Banana Babe Beach Blast
by Smash King24
Summary: Kirby wins an all-expense paid vacation to Banana Beach, one of the most luxurious and exotic beaches in the world! He takes a handful of friends along with him, but knowing the Smashers they're probably just going to cause trouble anyway. Contains banana hunting, sandcastle wars, strip volleyball, tentacles, and girls in bikinis.
1. Welcome to Banana Beach

Banana Babe Beach Blast

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**Author's Note:** Random idea that came to me that kept me from sleeping much longer than it should have. This is pretty much a lame story that's going to have some sort of plot, but I'm really just going to have fun with it. I'd like to take a step back from the whole "Smash Mansion" thing, and a day at the beach is just what the doctor ordered!

This story will include the following characters as mains: Mario, Donkey Kong, Kirby, King Dedede, Wario, Captain Falcon, Little Mac, Doc Louis, Lucina, Robyn (female), Toon Link, Samus, Pit, Palutena, Greninja, Jigglypuff, and Shulk. Any other characters in the roster probably won't make an appearance, but they may get some brief mentions.

All that aside, I hope you guys enjoy!

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Chapter 1: Welcome to Banana Beach

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"Last stop! Everybody off!"

Doc Louis pulled back on the lever, opening up the door of the Super Smash Bus. A cool breeze instantly swept through the vehicle, hitting all of its passengers with the salty sea air that only a beach could supply.

"It's about damn time!" shouted Captain Falcon from the back. He had apparently been engaged in a heated discussion with Little Mac over whose franchise was more popular. "We're melting away over here!"

"Excellent driving, Doc," said Robyn, who was seated in the front row of the bus with Lucina. "I never doubted you for a second."

Donkey Kong began clapping somewhere in the middle area, followed by Pit, Palutena, and Shulk who also joined in. It had been quite a long drive from Smash Mansion to Banana Beach. The ride itself had taken almost three hours, and it didn't help in the slightest that they lost some of the morning thanks to Wario clogging up one of the bathrooms at the last pit-stop. Their schedule had been set behind by about half an hour, but this didn't put a damper on the Smashers' spirits, no siree!

"Aw, thank hun," replied Doc, wiping his sweaty forehead with his towel. "But hey, I only drive the bus. Kirby's the one we should all be thankin' 'cause without him, we wouldn't even be here!"

The Smashers had won an all-expense paid trip to Banana Beach, one of the most exotic and reputable vacation spots this side of Smashlando, Smashida (just roll with it). Well actually, Kirby was the one who ended up winning the trip, but he had the option of bringing up to fifteen other friends with him! Of course, with all the friends he had back at the mansion, it was hard to decide who he did and didn't want to bring along. He wasn't the type of guy to make people upset either, thus Master Hand was forced to impose a solution that would be fair for everyone: The Smashers all put their names into a hat, and the first fifteen people who were selected got to go on the trip. Needless to say that even under regulations, arguments were had, but Master Hand ultimately had to lay down the iron fist. What resulted was a crazy bus full of sweating Smashers, all of whom were dying to get their feet in the water.

"Poyo!" exclaimed Kirby, lifting up a toy shovel that he planned on using in the sand.

"Haha! I can't wait to check out the food!" said Dedede, punching the pink puffball next to him nonchalantly.

"I can't wait to check out the waves," replied Shulk, who was a self-proclaimed surfing expert, although no one had ever really seen him do such a thing before.

"I can't wait to check out the babes…" snickered Wario, imagining Samus posing seductively in a wet bikini.

Indeed, the bus was chockfull of crazy characters. The only level-headed ones in the bunch seemed to be Robyn, Samus, Mario, and Little Mac. Everyone else, well, let's just say they had their own little charming ways of dealing with free time.

Lucina was the first to step off the bus. She was a beautiful and somewhat shy girl who always took matters a tad bit too seriously. When she wasn't practicing in the training room, she was either hanging out with her Fire Emblem pals or trying to stay out of people's ways. She also had a habit of being quite gullible sometimes, as most jokes tended to fly right over her little head.

"Some time away from the tournament should do me good," she said to herself, looking yonder at the sparkling sea under the rising sun. She was promptly shoved to the side as King Dedede got off, lifting his sturdy mallet over his shoulder with a grin that the citizens of Dreamland apparently weren't very fond of.

"They better have a snack bar!" he said. "I can't swim unless I got some grub in my belly!"

Dedede was kind of the opposite of Lucina, being one of the loudest and most obnoxious Smashers in the whole roster. He did what he pleased, even at the expense of other characters, but that really didn't stop him from getting his kicks when he wanted to. He was kind of a jerk—especially to Kirby—but the little Star Warrior was always too oblivious to notice.

Robyn was the next to step off, having previously been pushed aside by Dedede as she lifted her heavy clothes bag over her shoulder. Being the master tactician that she was, she wasn't afraid to show off a little, and always had a backup plan in case of emergencies. She was also followed by Mario, DK, Jigglypuff, and Greninja.

As soon as he set his feet on the sand, Donkey Kong began searching high and low for any sign of bananas. After all, was that not the reason why they named the beach "Banana Beach?" It only made sense. DK recalled hearing stories about a giant banana that washed up on the shore some millennia or two ago, which is how the golden beach originally got its name. It was a cool story, but everyone knew that giant bananas didn't really exist. Not unless it was a guy in a banana suit.

"Cheer up DK!" said Mario, patting his friend on the back. "I'm sure we'll find bananas around here somewhere!"

Samus, Pit, and Palutena were the next ones to step off, Samus being the first to squint dramatically at the blinding light of the sunshine. Palutena was actually wearing a giant sunhat, while poor Pit was stuck lugging both his and his goddess' luggage.

"Sunbathing! Volleyball! Sandcastles!" exclaimed Palutena. "I could spend a whole week here and never get bored!"

Samus yawned unenthusiastically. She really wasn't into the whole "beach thing," let alone with a bunch of people she never really bothered to hang around in the first place. The only reason she was even here was because Captain Falcon had snuck her name into the hat while her back was turned. As much as she wanted to decline the offer, she couldn't bear to see Kirby's eyes well up in tears at the thought of her not wanting to spend time with him and their friends.

She made a mental note to roundhouse kick that bonehead of an F-Zero racer later on in the day.

"You seem more excited than usual Samus," chuckled Shulk as he hopped out of the bus onto the ground.

"Hardly," she replied flatly. "Just make sure those idiots stay away from me."

Of course, by "those idiots" she was referring to Captain Falcon and Wario, The Super Smash Brothers' local class clowns. Well, they were class clowns by law, not really by nature, since more often than not the two would end up doing something stupid and give themselves bad reputations.

"What was that Samus?" asked Falcon as he stepped off the bus casually. "You say something?"

She grimaced at him before following the rest of the group to the main beach area.

Falcon frowned; he really wasn't a bad guy at all. He merely had a reputation for being loud-mouthed, much like ol' King Dedede. Most of the Smashes actually didn't mind him. As a matter of fact, it was typically the women Smashers who either didn't want to be bothered or downright disliked being in the presence of the F-Zero racer. Granted, he's never afraid to act like a flirt in front of some of the girls (especially Samus and Lucina) but those actions alone kind of pinned him as the "immature for his age" guy in the group. Wasn't he supposed to be some kind of lethal bounty hunter?

"Aw cheer up, dude," said Wario, slapping his companion on the back. "By the end of this trip, Samus will be practically begging us to go out with here. Trust me." He let out a nasty fart before shuffling past Falcon, who pinched his nose in disgust.

Wario, by comparison, was a much worse version of Captain Falcon. He wasn't very popular or well-liked, but if it was one thing he was good at, it was being able to clear a room. He too had a tendency to go over the deep end when it came to women, but he was always willing to learn from his mistakes… Even if it meant slamming his head against a wall a million times.

Little Mac and Doc Louis were the last ones to exit the bus. Seeing as how Doc wasn't an actual Smasher, he more or less got a vacation at Banana Beach free of charge since he drove the bus. Little Mac was more than happy to have his trusty coach with him, since it would give him all the more reason to practice his fighting skills!

Little did he know that the whole point of a vacation was to relax and have fun.

Eventually, the group rendezvoused on the beach, roughly twenty feet or so from the tideline. The beachside itself seemed to be pretty barren from both ends. With the exception of the Smashers, the next group of people appeared to be about half a mile down the eastern coast. It gave them all the more reason to set up camp here since, well, who wouldn't want a private beach all to themselves?

"Hey Kirby, you mind if I unpack next to you?" asked Toon Link, throwing down his Tri-force towel.

Kirby didn't seem to be paying any attention at all. Instead, his eyes were fixated on the miles of sand along the beach's coast. Without thinking, he let out an excited "Poyo!" before making a mad dash up the beach with a pail and shovel in hand.

Toon Link sighed. He wasn't particularly close to any of the Smashers who came with him on this vacation. The only ones who he really ever talked to were Mario, Pit, and occasionally Shulk. Everyone else, well, they were usually off doing "adult" things like adults do, which meant that they probably wouldn't have any time to spend with him if he wanted to play soccer or ring toss or other kid games. He settled with unrolling his towel next to Greninja, who was having a bit of trouble opening his umbrella.

"Forget setting up!" shouted Pit. "I wanna go for a swim!"

"Well go on if you want to," replied Palutena. "I can take care of the rest from here."

She promptly used her goddess powers to open up several towels at once and place them perfectly on the sand, along with a few umbrellas, some sunscreen bottles, and sandcastle building tools. Needless to say, Robyn and Samus were both impressed, as they were both having trouble trying to get their umbrellas open. Who was the shoddy merchant who sold these damn things to them?

"Alright! Thanks Lady Palutena!" said Pit, before dashing off towards the sea. "Yahoo!" He ended up kicking up some sand, pelting Jigglypuff in the face and getting a bunch in her large eyes.

"Jiggly!" cried the pink Pokémon, covering her face and puffing her cheeks out. Thankfully, Greninja was able to assist her with a light dab of Water Gun.

The Pokémon characters were friends of everyone, but there was always that communication barrier that kept them from bonding with a lot of the newcomers. That being said, Lucina, Palutena, Robyn, Shulk, and Little Mac all had some trouble understanding the mystical language of the Pokémon. There was one time when Greninja had asked Robyn for a sparring match in the training room, when instead she just went to the kitchen to make him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Since when does, "Greninj, Gre, Greninja" mean, "Bitch go make me a sammich?"

Who knows, who cares.

Meanwhile, Captain Falcon was busy fumbling with his massive umbrella, which was a custom one that he made himself. The umbrella had a large picture of his face imprinted on the top, along with the words, "Show me your moves!" circling the outer edges. By the time he got the darn thing standing up right, everyone else had already set theirs up.

"I swear, it's like these things are child proof or something…" muttered Falcon under his breath as he jammed his gloved hands into the notches.

Lucina noticed his distress seeing as how she was one of the first ones to finish, and found herself wandering over in order to assist the uncanny racer.

"Um… Do you need some help?" she asked.

Falcon didn't even look up, but continued messing around with his contraption.

"No thanks! I got it all taken care of!" he replied, although honestly he wasn't quite sure how he was going to manage this. He wasn't about to let Lucina show him up anyway. He was a manly man!

As soon as Shulk was done with his crap, he immediately threw off his shirt and pants, revealing nothing but a thin pair of spandex swimwear. Samus actually had to do a double-take seeing the Homs boy strip so fast and so casually, but nobody even had a chance to say anything before he darted off into the water shouting, "Now it's Shulk time!." The Monado was still strapped magically to his back.

"_It's like the tournament all over again_…" thought Samus to herself, recalling Shulk as the only fighter who ever wore spandex shorts to a brawl. He never even bothered wearing a shirt during those times either.

"Hey Samus, I bet I can strip faster than you," said Wario with a sneer, but he only ended up earning a punch to the face with that remark.

"Oh, I almost forgot," said Mario all of a sudden. "Did anyone remember to bring snacks?"

Donkey Kong immediately opened one of his large duffle bags, revealing a treasure trove of bananas inside. Mario facepalmed, along with Robyn who also sighed in disapproval.

"Donkey Kong, you mean to tell us you've been carrying nothing but bananas this whole time?" asked Robyn.

DK did his signature shoulder shrug (down taunt) as if to say, "Well what the hell else am I supposed to bring?"

It's true. It's not like the big ape needed a swimsuit or towel, unlike most of the other characters.

Needless to say that the other bags he brought with him also contained bananas, but hey this was Banana Beach so it only made sense.

"I brought some chocolate bars," exclaimed Doc, opening up his bag and revealing a bunch of tasty treats. Thankfully, Kirby was nowhere in sight to see this smorgasbord of sugar.

"Jigglypuff!" said Jiggs, holding up a plate of bonafide Pokémon food. Greninja and her had made sure to synchronize their packing, revealing a bag of Poffins and Poképuffs for good measure. At least they came prepared.

"There's probably a place we can get food around here," said Little Mac reassuringly. "We still got a couple hours before lunchtime anyway."

"I think there was a snack bar we passed by on our way in," replied Robyn. "We should be fine with that."

"As long as they got burgers, I'm happy," said Dedede. "But enough of this standin' around. Let's have some fun!"

Dedede threw off his robe, revealing an old fashioned swimsuit that covered his fat body from neck to ankle. It was blue and white striped and was reminiscent of old family movies that no one ever watched anymore thanks to anime and the internet.

"Kowabunga!" he shouted, leaping up high into the air with his Super Dedede Jump. He flew overhead towards the water where Shulk and Pit were busy splashing each other in the face. They both looked up in horror at the massive round body dive-bombing at them, and despite their efforts to swim away, they were unfortunately crushed by the weight of King Dedede. The resulting impact created a tidal wave that surged towards the Smashers on the beach. Thankfully, Palutena was able to deflect the water back to the sea with her Reflect Barrier. Shulk and Pit's bodies soon rose to the surface, both of them dazed and confused from the belly flopping Dedede, while the king in question was enjoying himself and doing the backstroke.

"Wow…" mumbled Doc, a half-eaten chocolate bar in his mouth.

Meanwhile, Falcon was still trying to get his umbrella open, and was having so much trouble that he didn't even notice Palutena saving their entire camp. He was working up quite a sweat standing under the beating sun. After much frustration and Lucina's constant staring at him while he tried to work, Falcon just threw down the umbrella and kicked it into the sand.

"God dammit!" he shouted. "I hate umbrellas!"

He began stomping and kicking about rather childishly, not even noticing that Lucina had snuck up and lifted the large object up by herself. The next thing he knew, Falcon was standing under the shade of a brilliant umbrella, Lucina firmly pushing the base of the contraption into the ground.

Falcon's mouth had nearly hit the sand.

"I… B-But…" he stuttered. "How?..."

"You just push this button right here," replied Lucina calmly, gesturing to a giant red button on the umbrella that said, "Press this asshole."

"Oh…" was all Falcon could muster before Lucina had literally been pulled out of his sight by the Goddess of Light.

"Come on Lucy!" said Palutena excitedly. "Let's go get changed!"

"Gah! But Palutena!" cried Lucina, but she didn't even have time to react as she was dragged from one end of the beach to the other. Robyn and Samus also tagged along, both of them carrying their duffle bags of clothes.

"We'll meet you guys back here soon," called Robyn as the ladies headed off towards the changing tents.

"Pfft, amateurs," said Falcon before promptly ripping out of his skin tight racing suit. There he stood before his fellow men in nothing but a black speedo. Wario, Mario, Donkey Kong, and Toon Link immediately shielded their eyes.

"Gah! Falcon, turn that thing off!" cried Wario.

"Don't be jealous," spat Falcon, the brilliant sun reflecting off of his helmet, which (besides the speedo) was really the only clothing he had on him. "You fatsos wish you had this kind of bod."

Well he had a point. Falcon just so happened to be one of the only male Smashers who could flaunt a six-pack… or a twelve-pack… or whatever the hell kind of pack his abs were supposed to be. Seriously, the guy could give Arnold Schwarzenegger a run for his money.

DK frowned before grabbing the F-Zero racer with his massive monkey hands and hurling him into the water, landing on top of Dedede and sinking his beloved inflatable belly.

"Hey watch it you moron!" hollered Dedede. "You almost killed me!"

"Like hell I did!" retorted Falcon. "Ol' Donkey Dick over there almost ripped by arms off!"

The two Smashes began fighting in the water, which pretty much became an unorthodox wrestling match while Pit and Shulk watched on the side. Greninja took this opportunity to shuffle his way into the water and disappear beneath the depths seeing as how he didn't plan on playing any of these lame party games with these plebs anyway. As expected, King Dedede found himself on the wrong end of a Falcon Punch, where he was then launched hundreds of feet into the air before landing somewhere further down the beach on the mainland.

"I'll kill youuuuuuuuu!" was all he could say before briefly getting interrupted by his head landing in a palm tree.

"Well isn't this exciting!" exclaimed Doc as he opened up his cooler and began pulling out some water bottles. "As fun as the beach is, you guys make sure you stay fully hydrated. You don't want to end up having a stroke like I did the other day, hoo boy, those aren't fun at all."

Donkey Kong pretty much ignored Doc's comment and began hobbling down the coast, sniffing around for any sign of a giant banana.

"Hey DK, where are you going?" asked Mario.

DK turned around, holding up a regular banana with an eager look in his eyes. Wario could only facepalm at this response.

"We come all this way and all he wants to do is look for bananas," he mumbled. "Good luck finding a banana on a sandy beach you dimwit! Maybe if you stick your ear in a shell the banana gods will give you a sign!"

DK continued wandering without a care, his mind set only on one thing and one thing alone: Get that giant banana. Toon Link immediately dropped his stuff and began chasing after him.

"You guys go ahead, I'll help DK find his banana!" he called back. Truthfully, he wasn't really interested in hanging out with the others seeing how he was one of the few kids left behind. Surely tagging along with uncle Donkey Kong would help make this little beach adventure more interesting? Donkey Kong smiled a toothy smile before hoisting the little Smashers onto his shoulders.

As the two characters disappeared into the distance, Mario felt a small hand tugging on his leg. He looked down to see Jigglypuff offer him one of her Poképuffs. Reluctantly, the plumber accepted the gift before munching on it miserably.

"What's the matter Mario?" asked Little Mac.

"We're supposed to be a team," replied Mario. "If everyone keeps running off like this, how are we supposed to enjoy ourselves?"

"Just let 'em go man," replied Wario dismissively. "If they wanna waste their time looking for a stupid banana, then let them. We got more important things to think about right now, like what color bikini Samus will be wearing when she comes out of that changing tent."

Little Mac and Mario both frowned their fat friend before promptly bopping him upside the head with their fists.

"OW! Hey what was that for!"

"For being dumb," replied Mario.

"Hey! I don't need to answer to you!" shouted Wario. "You're my arch nemesis!"

Mario glanced at Little Mac who responded with a stern nod.

Meanwhile in the water, Shulk and Pit were busy playing keep away with Captain Falcon's speedo. How they managed to get their hands on it without him looking we'll never know.

"Come on guys, this isn't fair!" whined Falcon as he dove at Shulk with arms out stretched. Shulk tossed the undergarment over to Pit, who received it quite gracefully.

"Monkey in the middle!" hollered Pit with glee. What resulted following this became a comedic scene of two guys tossing some naked guy's swimsuit back and forth across the water. Of course, Captain Falcon did everything in his power to keep his waist below the surface, but it only made wading through the shallow waters all the more difficult.

"You guys are dead meat when I get my hands on that!" shouted Falcon. "What did I do to deserve this!?"

"Wahhhh!" came a voice from up above.

Falcon looked up only to be met with the face of Wario, who landed on him and caused a large explosion of waves in the water. Little Mac flexed his muscle on the mainland, having executed one of his trademark KO Punches. Doc Louis smacked him on the back, lifting up his arm like it was some kind of boxing championship, while Mario and Jigglypuff applauded from the side.

"And the winner is… Little Mac!"

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**Author's Note:** So, what'd you think? This is my attempt at trying to write some other characters for a change like DK, Toon Link, and Little Mac. Like I said it's not going to be anything serious, but I do have some crazy events planned for this story. If I can put every character in the spotlight then I think I've accomplished what I was trying to do. Thanks for reading!


	2. Putting On Sunscreen

Banana Babe Beach Blast

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**Author's Note:** Thanks for the positive feedback everyone. I think this story is off to a rather strong start! Don't worry about some of the characters who ended up walking out in the first chapter since I'll be getting back to them real soon. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this crazy update. Also, don't read too much into it. That's all I'm going to say.

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Chapter 2: Putting On Sunscreen

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By the time they fished Wario's mangled body out of the water, the girls had already returned from their little excursion. They came back dressed in their swimwear, and they also earned several looks from bypassing vacationers as they strutted back to camp, Palutena leading the way with her head held high.

Mario was busy pumping water out of Wario's mouth by slamming his stomach with his fists, and he didn't seem to notice the lovely ladies approaching him.

"What happened to Wario?" asked Robyn.

"He got knocked out while he was swimming…" replied Mario, although his voice kind of trailed off as he looked up at the four feminine beauties standing before him. "Oh mama mia…" He nearly fainted.

Robyn didn't see what the big deal was. They just changed into their swimsuits, which just so happened to be sexy bikinis. The bikinis were especially flattering for Palutena and Samus, but Lucina wasn't very fond of how much of her body was exposed. Apparently Palutena had lost the sunhat somewhere to the wind, which was a real bummer since she preferred to keep her skin pale and "pure."

They received a few more glances from some onlookers, and even Little Mac found himself staring much longer than he would have liked to admit.

"Uh, you guys look good," he said, standing there in his American flag swim trunks.

"Thank you, Little Mac!" replied Palutena. "See Lucina? I told you the two-piece would be perfect for you!"

Lucina stood with her toes in the sand, her face turning a slight red as all eyes fell on her and her blue bikini. She originally packed a one-piece swimsuit, but after much hassling, Palutena was able to convince her to try on the two-piece. Little did she know that Palutena's definition of "convincing" would include forcefully grappling her and fitting her arms and legs into the tiny thing. Boy, what Falcon would have given to be in the changing tent when _that_ happened…

"I look so stupid," muttered Samus, staring down at the black top covering her chest. "I have an alternate Zero Suit for these kind of days you know."

"Surely you wouldn't want to go swimming in that?" asked Robyn. "Jumping in the water without the right attire is a great way to ruin clothes."

"She's right," replied Mario as he resumed his beating down on Wario's body. "Just ask Pit."

The group looked yonder to see Shulk and Pit still playing in the water, albeit with a beach ball that had a striking resemblance to that of Jigglypuff. Wait a second… That beach ball was Jigglypuff! Oddly enough, the Balloon Pokémon didn't seem to care one way or the other that she was being bopped back and forth like a drunken sailor as she continued to scream "Jiggly!" on every hit. Pit was the only member of the group who was still dressed in his angelic tunic, but it was pretty much expected from him since he wore that damn thing everywhere.

Meanwhile, Captain Falcon was standing off to the side and sulking, spinning his finger around the surface of the water like a little kid who nobody wanted to play with.

"Well, what are you all standing around here for?" asked Doc, unpacking more stuff from his bag. He began laying out some water toys, deflated inflatable tubes, and a small stool. "Get in there any have some fun!"

"We will shortly," replied Robyn, picking up one of the sunscreen bottles. "First thing's first though." She squirted some of the bottle's contents into her hand and began rubbing her limbs with the smelly stuff.

"Oh, you're right!" exclaimed Palutena. "How could I forget?" She grabbed her sceptre before dashing up to the tide's edge and waving at the swimming boys. "Pit, you forgot to put on sunscreen!"

Pit was caught off guard by the sound of her voice, the body of Jigglypuff landing on his head and almost knocking him out. Jigglypuff landed in the water and began floating on the surface upside down, while Shulk was on the other side laughing his butt off.

"Aw, do I have to get out _now_, Lady Palutena?" asked Pit, almost in a whining manner.

"Get your ass out of the water!" Palutena waved her magical wand, lifting Pit by his wings and sending him on a one way trip back to land. He cried and hollered, covering his face as he landed in the sand, showering the other Smashers with dust.

Samus felt her temper rising, the taste of salty sand fresh on her lips. Mario quickly remedied the situation by pulling out his F.L.U.D.D. and giving everybody a wash down.

"Sorry about that," said Palutena, rubbing the back of her head. "I get a little carried away sometimes."

Wario began coughing up dirt and sand, stirring awake from the pleasant naked Samus dream he was having wait what?

"Ugh, where am I?" he mumbled. He looked around before noticing three soaked babes standing before him under the glimmering sun. He immediately got up and was about to tackle this bountiful buffet before Samus shoved her foot in his mouth.

The next few minutes or so was pretty much dedicated to getting some of that sunscreen on. Samus helped herself to the lotion, while Robyn and Lucina took turns covering each other's shoulders and backs. Palutena of course had to take care of Pit, who was kind of embarrassed having to be treated like a kid in front of everyone, but if he didn't do it then she was gonna smack him upside the head like she did that one time when he left the refrigerator open the whole night trying to find some ice cream. Mario took the opportunity to throw off his overalls and get into his red and white striped full body swimsuit, while Wario was busy trying to fit his swim shorts around his chubby waist.

"Hey Shulk! Falcon!" called Robyn from the shore. "You better get some sunscreen on or else you're going to get burnt!"

Shulk stood up in the shallow water, feeling his shoulder and sensing a sharp stinging pain.

"Oh man, I'm feeling it," he said. "Okay!" He glanced over at Falcon who had half of his head submerged under water and was blowing bubbles. "Falcon, you coming?"

Captain Falcon stood up with a frown on his face. He was still bummed out that Shulk and Pit had stolen his speedo. He got it back thankfully, but it still didn't change the fact that they teamed up on him and teased him for it. Not to mention he got bodied by Wario.

"Alright, alright," he muttered, following the Homs boy back to shore.

Doc tossed Shulk a Bionis towel, while Falcon received his own Blue Falcon one. He began wiping his body down, but he didn't even bother removing the helmet. Instead, he polished the lens clean so that the water droplets were out of his way. When he looked up, he noticed the girls staring at him as if he was some sort of weirdo.

"What?..." said Falcon in confusion.

"Falcon, what on earth are you wearing?" asked Samus, a semi-disgusted look on her face.

Falcon looked down to see that he was still in his black speedo, nothing more, nothing less. What was so wrong about that?

"Don't judge me!" he replied. "This was the only thing I had since that stupid Duck Hunt Dog ate all my other shorts!"

"I don't know, I think it's kind of cute," teased Palutena. "It's so itty-bitty."

"Cute!?" snorted Falcon. "I think you're looking at the wrong guy." He began making dramatic poses in the sand, lifting his arms up, sticking his legs out, thrusting his hip bones, et cetera. "There's nothing cute about this. I am fifty percent manly and forty-nine percent sexy!"

"What's the other one percent?" asked Robyn.

"In pain," replied Falcon hastily. "Gimme some of that lotion!"

Due to how brilliant the sand of Banana Beach reflected the sun's rays, having some form of sunblock was an absolute must for vacationers. Jigglypuff had actually taken the liberty of drenching herself in sunscreen earlier, but she didn't have a care in the world as she continued to drift idly along the coastline.

Eventually, Shulk, Robyn, Lucina, and Mario all ran into the water to play some more games. On the other hand, Samus opted to take it easy and lie down under the soothing shade of her Screw Attack beach umbrella. She threw on some sunglasses and had a quick snooze, enjoying the warm air of the surrounding sea.

"There you go Pit, you're now ready for the heat!" exclaimed Palutena.

Pit stood there, his body so covered in oil that he practically glistened with chemicals. His goddess finished off by rubbing some of the icky stuff in his hair, to which he had no choice but to fight her off and rendezvous with his pals in the sea. Palutena used her powers to launch him high in the sky, to which he followed through with a cannon ball, splashing the other Smashers and knocking Jigglypuff into the air, where she was then used for another game of Jigglypuff Beach Ball.

"Oh silly me," said Palutena to herself. "I spent so much time helping Pit that I didn't even do myself!"

She started lathering her arms with lotion beneath the hot and steamy sun. Meanwhile, Captain Falcon was busy trying to get sunscreen on every last nook and cranny of his body. He had so much leg exposed that it was starting to be a real pain, and it didn't help that he had sand in his ass.

"Hey dude," whispered Wario nearby. "Check this out."

Falcon watched as the fat Italian crept up next to Samus with a camera in hand. Carefully, Wario raised the device just high enough so it could look down the crack between Samus' boobs. Just as he was about to take a photo, the bounty hunter's fist snapped at the camera, clenching it momentarily before crushing the entire thing to plastic pieces. Wario stumbled back in surprise with his mouth agape, but Samus didn't even give him a single glance.

"Do that again and your balls are next," she said seriously.

Wario soon found himself holding his crotch area and nervously scurrying away. At least he had a chance to fight another day.

"Hey Little Mac, can you do me a favor?" asked Palutena as she reached her arm behind her back.

The boxer in question was in the middle of getting his boxing gloves off. Doc was of course helping him accomplish this, removing the underlying bandages from his hands.

"Sure," replied Little Mac. "What do you-"

He looked up to see Palutena untying her top and holding it in place with her other hand across her chest. Little Mac felt the blood rushing to his face as he stood there dumbfounded, watching the Goddess of Light lie down belly first on her towel.

"Could you help me with this?" she asked, gesturing towards a nearby bottle of sunscreen. "I can't reach my back."

Little Mac continued to stare, his eyes mesmerized by Palutena's bare and perfect back. He almost didn't know how to respond, his mouth just falling half opened stupidly. He was shaken out of his trance when he felt the firm hands of his coach rubbing his shoulders.

"Alright, this is it Mac," said Doc seriously. "It's all you baby."

"What do I?" asked Little Mac quietly. "I've never seen anything like this."

"Remember your training, Mac. You got the speed and you got the fast hits. Hit her with the ol' one two, and then follow up with a high ender. Don't forget about them low sweeps, and make sure you sweetspot the hooks."

Little Mac felt his heart racing, his breaths becoming forced and stagnant. Palutena lifted her legs up briefly before comfortably placing them in the sand. She pulled her hair off of her shoulders and gave the short boxer another "come hither" glance.

Little Mac gulped.

"I can't do it, coach," he muttered.

"What was that?" said Doc.

"I said I can't do it!"

Little Mac tried to make a break for it, but Doc firmly grabbed him by the arms, rooting him in place.

"Now you listen here and you listen hard son!" shouted Doc. "If you think I'm just gonna let you walk outta the ring like this, then you got another thing coming! We've spent countless nights training for this day! That woman's satisfaction might as well be the Banana Beach boxing championship belt! I won't let you throw in the towel, Mac! You got the spunk! You got the spirit! You got the tenacity! And you're going to get in there and show that perfect back who's the boss, you understand me!?"

Little Mac was at a loss for words. He couldn't recall the last time Doc was so dead-set on something. How could a man who has fought and beaten so many guys three times his size be afraid of a girl (even if that girl just so happened to be the half-naked Goddess of Light)? Doc Louis was right; this was no time to throw in the towel.

"You're right coach," said Little Mac, nodding his head strongly. "Sorry for freaking out like that."

"Get your head in the game, Mac," replied Doc. "Once you're in, there's no getting out. Use that to your advantage and you're bound to win that gold. Now get out there and lather that back!"

Doc put up his fists, to which Little Mac responded by punching them with his own.

"Hey, what's taking so long?" asked Palutena.

"Deep breaths, Mac," said Doc. "You got this."

"I've got this," repeated Little Mac. He reached down and picked up the sunscreen before walking over to Palutena's side.

By this time, Falcon and Wario were both curiously watching this conversation from the side. They were slightly jealous that Palutena would ask Little Mac of all people to put lotion on her back, but then again, neither of them really knew how to rub sunscreen on a girl. Do you start at the shoulders and work your way down, or is there some kind of pattern that has to be followed? And what about surprise massages?

In any case, they were both pretty eager to find out how this was going to go, and even took the opportunity to grab a pen and paper and take some quick notes about the whole thing.

"Do you mind putting some on my shoulders too?" asked Palutena casually. "I kind of missed those."

Little Mac swallowed hard, squirting some lotion into his hands before rubbing them together. He then analyzed his work area. Palutena's back was pretty slender, which meant that there really wouldn't be a lot of room for his larger hands to work with. Her butt kind of jutted out slightly with the way she was lying, so Little Mac did his best to bend over her without laying a single finger on anything besides the blank canvas. He glanced at Doc who gave him a thumbs up before getting down to business.

He started with her upper back, pasting the oily substance on like finger paint. He then began to lather the chemicals into her white skin, moving his hands in circular patterns in order to keep a steady rhythm going. He was already starting to sweat, hoping that the silence from Palutena was a sure enough sign that he was on the right track.

Despite what Doc said, nothing in his training had prepared him for this.

"Um, I think that's enough there Mac," said Palutena, turning her head a bit to get a glimpse at him.

"Oh right, sorry," replied Little Mac, losing his rhythm slightly but picking up again as he lathered some more lotion down her body.

"It's okay!"

He started moving down her lower back, his fingers fitting around her waist with ease. For a boxer, his palms were actually quite soft. This mainly had to do with the fact that he wore gloves all the time and almost always kept his hands bundled in fists. The inside of his hands rarely ever saw any action. Rubbing them up and down a woman's body was surely the kind of treatment they deserved after all these long months of brawls.

"You got it Mac!" said Doc. "Show 'em what you got!"

"I'm glad Doc Louis is enjoying this," commented Palutena.

If you could even call it that…

Meanwhile, Falcon and Wario were still frantically scribbling away at their papers, noting the motions of Little Mac's hands, the way he would speed up and slow down at various points in the operation. Who knew putting on sunscreen took such precision and grace?

"Shoulders please," said Palutena politely.

Little Mac made his way up to her shoulders and began lathering the remainder of the lotion into her skin. He was running out of material fast, and he soon found himself having to push harder in order to ensure the chemicals stuck together properly.

"Is that good?" he asked.

"Mmm, keep going," replied Palutena. She seemed to be having a good time, but was that a normal reaction when one was putting on sunscreen? No. Little Mac was actually unknowingly giving her a massage, but he figured it was the only way he could make up for the lack of lotion on her shoulders.

"Keep going, baby!" cheered Doc from the side.

Little Mac soon began picking up speed again, using his thumbs to make circular imprints into her shoulder blades. Palutena's breaths soon picked up as she arched her head back, her face bearing an expression of pure ecstasy.

"Faster, Mac," she said, letting out a small moan.

The blazing sun was really starting to get to Little Mac's head as he found himself dropping sweat on Palutena's back. She didn't seem to notice however in the heat of the moment. He picked up speed yet again, but he was at his limit this time. The constant yelling from his coach nearby wasn't making the situation any easier as he felt pressured to keep going despite how tired he was getting.

"Don't quit now, Mac! You got it baby!"

Palutena let out a squeak followed by another moan, this time with much more feeling. She appeared to be moving in sync with Little Mac's motions, getting faster and faster to the point where it didn't even look like he was putting sunscreen on her anymore.

This was when Little Mac reached his tipping point.

"It's too much!" he cried.

He pulled his hands away from her and shot up, tumbling backwards on the sand before landing hard on his back. He stared up at the sun, his eyes in a daze and his heart racing faster than Sonic the Hedgehog after ingesting Spicy Curry. He was sweating bullets, and he didn't even react when Doc Louis hobbled over to him and tossed a wet towel onto his head.

"You did good, Mac," he said. "You did good."

Palutena stood up, tying her top back into its secure place.

"Boy, talk about exhausting," she said with a smile. "Thank you very much for the help, Little Mac." She waved at the tired boxer who didn't even have the strength to respond. She then trotted off towards the sea to join the other Smashers who were still having fun using Jigglypuff as a beach ball.

Falcon, Wario, and even Samus just sat there staring dumbfounded at the scene that they just witnessed. Both Falcon and Wario didn't even get to finish writing down all their notes because their pens had haphazardly exploded all over their papers.

"What…" muttered Samus. "The hell just happened…"

"I…" replied Falcon. "Have no idea."

"Incoming!" shouted Shulk.

Falcon looked up only to be smashed in the face by a low-flying Jigglypuff. The Smashers in the water all burst into laughter, while Mario rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment. He didn't think he was going to throw Jigglypuff _that_ far out of bounds. Master Hand had always told him he had one of the strongest throws in the game, but this was kind of ridiculous.


	3. The Strange Pirate, Captain Jack Sparrow

Banana Babe Beach Blast

* * *

**Author's Note:** I apologize if the last chapter may have come off as a bit lewd to some of you. Rest assured, that's as bad as it's going to get for this story. I kind of just wanted to see how far I could roll with it.

If you have no idea what I'm talking about then forget I said anything!

* * *

Chapter 3: The Strange Pirate, Captain Jack Sparrow

* * *

"Man, this beach sure is long. I kind of want to go for a swim now after all this walking."

Toon Link rubbed his forehead with the back of his hand exhaustedly as he eyed the sparkling water along the shoreline. Donkey Kong continued to trek through the sand, however, but shrugged his shoulders at the young swordsman's comment.

Realistically, DK had been the one doing the walking this entire time, while Toon Link more or less got a free ride down the beach. Riding on top of Donkey Kong's broad shoulders wasn't something he was particularly used to, and he kind of had to strain himself in order to maintain his balance since DK always walked with a hunch. He ended up tossing his tunic and green hat on the sand somewhere earlier due to the intense heat, but of course he made sure to keep his sword and shield with him. Now with nothing but a pair of tanned shorts, Toon Link was still sweating bullets mainly because of how close he was to the sun from his current height. He almost looked naked from anyone glancing at a distance, but the sight of the boy being carried by a large monkey might have overshadowed that anyway.

"Can we take a break?" asked Toon. "I really need to cool off."

Donkey Kong frowned at the boy, seeing as how he was still dead set on finding that giant banana. After all, Toon was the one who volunteered to join him on this little excursion in the first place, thus the boy really had no room to complain.

With a sigh, Donkey Kong lowered his arms to the ground, allowing Toon Link to jump off. Upon making contact with the sand, Toon immediately jumped up into the air with a squeak.

"Yeow! Hot, hot, HOT!" he cried. He frantically pranced to the tide's edge before tripping into the shallow water. He stuck his face beneath the surface and started drenching his body in every which way possible. "Ah, that's better." His skin appeared to be letting off steam from the intensity of the sun's rays. "Hey DK, why don't you come in for a bit?"

Donkey Kong didn't seem to notice his question; he was too preoccupied with a nearby hermit crab that had come up from the sand. DK picked up the small creature and began examining it, while the poor thing ended up backing as far as it could into the sanctity of its shell. The big ape began shaking it, hoping that a banana would magically fall out.

Toon found himself putting his mouth below the water and blowing bubbles out of disdain. He was hoping that running off with DK for a while would be fun, but it turns out that he was sadly mistaken. All Donkey Kong wanted to do was find his stupid banana. They passed by tons of people doing fun activities on the beach, but no, banana comes first. Forget volleyball, beanbag toss, and open barbeques, banana hunting is where it's at!

He was beginning to regret leaving the others behind.

"Hey DK, watch this!" said Toon. He stood up in the shallow water. "Watch how long I can hold my breath!" He immediately toppled over and did a handstand with his head below the surface. If Donkey Kong had been paying attention, he probably would have been more impressed at how Toon Link could maintain his balance with the constant tide pushing into him as opposed to how long he could hold his breath. That's not to say that Toon couldn't hold his breath for long, however. He ended up standing there for about a minute before falling over and standing back up, his blond hair soaked to the root with saltwater.

Of course, Donkey Kong was still looking for his banana, having climbed on top of a nearby beach umbrella to scout out the surroundings.

He was pretty disappointed, honestly. You would think for a place called "Banana Beach" there would be at least _some_ bananas lying around. There weren't even any banana trees! The closest things they had to those were palm trees, which seemed to stretch on for miles and miles down the mainland.

Oh fabled giant banana, where art thou?

Toon Link fell on his back and closed his eyes with a sigh, the water around him just hitting his ears. The world around him went quiet, the only audible sound being the water pushing up against his body. He watched a few seagulls flying overhead, now wishing that he was back at camp with the others. They were probably doing some awesome things over there like playing beach ball, building sandcastles, and eating chocolate bars. Even though he didn't really know most of them, he could have some fun with Mario and Shulk, or at least take the time to get to know the others better. He also felt bad leaving Donkey Kong all by himself though.

Oh well, at least it was still early in the day. He had plenty of time to catch up with everyone and make this vacation one of the best he's ever had.

"Do you know what time it is?" asked Toon as he sat up. He noticed DK turn to him from his perch on top of the umbrella, but the monkey was immediately distracted by something further out at sea. Toon Link waved his hands. "Yoohoo, DK. Earth to DK." Still Donkey Kong didn't look, but appeared to be mesmerized by whatever he was looking at. Knowing him, it was probably something related to bananas. "What are you looking at?" Toon Link got up and turned around.

"Hey! Ahoy there!" came a voice from the distance.

Toon squinted a bit, shielding his eyes from the sun with his hand as he tried to pinpoint who or what was calling them from the ocean. He could see the faint figure of a man on a boat making his way back to shore. The man was apparently standing, using a long oar to paddle his way back to the mainland like one of those log rafts. The boat he was on, however, didn't look like a boat at all. It was glowing a brilliant yellow beneath the shine from the sun, and it arched upwards in a way that resembled the shape of a… banana.

No wait a second, that couldn't be right. Toon Link rubbed his eyes and looked again.

But of course it was true! The man at sea appeared to be riding upon not a boat, but a banana! And quite a large one at that.

Donkey Kong was practically salivating at the mere thought of that thing being the banana he had been searching for this whole time.

"You there! Boy!" said the man as his banana raft carried him closer.

Toon Link looked around, noticing that he and DK were the only ones on this stretch of the beach. How convenient.

"Me?" he replied.

"Yes you! Help me out with this!"

The man tossed Toon a long rope, which landed a few feet from him in the water. Toon Link reached for it and began pulling, and he was also joined by Donkey Kong who climbed down from his umbrella to assist.

"That's it, keep going!" shouted the man. He pulled out a small telescope and began examining the land. It really didn't make any sense at all considering he was already floating over shallow water. The water was so shallow in fact, that Toon Link could have walked up to him without his head going underneath.

The man appeared to be dressed in some rather outlandish clothes, resembling something like an old-fashioned pirate. He had a black pirate hat on, with facial hair that appeared to be tied into braids. He also had some colorful beads in his oily hair and bore a sharp look of determination on his face. His jacket, which covered his other nautical attire from head to toe, seemed to be a little damp from all the travelling at sea he had been doing. With the way he was standing, he kind of looked like the captain of a pirate ship, albeit a clumsy one at that.

"Excellent work, lad," said the man. "Steady as she goes."

Donkey Kong frowned when he realized that the banana he was standing on wasn't a banana at all. While the boat did indeed have a color scheme similar to that of a banana, and did have an arch much like a banana, this vessel was merely a boat designed to look like a banana.

Oddly enough, the boat appeared to be filled to the brim with empty glass bottles.

"Um, you can get off now," said Toon Link, putting his hand on the bow of the small boat. "You made it back to land."

"Nonsense!" replied the pirate man. "My boat is still in the water. I can still see the land from here!"

He was still looking through the telescope, not even giving Toon Link or Donkey Kong a notice. He was actually holding the telescope backwards!

Toon Link and DK glanced at each other before complying with the weird man's orders. They dragged his banana boat a few more feet until it had touched the golden grains of Banana Beach. In a near instant, the pirate closed his telescope and pocketed it before casually stepping off of his boat and onto the sand. He still didn't pay any attention to the two Smashers who saved him, and instead pulled out a map and began looking up and down the coastline.

"This can't be right," said the man, turning and twisting the rugged map. "I must have made a wrong turn at Tortuga…" He began scratching out parts of the map and scribbling some stuff down with a pen. Toon and DK continued to stand there awkwardly, wondering what the heck was going on.

"Excuse me," said Toon Link. "Are you lost?"

The pirate put his map down, giving the boy a semi-crazed look.

"Lost? Me?" replied the strange man. "You are mistaken, my friend." He rolled up his map and stuffed it in one of his inside pockets before replacing it with a small square box. He then began walking around the beach. "It takes more than a few typhoons…. and sea monsters… to strand the infamous… Captain Jack Sparrow. I know exactly where I want to be." He opened the box, revealing a small compass. The needle in the device immediately pointed back out to sea, leaving the poor pirate with a queer look on his face.

"Captain Jack Sparrow?" muttered Toon Link.

"That's who I am," said the man, pocketing his compass and strutting in front of the two friends. "Beg pardon boy, but did you happen to see two stout young men around here assisting me with my vessel?"

"Um, that was us," replied Toon. "We helped you with your boat." Donkey Kong nodded his head in agreement.

"Ship," said Jack.

"What?"

"You said 'boat.' I have a ship."

He gestured to the lame banana rowboat that was haphazardly wedged into the sand. Any further than that and the boat's rudder would have been completely out of the water. Calling it a ship was a major overstatement, especially when considering there looked to be only enough room for one or two people in it. Not only that, but the abundance of empty bottles made this "ship" look more like a drunken sailor's sanctuary than anything else.

DK scratched his head in confusion.

"It's not a very big ship," said Toon Link.

"I never said it was big," replied Jack. "I've had to take some budget cuts lately what with the lack of funding. You'd think people would be more on board with the idea of being a pirate."

"Wait, so you _are_ a pirate?"

"What did I just tell you?" Jack raised his arms up and looked around. "I am Captain Jack Sparrow, the most feared and ruthless pirate in these seas. I have killed many a man on these waters, and he who should question me will have his feet walkin' the plank before he can say 'parley.'" He glanced at the two Smashers. "Now, young lad, what say you? How shall I address thee and thine… um… monkey companion?"

Toon Link almost didn't know how to react to this man's unusual mannerisms, what with the way he kept looking around as if he were being watched from somewhere. Donkey Kong on the other hand, found this Captain Jack Sparrow character to be pretty funny, and pretty much just played along to see what else this pirate would do.

"I'm Link," replied Toon Link. "But friends call me Toon. And this is Donkey Kong. We're from the Super Smash Brothers."

"Super Smash Brothers you say?" said Jack. "Interesting. I don't think I've ever heard of that group before."

"We're not pirates. We're an organization that trains the world's strongest fighters."

"Ah, a local military regime," replied Jack as he put a hand to his bearded face. "I just might be able to find a use for you…" He began eying DK curiously.

"So what's with the banana boat, Jack?" asked Toon Link.

"Captain," replied Jack, not really paying attention to the question.

"Captain?"

"Captain Jack Sparrow. That is my name."

"Right, Captain Jack Sparrow. You said you had a ship, but that looks like a regular lifeboat."

"Ah, a very good observation my young Link!" Jack waltzed over and put a hand on the rim of his boat. "This ship is not in fact the Black Pearl, but one of its sister vessels. She is the Steel Slipper, the only one of its kind, and without a doubt one of the fastest ships in the eastern seas."

It made sense to Jack, but DK honestly couldn't make the connection. First of all, if the boat was made of wood, then why was it called the "Steel Slipper?" And secondly, why does it look like a banana? A nice, long, juicy… banana.

"I lost track of my other ship and have since been scouring the seas for any sign of her," continued Jack. "With nothing but the clothes on my back and three dozen bottles of rum, I found myself without any hope until I was able to spot you two of the coast of this… tropical paradise."

"This is Banana Beach," replied Toon. "It's a really popular vacation spot around here."

Jack looked further down the beachhead to find a bunch of tourists partying, eating food, playing games, et cetera. He was surprised no one had noticed his distress sooner.

"So it seems," replied Jack. "But to me it's just another dead end on the hunt for my former vessel. I shall be taking my leave dear boys! Now if you would be so kind as to cast me off…"

Jack began pushing his "ship" back into the water, but wasn't getting anywhere with it thanks to how stuck in the sand it was. Toon Link watched awkwardly from the side for a few seconds before he felt his friend tap him on the shoulder.

"Hm? What is it, DK?" he asked.

Donkey Kong made some small monkey sounds while pointing a large finger at the banana boat. He also made some eager whimpering sounds, which could easily be interpreted as, "God dammit, I really want that boat."

Despite the banana being made of wood, apparently it was enough to get Donkey Kong back on board the banana hunt. It was better than coming back empty-handed anyway.

"Are you kidding? He's not going to let us take it," replied Toon.

DK put his hands out as if to say, "Well, ask him then."

Hesitantly, Toon Link shuffled over to Jack's position, who was apparently still having trouble trying to move the darn thing.

"Um, Jack," said the boy all of a sudden.

"Captain. Captain," replied Jack, not even looking at him.

"Captain Jack Sparrow. Could we have your boat?"

Upon hearing the boy's question, Jack immediately dropped everything he was doing, pausing dramatically for a few seconds. He then stood up tall, looming over the small boy like a shadow.

"Why do you want my boat?" he questioned. "Ship. Why do you want my ship?"

"Well, you see, Donkey Kong is a big fan of bananas." Toon Link glanced back at DK who was giving him a thumbs up. "We could go back and buy you another boat from the store to make up for it."

Jack thought about the boy's offer for a few moments, pondering whether or not he was being swindled by one of the locals.

"It's not that easy I'm afraid," said Jack. "I can't just exchange this ship for any old toy. A ship of this magnitude needs to be traded with something of greater or equal value." His gaze fell upon Donkey Kong again, who responded with an uneasy glance of his own. "How about this. I will give you… my ship. But in return, you have to give me your monkey."

Seriously? There was no way that Toon Link was going to offer DK in exchange for a lousy banana boat. The boat wasn't even as great as Jack was making it sound! Not only that, but it's not like Toon Link owned Donkey Kong, and trading him for the boat still wouldn't solve anything anyway.

"Forget that!" replied Toon. "I'm not gonna give my friend away!"

"Let's make it fifty-fifty then," said Jack. "I see that you have a sword there. If you can defeat me one on one in a duel, then I will give you my ship free of charge, no strings attached. However! If I beat you, you must surrender your monkey to me. That sounds about fair now doesn't it?"

Toon Link hesitated, unsure of what to say. Why the heck did Jack Sparrow want Donkey Kong so much? Did he really need a monkey that badly? Now it was all or nothing, but really that all depended on whether or not DK was sure he wanted that banana boat.

And of course, the big ape pushed past Toon Link to shake the pirate's hand.

"Wait, DK!" cried Toon.

"Very well then!" said Jack. "We have ourselves a deal, mates."

Donkey Kong patted Toon Link on the back, kind of a way of saying, "You got dis." It really didn't make Toon feel any better however seeing as how his friend's life was in his hands. DK must have really had a lot of faith in him.

Eventually, the three characters had moved away from the banana boat to a more open area. DK sat off to the side, while Jack and Toon Link stood inside of a large circle that he had drawn in the sand. Jack had also removed his hat and coat, now sporting a red bandanna and a tattered baggy shirt. Toon Link, however, was still in his tanned shorts, and Jack kind of had to give him a double-take because at some angles he looked like he was naked.

The two foes pulled out their weapons, Jack wielding what appeared to be curved Longsword, while Toon was left with his miniature Master Sword. Since this was a pirate duel, he wasn't allowed to use his shield, so he kept it strapped to his back for good measure.

"Okay, here are the rules," said Jack. "The first man to fall to the ground or steps out of the circle loses. There are no best out of threes or anything like that. Just one match, winner take all. Do I make myself clear?"

Toon Link gave a reluctant glance at Donkey Kong who was lying in a lawn chair and skimming through a Banana Beach Resort magazine. The ape didn't even look up, but continued to sip his tropical beverage while giving his friend another thumbs up.

"Yes," replied Toon, turning back to his opponent.

"Alright then." Jack held up his sword. "Let us… Begin!"

The two swordsmen dashed at each other, their blades clashing in a matter of seconds. Toon Link was almost thrown off balance due to the unorthodox way in which Jack's swordplay functioned. The pirate appeared to follow patterns similar to that of fencing, which was a little strange to Toon since he only knew techniques taught by him from Hyrule's Royal Guard. Thankfully, his speed and agility were more than enough to keep Jack's lunges at bay, but it didn't do him any good when he wanted to go on the offensive.

The sad truth was, due to the natural difference between their heights, Jack's reach was much longer than that of Toon's. Couple with the fact that he had a longer sword, it wasn't making this fight any easier for the Smasher. He almost wished he could pull out a boomerang or a bomb to help level the playing field, but alas, this was a battle of blades.

Agreeing to this may have been one of the dumbest decisions he'd made all day.

Well, actually, DK made the decision for him but either way he could be the one who ended up losing a head.

"You're quick, lad!" said Jack, thrusting another jab at the boy. Toon Link rolled out of the way, going for an upward slash, but Jack was able step back, albeit close to the edge.

"Thanks!" replied Toon. "You're pretty good yourself!"

"They don't call me Captain Jack Sparrow for nothing!"

More clashing commenced, and it was starting to look pretty even. Donkey Kong had even taken the time to get up from his seat and watch on the side, cheering his friend on with ground pounds and the like. Toon was starting to build up a sweat again from all the running around, but Jack seemed to be doing rather fine.

In the midst of the fighting, Toon Link stumbled on a loose seashell, his face meeting the sand instantly. He tried to pick himself up quick, but when he opened his eyes, he saw the tip of Jack's blade right on the edge of his nose.

"Sorry, Link," said Jack. "Looks like I won."

"Hey, that's not fair!" replied Toon, pulling himself to his feet. "I tripped!"

"The rules were that the first man to fall would lose, and fall you did." Jack sheathed his weapon, while Toon Link dusted the sand off his body.

"Yeah, but I didn't think tripping would count!"

"Of course tripping counts! We can't just make up rules that say, 'Oh, leave the man alone if he happens to trip.'"

Somewhere far away, at the highest floor of the Hal Laboratories main headquarters, Masahiro Sakurai was laughing his ass off.

"You're cheating!" shouted Toon.

"Well, I _am_ a pirate," responded Jack casually. "It's kind of what I do. Now relinquish your monkey to me so that I can get back to what I was doing. This beach is starting to get hot."

Toon Link felt a large hand rubbing the top of his head. He looked up to see Donkey Kong staring down at him with a sympathetic look on his face. The boy immediately hugged his friend.

"No, DK! You can't go!" he cried. "This fight wasn't fair! Don't go with him!"

Donkey Kong hugged Toon back before pushing away from him and shuffling over to Captain Jack Sparrow. The large ape didn't even give his friend a second glance. Now Toon was starting to get a sinking feeling in his stomach. What would the others say when they found out he lost Donkey Kong in a bet? He sold his friend for nothing! The grief and guilt from that thought alone made him want to cry.

"I'm sorry, lad," said Jack. "But that's life." He then turned to his newly acquired monkey companion with a huge smile on his face. "Now monkey, what should I call you? How about Mr. Banana Face? Or maybe even… Captain Jack Sparrow Junior?"

Donkey Kong frowned at Jack before revealing a sinister and toothy grin. Jack stared back in confusion, wondering what on earth the stupid ape could have been smiling at.

"Um… Monkey?" he said. "What are you-"

The next thing he knew, Donkey Kong had straight up head-butted him (side-B) in the face. The force of the attack was so powerful that Jack was immediately hammered into the ground like a human nail. His head poked up from the beach surface as if someone had literally buried him in the sand. His eyes were spinning and he was seeing colorful stars while muttering things like, "Wow, you sure know how to give a warm welcome…"

Donkey Kong quickly ran over to the banana boat and lifted it above his head with ease, all the while shouting various monkey noises. Judging from the frantic way in which he was yelling, it sounded like he was trying to say, "Quick Toon, let's get outta here!"

"B-But… DK?" replied Toon Link, flabbergasted by what he just witnessed. Their eyes locked for a few seconds, at which point Toon Link understood what he was trying to do. He quickly sheathed his sword. "Alright then, let's go!"

The two friends dashed off back up the beach, leaving Jack Sparrow in his slightly dazed and confused state.

"H-Hey come back here!" he shouted. "You can't just leave me like this!"

As if on cue, Donkey Kong came back, but only to dump the bottles from the boat on Jack's head. DK gave a snicker before running back to join Toon Link.

Jack sat there helpless beneath the sand, trying to get his head out of the pile of glass bottles that he was under. Now it was his turn to start regretting ever messing with that crazy monkey in the first place. He should have just taken his banana boat ("ship") and rum bottles while he still could.

"Oh well," he said to himself. "At least it's not a total loss." He puckered his lips together in an attempt to drink from one of the nearby bottles. Of course, every single one of them was empty; it was likely that he had forgotten about that due to all of the fighting from before. Talk about getting a taste of your own medicine!

"Why is the rum always gone?..."

* * *

**Author's Note:** Well, this was a fun chapter! I didn't think Jack Sparrow (from Pirates of the Caribbean for those who are not familiar with him) would be making an appearance in this story, but I'm glad he did since it's something a little different for me. Donkey Kong really wanted that banana boat for some reason, but I don't really blame him. Anyways, tune in next update when we find out what King Dedede has been up to this whole time! Thanks for reading guys and I'll catch ya later!


	4. Shovel Knight & the Sandcastle Contest

Banana Babe Beach Blast

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**Author's Note:** I suppose I should update this story again. Fans of the Kirby anime will recognize the salesman character that comes into play this chapter.

* * *

Chapter 4: Shovel Knight and the Sandcastle Building Contest

* * *

"Ugh, my head…"

King Dedede sat up beneath the shade of a palm tree, his head spinning with miniature Warp Stars. To his dismay, the tree didn't do anything to break his fall when Captain Falcon's Falcon Punch launched him over here. He found himself sitting on an isolated part of the beach next to a flock of beached Seagulls.

"Poyo! Poyo, poyo," came a familiar voice from nearby.

Dedede looked up to see Kirby playing in the sand, lifting up an upside-down bucket to reveal a perfect sandcastle dome. He cheered with excitement and began decorating his creation with various seashells and seaweed that had washed up on the shore.

"What do you think you're doing you little pincushion?" said Dedede as he waltzed up to Kirby. Kirby didn't seem to notice the arrogant king approach him, even in his unusual swimwear. The little Star Warrior continued to play, holding up two shells and deciding which one would look the best on top of the castle. "Hey, I'm talkin' to you!" Dedede lifted up a large foot and promptly stomped Kirby's castle into the sand. Kirby's eyes widened with shock as he watched his beautiful sandcastle crumble to nothing beneath Dedede's girth.

"P-Poyo…" he said disheartened. Small tears began to well up in his eyes.

"Listen up, Kirbeh," replied Dedede nonchalantly. "You's gots to tell me where the place is we came in." He gritted his teeth. "I gotta give that Captain Falcon a piece of my mind."

Indeed, he was feeling pretty salty about the whole Falcon Punch thing. Kirby however, didn't appear to be listening. When he locked eyes with Dedede, his sad face immediately turned into something that resembled pure rage. He next thing Dedede knew, Kirby had pulled out a hammer and straight up clubbed him into the air.

"Argh! Dangit!" cried Dedede as he sailed over the sand, landing several yards away. He quickly got up and armed himself with his own hammer. "That's it! I'm gonna clobber you! No more mister-"

He stopped himself when he noticed he was standing in front of a giant sign. The sign was very colorful, and appeared to be promoting some sort of contest, depicting a nice picture of a sandcastle with flags and seashells decorating its exterior.

"Banana Beach Sandcastle Building Contest," read Dedede aloud. "Try your hand at creating the biggest, bestest sandcastle and have it displayed at the local resort for years to come. Entries are free and the contest closes at the end of the day. Three winners will receive a year's supply of Spicy Curry as well as a trophy. Hmm…" He put a hand to his chin, glancing back at Kirby who appeared to be trying to salvage whatever was left of his sandcastle. "So Kirby thinks he has a chance at winning the contest eh?" Dedede's mouth slithered into a sinister grin. "Ha! I'll show him! I'm gonna make the biggest, bestest sandcastle on the beach! That'll teach the little puffball to mess with me!"

Dedede stood tall and triumphant, a smug look on his face as he imagined being showered with Spicy Curry and an awesome trophy. He didn't even like Spicy Curry that much, but hey, a contest was still a contest. Kirby's sandcastle wasn't even anything to boast about, so he figured he had a pretty good chance at winning this. Defeating Kirby in the contest ought to put that little rascal in his place for stepping out of line!

Kirby built a new tower and started decorating it again. He didn't notice Dedede laughing to himself nearby since he was having so much fun building a sandcastle.

Dedede quickly found a spot on the beach that was far from Kirby but close enough so that he could keep an eye on his progress. He didn't expect Kirby to come up with anything large or complex, thus he figured he was pretty much coming into this contest with zero competition.

"I can smell that trophy already!" exclaimed Dedede as he lifted a shovel and began filling a pail with sand. He filled it to the top in a matter of seconds and immediately flipped it upside-down to make a tower. Unfortunately, upon raising the upturned bucket, the sand he gathered collapsed into a pathetic heap. It didn't take the solid form like Kirby's castle was.

Dedede didn't realize that in order to make a sandcastle, one had to add water to the sand in order to cement the minerals.

So he tried again, only to fail yet again. He tried once more, this time throwing in some rocks and some other random stuff he found in the sand nearby. It seemed like no matter what he added, the sandcastle towers would just sink back down into the ground. He was getting kind of agitated, and it only made his temper rise even further when he noticed that Kirby already had three perfect towers set up.

"Grr, this is so stupid!" cried King Dedede. He threw his shovel into the air and tossed his bucket aside like it was nothing. "There's gotta be an easier way to do this!"

He pulled out some kind of electronic communication device that he had been keeping in his pocket (waterproof of course) and turned it on. After a few seconds, the image of a man in a business suit and sunglasses could be seen onscreen with a cheesy grin on his face.

"Good afternoon Triple D!" said the man with a wave. "Long time no see! How's life on the beach treatin' ya?"

"It's sucks!" replied Dedede. "Kirby and I just entered a sandcastle building contest and he's already beating me!"

"Really? Our Kirby?" The man had a puzzle look on his face. "I wouldn't expect him to be _that_ talented when it came to building."

"See for yourself!" Dedede put the device out in front of him, showing the man from Nightmare Enterprises what Kirby was doing. Kirby continued to decorate his creation with a cute smile on his face obliviously.

"You can't be serious, D," replied the salesman. "That little guy barely knows how to use a shovel."

"He knows something that I don't and it's ticking me off!" exclaimed Dedede. "You guys need to send me a monster pronto!"

"To clobber that there Kirby?"

"No! To beat that there Kirby in a sandcastle building contest!"

The salesman chuckled to himself. "You want us to send you a monster that can build sandcastles? Never thought I'd hear that one from you."

"You gotta have something!" cried Dedede. "Even if it's a bucket monster or a seashell monster, I don't care! Just send me something and make sure it knows how to lift a shovel!"

"Lift a shovel you say?" replied the man. "Hold on, let me check our catalogues." There was a series of humming and whistling coming from the man as he moved out of the camera view. Dedede sat on his butt watching Kirby reluctantly as he hoped for some kind of answer to his prayers. Eventually, the man returned. "Sorry Dedede, but it looks like you're out of luck. We just set our last sandcastle monster to some guy last week."

"You gotta be kidding me!"

"Ah, but don't fret!" The man raised an index finger. "I have the perfect solution to your little Kirby problem. I can get in contact with one of our freelance workers who happen to be in your area. He might be able to help you out, but it's going to cost you a bit more."

Dedede gritted his teeth. He didn't want to have to pay more money just for some contest, but if it meant showing up Kirby then he felt like he didn't have much of a choice. Besides, all the money he used to pay for these things usually came from the pockets of the Cappy Town taxpayers.

"How much is it gonna cost?" asked Dedede.

"Um, let's see…" replied the man as he punched some numbers into his calculator. "Given the fact that you still haven't paid us back yet for the past half a dozen or so monsters, your total comes out to… this." He showed Dedede the value on the calculator, almost giving him a heart attack as he stared at the absurdly large number.

"That's a lot of 0's…" muttered Dedede.

"Take it or leave it, D. The fate of this contest rests in your sweaty hands."

"Argh, fine! Just put it on my tab. I'll pay it all when I get back to Dreamland…"

"Pleasure doing business with you." The man retained his cheesy grin. "I'll give our guy a call and see if he's available. You should expect to see him very soon. Catch you on the flip side Triple D!" The man cut off the connection, the only thing on the screen being a rotating image of the N.M.E. logo.

"What did I just get myself into…" muttered Dedede, sliding the device back into his pocket. As reluctant as he was to ask Nightmare Enterprises for assistance, he didn't think he could live with himself if Kirby turned out being better at making sandcastles than him. This was his chance to prove himself and rub it all in the puffball's face! It gave him a purpose here while he was on vacation anyway. Who wants to spend their days lying in the water or under the sun getting a tan?

Vengeance was a dish best served with bananas.

"Well, I guess all I gotta do now is wait," said Dedede to himself, looking over at Kirby who was already beginning to stack his towers. He had achieved a second level already, kind of like a house of cards, only with sand. A part of his wall ended up crumbling to dust, but he didn't let it get the best of him. Kirby just continued to enjoy himself, oblivious to the fact that envious Dedede was watching his every move.

Suddenly, the ground beneath King Dedede began to shake. He quickly crawled out of the way as a hole in the sand began to form, while pebbles and other minerals shot up into the air as if some creature underground was making its way to the surface.

"What the heck is goin' on here!?" cried Dedede, scrambling to his feet. The commotion eventually ceased, and a small knight's helmet poked out of the hole.

"Greetings!" said the knight. "I presume you are the one known as 'D.D.D?'"

Dedede looked around, as if he thought the knight was talking to someone else.

"I'm King Dedede, yeah," replied Dedede, pointing a stubby thumb at himself.

"K-King!?" said the knight in shock. The knight jumped out of the sand, nimbly landing on his feet and crouching down on one knee. "Forgive me sire. I had no idea I was in the presence of royalty."

Dedede gave the knight a queer look; he wasn't used to being treated with such respect, especially from strangers. Why, most of the Smashers called him a bumbling idiot half the time, and more often than not he came off as a selfish jerk rather than a noble king.

Although, the formalities were nice to say the least.

The knight in particular was one of the weirdest ones Dedede had ever seen in his life. For starters, he was short, standing about as tall as Meta Knight. This included the two horns that protruded from the knight's blue helmet. He was dressed from head to toe in heavy armor that matched the color of his helmet. Instead of a sword, the character appeared to be wielding a shovel, something that no self-proclaimed knight would be caught dead carrying out in the open. He had something like a medieval accent when he spoke, and his voice sounded strong and projected from behind the helmet.

"Um… Yeah, that's right," said Dedede. "I'm royalty! And you have to obey me!"

"As you command, sire." The knight continued to keep his head down. "I am at your service."

"Ooh, I'm liking this already." Dedede had a sly grin on his face. "So I take it you're the guy they sent me?"

"Indeed, sire." The knight stood up. "I am a lone wanderer, a bringer of justice, and a bit of a treasure hunter!" The knight lifted up his shovel, posing heroically with it. "I am Sir Shovel Knight, the only knight in all the land daring enough to wield a spade before a blade!"

"Spade before a blade, eh?" chuckled Dedede. "Well, Shovel Knight, I think you're perfect."

"You do me too much honor, my liege." Shovel Knight took a bow. "Now, how shall I serve thee?"

Dedede started rubbing his hands together mischievously.

"Heheh. How about you start by buildin' me a castle?"

"A castle, sir?" replied Shovel Knight. "Why would I have to build you a castle if you are already a king?"

"Uh, I need another one! Yeah, that's it! A filthy rich king like me deserves more castles! Now, hop to it Shovel Knight!" He clapped his hands twice. "Build me a castle! Oh, but make it a sandcastle. I'm kind of trying to win a contest right now."

He gestured to the sign displaying the details on the sandcastle building contest. Shovel Knight looked over, skimming the description of what the contest entailed before giving a salute.

"Your wish is my command, sire!" he exclaimed. The next thing Dedede knew, Shovel Knight had grabbed a bucket and began pouring wet sand into it with his shovel. He moved at an incredible pace, dashing back and forth between the water and mainland to refill on water. He began stacking the sand towers, creating perfect and sturdy walls without leaving behind so much as a crack. In a matter of minutes, Dedede's castle was starting to take form, and it looked like it was actually going to take up a large portion of the beach.

"Excellent…" grinned Dedede. "That trophy is as good as mine. That beanbag Kirby won't know what hit him by the time we're done with this…"

* * *

**Author's Note:** This chapter is really just a setup for something that will be coming very soon (like, after the next chapter). I didn't expect to bring another non-Smash character into this, but whatever. I think it kind of adds to the charm of this story. Hope you guys enjoyed and I'll catch ya later!


	5. Strip Volleyball Anyone?

Banana Babe Beach Blast

* * *

**Author's Note:** Another update, another reason for me to wonder what I'm doing with my life. Warning: This chapter contains brief nudity.

* * *

Chapter 5: Strip Volleyball Anyone?

* * *

After about an hour of swimming, the Smashers on the main beach decided to take it easy and relax on the sand. Pit was still in the water however, since he really couldn't get enough of that salty sea goodness. Following all that energy exertion came the inevitable rumbling of the tummies, but most of the Smashers were able to satisfy themselves with one of the plethora of Donkey Kong's bananas.

"I think it's about time we got some lunch," said Mario, tossing his banana peel into a nearby wastebasket.

"That's a good idea if I ever heard one!" replied Doc Louis, who was in the middle of munching on a chocolate bar. The good coach was still dressed in his red sweater and track pants, but he was pretty content with that. Doc was more or less sweating up a storm at this point, but he claimed that it helped him lose weight so he didn't really mind it. "You said they got a snack bar around here?"

"We passed one as we came in I believe," said Lucina, who was eying a hermit crab as it scurried towards the water.

Shulk leaned back on his towel beneath the protective shade of his Bionis umbrella, the legendary Monado lying idly by his side. Falcon and Palutena were sun tanning right next to him, but they both appeared to be too enraptured by the sun's rays to do or say anything.

"They have hamburgers and sausages as far as I could tell," said Shulk. "If we're lucky, maybe they'll have some fries too!"

It was a little known fact, but Shulk really loved French fries. He typically only ate them whenever he had a full bottle of ketchup nearby though. Ketchup and fries went hand in hand, but most of the time he went overboard with the ketchup to fry ratio.

"Then what are we sitting around here for?" replied Mario. "Let's get some food! Any volunteers?"

Mario looked around the camp, but most of his friends appeared to be either too busy or too lazy to respond. Wario was currently waddling around with a metal detector trying to find some treasure beneath the sand, while Samus remained silent as always with her face in a book. Robyn was sitting by herself with a banana, but she just shrugged her shoulders in Mario's direction.

The sound of quick footsteps could soon be heard, and everyone looked up to see Toon Link and Donkey Kong jogging towards their position. For some reason, DK was carrying what appeared to be a giant wooden banana above his head, and he set the massive thing down right next to Falcon and Palutena with a grunt.

"Oh my… That's a big banana," mumbled Palutena, closing her eyes and getting back to tanning.

"Where the heck were you guys?" asked Little Mac, who was sitting on a lawn chair that was facing the ocean.

Toon Link was out of breath and put his hands on his knees before completely falling backward onto the sand. Mario, Doc, and Robyn quickly got up and stood over him.

"Toon? You okay?" asked Robyn.

"Crazy… Pirate… Man…" was all he could say between breaths.

Donkey Kong began explaining through a series of hand signs and poor re-enacting what went down at the other end of the beach. Apparently they had run into some weird pirate who went by the name of Captain Jack Sparrow. He had challenged Toon Link to a duel in order to see who could keep the banana boat. DK left out the part about Toon Link losing, stating that Toon had actually demolished the pirate with one hand tied behind his back, and that they won the boat fair and square.

"Why were you running then?" asked Mario.

DK put his arms up and made his classic "I don't know" face.

"Well that's just swell then!" exclaimed Doc. "Maybe we can go for a boat ride later!"

DK frowned, picking up his banana boat and carrying it over to where his bags were. He then began taking out bananas and putting them in the boat. Apparently, he wasn't too fond of the thought of anyone using his banana boat for anything other than storing bananas.

"I'm so tired now…" muttered Toon. "Need… food…"

"You need food?" asked Mario. "Come with us then! We were just about to go and grab some lunch."

"Really?" Toon Link sat up.

"Yep. Doc and I were going to go." Mario glanced at the coach who gave a firm nod and another bite of his chocolate. "You want to come too?"

"Um." Toon looked at the other members of the group, who were all just kind of doing their own things. "Yeah sure." He was curious as to why everyone was just sitting around and not doing anything. Had all that swimming really tuckered them out?

"Alright, that settles it then," said Doc. "Hey all, we're going to get some food. If you want something, just shout it out!"

His statement was soon followed by a mishmash of foods all said by the other Smashers at once. Doc eventually had to resort to going around the camp and taking everyone's order down on paper. Ideally, Mario, Toon Link, and himself would return with trays full of piping hot (or ice cold if they preferred) food. No one really knew what was at the snack bar, but they figured about a dozen hamburgers and hotdogs would suffice. Robyn made it apparent that she wanted something that resembled a salad, but Mario doubted they would have any there (salads aren't beach food, silly). DK was content with his banana hoard, but he noted that he wanted something like ice cream or pudding to go with them. Little Mac was on a strict no-beef diet, so he requested anything that was filling and contained protein, while Falcon and Wario both insisted on bringing extra burgers because they ate pretty big. Jigglypuff was still floating around nearby, but she didn't need anything since she still had her Pokémon food that she and Greninja packed.

"Should we get something for Greninja too?" asked Mario.

"Don't bother," replied Samus. "He's been in the water since we got here. Who knows when he plans on showing up again."

No one really knew much about the mysterious Pokémon known as Greninja, but none of them would have guessed him to be the antisocial weirdo of the group. Maybe he just really liked the water?

"Oh, and what about drinks?" asked Toon.

"I'd like something with coconut in it," replied Lucina.

"I guess I better write this down again…" mumbled Doc as he searched his pockets for another paper to write on.

Eventually, Mario, Toon, and Doc made their way back to the mainland with the food orders ready to go. Thanks to Kirby, this entire vacation was already bought and paid for, so the Smashers could pretty much order anything they wanted without having to be charged for it. Of course they were going to take advantage of this fact, but Mario promised Kirby he would order him a giant cake at the end of all this just to say thanks. After all, Kirby had a hard time asking for things, especially since the only two words he could say were, "Poy," and "Yo," or some variation of them.

Palutena watched them leave from the corner of her eye before sitting up and giving her back a stretch.

"That'll probably take them a while," she said. "We should do something in the meantime."

"I am doing something," replied Falcon, who rolled over onto his stomach. "I'm pampering myself."

"Surely there are other things to do at the beach besides tanning and swimming?" asked Lucina. Truth be told, she was feeling kind of bored. She had been tracing circles in the sand with her toes this whole time, but no one else seemed to notice.

"What did you have in mind, Palutena?" asked Robyn.

"Oh, I don't know," replied the goddess, her eyes wandering around looking for something to do. She could see some other people playing bean bag toss further up the beach, but she wasn't interested in playing a kiddy game like that. No, what Palutena wanted was something a little more… crazy.

Jigglypuff waltzed up to her carrying a small shovel. She held it up to Palutena eagerly, asking if she would be interested in building a sandcastle with her.

"I've got it!" exclaimed Palutena as she jumped to her feet. The next thing Jiggs knew, Palutena had picked her up with both hands, holding her like a beach ball. Jigglypuff dropped the shovel and stared at the goddess curiously. "Let's play some volleyball!"

"Again?" asked Shulk in dismay. "We just did that like ten minutes ago."

"I mean _real_ volleyball," replied Palutena. "You know, the kind where you only play on the sand and never go in the water. Mortals play it all the time at the beach."

"Bo-ring," came Wario's voice from a few yards away. His head was still focused on the metal detector, but apparently he could hear the conversation as clear as day."

"I think it could be fun," said Robyn, pulling herself to her feet. "Anyone else want to play?"

Lucina got up as well seeing as how she really couldn't find an excuse for herself. Any physical activity was good for her anyway since she never liked taking it _too_ easy on vacation. She was soon joined by Little Mac, who also felt the need to get some exercise since he wanted to continue his training.

"Well we almost have a team," said Palutena. She put a hand to her chin, glancing at the other Smashers. Samus was pretending like she didn't hear a word she said and kept her eyes focused on the pages of her novel. Ideally, Palutena wanted to have an even game with five players per team. Surely there were enough people here already? "How about this then." She strutted over to one of the open areas on the beach. "Let's go best two out of three, boys versus girls. That should be fair enough right?"

Falcon scoffed, pushing himself up into a sitting position with a smirk.

"Seriously?" he said. "Those teams are more unbalanced than Meta Knight was in Brawl!"

"I know right?" replied Robyn. "The boys wouldn't stand a chance against us."

"Um, no actually." Falcon got up and waltzed over to Robyn. "It's more like you girls wouldn't last two seconds against _us_. Between Shulk, Little Mac, and I, we would just dominate you guys six ways to Sunday."

Robyn crossed her arms. "Don't flatter yourself. If anything, Shulk would be doing the heavy lifting since the Monado visions would be your only hope at winning."

"Oh man, I probably could too," said Shulk, who appeared to be much more interested in the conversation after hearing his name. "The Monado makes competitive sports totally unfair."

Falcon shot at look at Shulk. The Monado boy then turned away and began whistling something as if he wasn't paying attention.

"It doesn't matter since we outnumber you," said Falcon, giving a frown to Robyn. "If Jigglypuff's the ball, that puts us at six guys to four girls. So suck on that!" He began making obscene gestures at Robyn, but she really couldn't argue with his logic. Unless they found a new ball, it looked like they were stuck playing four versus four, which meant two people would have to sit out.

"OR!" exclaimed Palutena, putting up a finger. "We could just borrow Pit."

"Pfft, yeah right," replied Falcon. "As if Pit would ever abandon his manly brethren.

Palutena waved her sceptre, and the next thing anyone knew, Pit came flying from the water and onto the beach, taking in a mouthful of sand in the process. He quickly got up, dusting the damp minerals off his limbs.

"Lady Palutena, can you PLEASE warn me next time!?" he shouted.

"If Pit's with us, then that makes the teams even," replied Palutena, ignoring her subordinate's comment.

"B-But Pit's not a girl!" retorted Falcon.

"I can just make him a girl," replied Palutena, waving her sceptre again. Pit was immediately enveloped in a white light, his chest puffing out slightly. He then grabbed his crotch area while his cheeks began to flush with redness.

"W-What the heck did you do to me!?" he cried, although his voice began to crack and sounded a little more feminine. Falcon cringed, realizing what Palutena had done, and promptly covered his own lower region out of instinct.

"Actually, that's kind of weird," said Palutena, studying Pit's figure momentarily. "It would be a good prank to play on Dark Pit though." She returned Pit back to his original male form like it was nothing, earning a huge sigh of relief from the angel.

"Wow…" muttered Robyn. "Remind me to never get you angry."

"In any case, we have an even number of players," said Palutena. "So what say you, boys? You think you could take us on?"

"For the record, I never said I was playing," replied Samus, raising a hand from her position under her umbrella.

Palutena quickly rushed to her side and put her arms around her.

"Aw come on Samus, don't be such a party pooper," she said in a whiny voice.

Samus ended up dropping her book, giving the Goddess of Light an awkward look.

"Will you please let go of me…" she grunted.

"Well I'm not afraid of a few girls!" exclaimed Falcon. "Shulk! Little Mac! Are you with me!?"

"I guess we are," replied Shulk, picking up his Monado and joining the F-Zero racer. "Good luck trying to convince tall dark and hairy though."

Shulk gestured towards Donkey Kong who was still busy loading bananas into his boat. No one really knew where he was going with it though since the banana-carrying banana boat was still beached on Banana Beach.

"And what about Wario?" asked Little Mac.

"Oh, Wario will be easy enough," replied Palutena. "All I have to do is say we're going to play some strip volleyball and he'll come running."

Immediately, Wario's ears picked up the sound of Palutena's words, and he dropped his metal detector on the spot. He then dashed to Falcon's side faster than Wario Man ever could, and stood there rubbing his hands mischievously and his mouth drooling.

"Count me in!" he declared. "Since we're all wearing swimsuits, there's only so much we can take off, heheh…"

"You're not serious are you?" asked Lucina, whose eyes fell to her blue top. "Strip volleyball is just a different mode of the game, correct?"

"No actually," replied Palutena. "The same rules as volleyball apply, only the losing team has to take their clothes off."

"What clothes?" replied Little Mac. "We're at the beach!"

"Yeah, that's the point."

"I'm… strangely okay with this," replied Shulk. "I feel naked all the time anyway so it doesn't really matter to me."

Everyone at the camp (including Donkey Kong) gave him a dumbstruck look. They all stood there in awkward silence for a few seconds before Falcon cleared his throat.

"Um, okay then," he said. "Well, if it's volleyball you want, then volleyball you're gonna get!" He began flexing his muscles dramatically. "You know, I used to be captain of the volleyball team back in high school. Or was that badminton?..."

"So DK, you in?" asked Robyn.

Donkey Kong shrugged his shoulders before dropping what he was doing and shuffling over to the group. He figured that he might as well do _something_ since this whole time he had been wandering around looking for that giant banana, which turned out to be just a boat. He had a hunch however, that the real giant banana he was looking for was still out there somewhere…

"That just leaves you Samus," said Palutena, who gave her another squeeze. "Come on, what do you say?"

Samus sighed. It's not that she didn't enjoy sports, but she kind of wished she was playing with other Smashers. Anyone would have been better, Marth, Fox, Meta Knight, you name it. She wasn't really enthusiastic of the thought of playing with Wario, not to mention the fact that everyone else appeared to be kind of cornered into this little game as well. They had all this time to kill so why let it go to waste?

"Fine," she finally said before getting up. "But if we lose, I'm not taking anything off."

"That's the spirit!" exclaimed Palutena. "Well, sort of."

"Alright, then let's get this game started!" said Robyn.

Jigglypuff tumbled along the sand in the breeze, not really paying any attention to anything. Apparently, Palutena had dropped her when she went to go see Samus, but Jigglypuff didn't really care. She was used to being the punching bag anyway.

Eventually, the Smashers set up a volleyball net on the beach. It was pretty easy thanks to Donkey Kong's large hands and tallness, and soon the two teams had positioned themselves on either side of the court.

"Okay, game plan time boys," said Falcon, pulling his teammates into a huddle. "I'll be on the offensive side, so just bump the ball up high and I'll Falcon Spike it to their end of the court. Sound easy enough?"

"Wait, what are the rest of us supposed to do?" asked Shulk.

"I just said, bump the ball up high so I can spike it." Falcon shook his head. "Just get the ball to me and I can win it for us. Those girls won't know what hit 'em."

"If we use the same strategy over and over again, they're bound to pick up on it," replied Little Mac. "And besides, that plan sucks; none of us get to do anything."

"Yeah, whatever Mac," said Wario. "You're probably the most useless one out of all of us. You can't even jump!"

"I can too jump! I just need someone to footstool off of…"

"It may be best to keep Little Mac at the back," said Shulk. "He may not be able to jump high, but he definitely has the best serve."

Little Mac sighed in dismay. Being the boxer that he was, jumping was pretty much a useless skill to have. It came as no surprise why he sucked at jumping, but in a game where half of play time require being in the air, he certainly was at a disadvantage.

"Just remember the formation," said Falcon. "Shulk and I at the front, Wario and Mac at the back, and DK in the middle. He's got the longest reach so at least he'll be able to cover more ground that way. Got it?"

He earned a series of "okays" from his teammates, along with a grunt of approval from DK.

Meanwhile on the other side of the court…

"Pit and Samus have the highest jump so we'll keep them at the front," said Robyn. "With Lucina and me at the rear, we should be able to cover enough ground if the ball goes astray. Knowing Captain Falcon, he'll probably get them to hand him the ball so he can spike, so Palutena will stay in the center and use her Reflect Barrier in case things get hectic."

The girls' team was pretty content with Robyn's plan, and they were also thankful to have a tactician on their side. Knowing the opposing team's strategy was half the battle after all.

"Question," replied Lucina. "Can I use my sword?"

She lifted up her Falchion curiously. Jigglypuff noticed the shiny metal and began cowering behind Pit's leg.

"That wouldn't be a good idea," said Palutena. "Unless you plan on popping Jigglypuff."

Just the mere thought of it made Jigglypuff shiver, and she soon began burying her head into the sand out of fear.

"No swords allowed," said Robyn. "Instead you should focus on your arms and hands." She made a motion, showing Lucina how to properly bump and volley the ball. "When the ball is high enough, you can go for a spike and try to smash it into the other team's area. It's easier to do when you're close to the net though, so we should only have to worry about keeping the ball in the air."

"Hm, sounds simple enough…" replied Lucina, trying to imitate Robyn's technique.

"If Lady Palutena grants me the power of flight, then it should be game over for them!" exclaimed Pit as he raised a fist.

"You will certainly get your wings, Pit," replied Palutena warmly. "I just hope we can keep up with their speed. Between Little Mac and Captain Falcon, we may have to do some running around."

"Leave that to me," said Samus. "I may not have the Zero Suit, but I still have my agility."

"You'll be wearing your 'Zero Suit' if we lose this game though," chuckled Palutena.

"What do you?..." It took Samus a few seconds to realize what Palutena was referring to. "Oh shut up."

Soon enough, the teams broke apart, and the Smashers got into position. Robyn stood at the back of her team, tossing Jigglypuff up and down while her other hand was on her hip.

"Last chance to back down, Falcon," she said with a smirk.

Falcon performed a series of flaming punches, kicks, and backflips as a means of intimidation. Shulk backed away slightly from him in order not to get singed.

"None of us are backing out! We're gonna kick your butts!" he responded.

"Ugh, I hope not…" muttered Pit as he rubbed his backside. He recalled the last time Captain Falcon had landed a Falcon Kick on him when his back was turned. Let's just say that he wasn't able to go to the bathroom for an entire week after that.

"Serve up!" exclaimed Robyn, lobbing Jigglypuff over the net.

Donkey Kong received the ball easily and bumped it back over, where it was then returned by Pit. Jigglypuff didn't even know what was going on as she sailed back and forth over the court. She was actually enjoying the wind in her hair before it inevitably came to a halt whenever she got smacked by someone's hands.

Wario dove for the ball but ended up tripping over his own two feet, falling flat on his face and completely missing. The girls' team cheered.

"Nice one Samus!" exclaimed Palutena.

"Hmph," she replied. "No trouble at all."

"Wario you moron!" cried Falcon. "How do you trip on the sand?!"

"Yeah, I thought they removed tripping in this game," commented Shulk.

"Aw who cares!?" replied Wario. "You didn't seriously expect us to win this flawlessly did you?"

"Well yeah, I kind of did…" muttered Falcon, a small sparkling tear in his eye.

Little Mac picked up the ball, patting Jigglypuff on the head.

"You ready for this?" he asked.

Jigglypuff looked around, kind of confused as to what was going on. It was almost like she had been knocked around so much that her brain had fallen out of her head.

"Sorry," said Mac as he tossed Jiggs into the air. He reeled back and pulled off a fully charged Smash attack, launching Jigglypuff over the net. Lucina received it, returning the ball with a bump but applying a bit too much force on her one arm. This of course caused the ball to travel diagonally, where it was intercepted by Shulk thanks to his Jump Monado Arts.

"Hey, we said no swords!" cried Robyn.

"I'm not using a sword!" replied Shulk, motioning to the Monado on his back. He could still tap into its power, but he didn't have to necessarily hold onto it with both of his hands.

"Allow me to take that!" exclaimed Pit, flying up and blocking the strike. Jigglypuff fell down onto the boys' side where Donkey Kong received it with another bump.

"Hey, stay in position!" cried Falcon. "You almost hit me!"

DK slapped the F-Zero racer on the back, forcing Falcon into a stumble. This was the perfect opportunity for Samus to jump up and spike the ball at Falcon's area of the court. Unfortunately, he wasn't in any position to save the ball, and ended up costing his team a point.

"It may be smart to not piss off Donkey Kong," said Shulk, helping Falcon up to his feet. Falcon grimaced at DK who responded with his own grin.

"Grr… Fine…"

The game continued on, eventually going in the girls' favor thanks to the early point advantage. There were a few gimmicks they could rely on such as Pit's wings, Palutena's Reflect Barrier, and Samus' high jumps. The guys, on the other hand, had some pretty counterintuitive abilities, like Little Mac's KO Punch and Wario's Wario Waft. They really only had ways of hitting the ball hard, which more often than not resulted in Jigglypuff falling out of bounds.

The girls ended up winning the first game, but the second one was quick to begin when they changed sides. Falcon's excuse was that the sun always shined on their end of the court despite the fact that he was wearing a helmet with tinted lenses. Shulk turned out to be the real MVP of the group, being able to both jump high and run incredibly fast thanks to the Monado, making his abilities pretty versatile. Wario was pretty miserable, being a slow Smasher with a low reach, which more or less made him a weaker version of Donkey Kong. He tried to eat Jigglypuff once to see of that would help, but as anyone would have guessed, it really didn't. Donkey Kong's spinning maneuvers did come in handy sometimes though, but the team could never set up enough spikes for Falcon to take the game home.

Fortunately for the guys, Lucina was pretty inexperienced at this game, and more often than not they would try to aim at the ball at her end of the court. Robyn also wasn't very fast on her feet, but she did have that hand-eye coordination. The girls' weak point appeared to be the back line, so once the ball got past Samus and Palutena, the match always ended up in the boys' favor.

Eventually, the third game rolled around, which turned out to be the great tie breaker. By this time, everyone was sweating buckets, and it didn't help at all that some of them were getting pretty hungry again. Donkey Kong appeared to be the most relaxed out of everyone, barely putting in any effort to hit the ball since he didn't have to walk far in order to reach it. With both teams throwing in everything they had, it didn't look like either of them was going to win. Sure enough, however, they made it to the last deciding round, and that was the round that would determine who would have to take their clothes off.

"I can't… do this anymore…" moaned Pit, falling to his knees. "I'm too tired…"

"Me too…" said Robyn, dropping Jigglypuff on the sand. "I think I need a break."

"Guys, we can't quit now!" replied Palutena. "We just have to win this last round and then that's it!"

"It's too hot," said Samus, wiping the sweat from her head. "Let's just call it even and go in the water."

"Ha!" shouted Falcon. "Throwing in the towel already eh!?" He stood tall, his oily skin shining beneath the blazing sun.

"Speak for yourself."

Falcon turned around to see Little Mac, Wario, and Shulk lying on the sand. They were all out of breath and panting heavily, all of them with their eyes closed. DK just stood in the middle of them scratching his head in confusion.

"Hey get up!" cried Falcon. "This isn't over yet!"

"It might as well be," mumbled Shulk. "It's not like either team is winning."

The score may have been even, but that didn't change Falcon nor Palutena's sense of determination. After all, the losing team would have to take their clothes off!

"Let's forget the game and go swimming," said Mac. "This is stupid."

"As much as I hate to agree with you," replied Wario. "I have to."

"But… But we're so close!" whined Falcon.

"Do you surrender?" asked Palutena from the other side of the net.

Falcon gritted his teeth. "In your dreams sister! It's gonna take more than a little heat to slow us down!"

Both Falcon and Palutena's team moaned in tiredness. The Smashers lying on the ground were actually a pretty sad sight, but that didn't stop whatever fiery passion they had left. Reluctantly, the players on the ground picked themselves up, staggering to their feet and trying not to get dizzy.

"Last serve," said Lucina. "Better make it count."

"Right," replied Robyn, before tossing Jigglypuff up in the air. "Serve up!"

She bumped the ball overhead, but no one on the opposing team jumped for it. Instead, Wario haphazardly knocked it with his arm, which caused it to bounce up where DK was able to return it. Samus intercepted the oncoming ball, and the craziness continued as Jigglypuff was bopped from one player to another.

Now was the time to bring out Captain Falcon's secret weapon.

"Little Mac! Up high!" shouted Falcon.

Little Mac got into position, receiving the ball and bumping it up. "Hope this works," he said under his breath.

Everyone watched the ball rise, blocking out the sun ever so slightly. It was then when Falcon kicked off the ground, using his double jump to climb even higher into the air. The girls realized what he was trying to do and immediately broke out into a panic.

"Gah!" cried Pit. "Lady Palutena, do something!"

"If he lands that attack we're goners!" shouted Robyn.

Captain Falcon smirked, reeling back to charge his ultimate attack.

"Game, set and match ladies!" he cried as his fist began to glow with the fiery embers of a flaming falcon.

"Don't tell me…" said Lucina in horrifying realization.

Falcon lined up perfectly with the ball in midair, straining his body and charging every ounce of energy he had left.

"Falcon…" he muttered, staring into the helpless eyes of Jigglypuff.

"J-Jiggly?..." said the Pokémon.

"PAWNCH!"

He unleashed his most deadly attack, the incredible Falcon Punch, a punch so powerful that it could level an entire city in a matter of seconds. Harnessing the energy of a thousand suns, this punch was one of, if not _the_ deadliest attack in the entirety of the Super Smash Bros.

And Captain Falcon just used it on Jigglypuff.

There was a fiery explosion and the cry of a raging falcon as Jigglypuff's body ignited into flames, rocketing at dangerously high speeds towards the girls' court. There was about a split second to react, but thankfully Palutena had predicted this clever maneuver of Captain Falcon.

"Reflect!" she shouted, putting up a mirror wall that covered her team's entire area.

Jigglypuff's explosive body collided with the wall, but instead of getting reflected, she continued pressing against it, as if the attack itself was trying to shatter the glass and destroy everyone on the other side of the court. There were a series of shouts and screams following this, along with the painful cry of a pink Pokémon whose body was beginning to dissolve, materialize, and combust all at the same time.

The entire volleyball court erupted in a mass of flame and sand, creating a giant mushroom cloud that ascended hundreds of feet into the air. Many vacationers stopped what they were doing to watch the brilliant display of fireworks, and the Smashers were all caught somewhere in the middle of it!

Several minutes later, the fire and smoke finally dissipated, revealing a large crater embedded in the sand where the volleyball game once stood. Captain Falcon opened his eyes, realizing that he was on his knees, and all in one piece. He blinked a few times, looking around the battlefield.

"Did… Did we win?" he muttered. Truthfully, he didn't really care at this point. For when he opened his eyes, Falcon realized that he and his fellow Smashers were all lying on the sand stark naked.

What happened following this could basically be summed up with a multitude of screams, panicky running around, and scrambling to cover up. To be frank, no one was prepared, and it only made the situation more hectic as people ran for the water, or dove to grab whatever clothing or towels they could get their hands on.

Among the chaos however, Donkey Kong remained calm and unfazed. He wasn't wearing clothes to begin with so whether he won the volleyball game or not didn't matter to him. He was just happy to be back with his bananas.


	6. Shoddy King of the Sandy Castle

Banana Babe Beach Blast

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**Author's Note:** Thanks for the reviews everyone; I really appreciate it. It's great to hear that the zany and semi-lewdish humor is appealing to some people out there. I'm going to keep it rated T since I'm really not going to go as far as I did with chapter 2.

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Chapter 6: Shoddy King of the Sandy Castle

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"Holy fish balls…" muttered Dedede, his mouth nearly touching the ground as he stared dumbfounded at the towering beast of a sandcastle.

"How is it looking milord?" called Shovel Knight from the highest tower up above.

King Dedede had to squint and block out the sun with his hand in order to get a small glimpse of his loyal follower. Shovel Knight's sandcastle was absolutely ginormous, covering as much square feet as a third of a football field, and standing almost a dozen stories high. The castle had been constructed with every little detail considered, including watchtowers, patrol walls, and even windows. The sandy bricks that made up the castle's exterior were decorated with seashells and other various seashore items. Seeing a castle of this magnitude was impressive to say the least, and especially considering it only took Shovel Knight less than half an hour to build this literally from the ground up.

"H-How's it look?" said Dedede out loud, his brain still trying to process the sheer size of this sandcastle. "It looks… I don't… How did…"

"Hold that thought!" replied the knight. He then proceeded to enter the tower through the door at the top and make his way all the way down to the main floor. He scurried to the drawbridge, opening it with ease thanks to the lever and seaweed chains he installed. Realistically, the drawbridge wasn't even necessary since the castle was sitting smack dab in the middle of Banana Beach, but it was still a nice touch all the same.

Shovel Knight casually strolled up to King Dedede, standing beside him to admire his work.

"Hmm…" he said. "Your speechlessness says quite a lot sire." Shovel Knight put a hand to his helmeted chin. "Please forgive the lack of consistency with the hermit crab shells as I was only able to find four vacant ones. Also, I am aware that the door may not be symmetrical, but that was a fault of the wind. I do appreciate the criticism though."

Dedede was still at a loss for words, not even paying any attention to what Shovel Knight was saying. He continued to mumble words of disbelief to himself, his eyes fixed on the magnificent castle as he studied every last detail of the structure.

"Sire?" said Shovel Knight. "Um… Hello?" He waved a hand in front of Dedede's face, which fortunately broke the penguin king out of his trance.

"Huh? What?" mumbled Dedede, shaking his head back into reality.

"Is there anything else you'd like to say before I take you on the grand tour?" asked Shovel Knight.

King Dedede glanced back up at his new castle before shrugging his shoulders.

"Meh, it's alright I guess," he replied casually. In actuality, he was pretty much going bananas on the inside with pure excitement, and he really couldn't wait to shove all of this in Kirby's face. Still, he kept his cool, and pretended like this castle wasn't anything spectacular. "My real castle back home is like… a million times bigger and fancier than this. Plus it was made in like… two minutes… by one guy."

Shovel Knight appeared to be disheartened by his statements. Little did he know, however, that King Dedede was making all of this up just to make it seem like he wasn't that impressed. As a matter of fact, King Dedede's castle in Dreamland took several years to build, so much so that it had to be demolished and rebuilt again because the stupid Waddle Dees were referencing the blueprints upside down.

"Ah… I see…" replied Shovel Knight sadly. "I apologize for my incompetence, sire. I promise that it will not happen again."

Dedede smirked slyly. "I'll let it slide this time. But if you mess up again, so help me I'll… Make you tear it down and build me another one. Or no, I'll make you build me _two_. Maybe that'll learn ya for next time." He paused, thinking that he might have been acting a little too harsh. "But I'm satisfied for now."

The next thing he knew, Shovel Knight immediately got down on his knees and began to grovel at his feet.

"Oh please do not look down upon me, my lord!" he cried. "I have shamed both you and my own name! I don't deserve to work in the presence of such a generous king!"

Dedede stared at the crying man on the ground, glancing back and forth with uncertainty.

"Hey, take it easy," he said. "I said I was satisfied."

"You are too kind!" replied Shovel Knight. "Such compassion! Such understanding! A knight such as I has no right to serve under a lord such as you!"

He started grabbing onto Dedede's legs, wiping his tears into his dated swimsuit.

"Will you cut it out!?" cried Dedede. "People are looking at us!"

He wasn't lying, but really, if you saw an abnormally large sandcastle on the beach next to a tiny knight crying at the feet of a fat penguin, you'd probably stop to stare too.

Shovel Knight quickly jumped to his feet, giving a proud salute.

"I promise to give you more than satisfaction from now on milord!" exclaimed Shovel Knight. "You will never be disappointed again!"

"Good. Great," replied Dedede flatly. "You'd be a real miracle worker if you could fulfill that last one."

"I know what will cheer you up!" said Shovel Knight, picking up his shovel and turning to face his grand creation. "Come with me and I shall introduce you to your new home here on Banana Beach!"

Apparently, Shovel Knight was under the impression that King Dedede wanted a castle so that he could stay here on the beach forever. With that in mind, the castle had been rigged with its own electrical wiring, plumbing system, and even a mini fridge with snacks. The castle wasn't just an empty shell, but a full out extravagant domain complete with a kitchen, a living room, several bedrooms and bathrooms, and a throne room. It had all the comforts of home and then some, and it all belonged to Dedede right here on this very beach.

Shovel Knight led Dedede throughout the giant sandcastle, showing off all of the great features the castle came with. Dedede remained unimpressed the whole time, but this was merely a mask to hide his true feelings. He was actually as excited as a little kid getting a new Nintendo console for Christmas.

Eventually, the pair came upon the watchtower, which overlooked the shoreline better than a lifeguard's chair. Kirby could still be seen working on his sandcastle several yards away, but he wasn't making much progress. In fact, he was about as far as he was when Dedede last saw him due to the fact that he got caught trying to steal a French fry from a stray seagull.

Kirby continued to pile up sand blissfully while humming a familiar tune. He didn't seem to notice the ginormous sandcastle next to him even though it was sitting in front of his face.

"Grr, what's he so happy about…" muttered Dedede in annoyance. He narrowed his eyes on that there Kirby with pure hatred and a little bit of jealousy. "He should be in awe of my super creation!"

Shovel Knight nodded his head, not even thinking about correcting Dedede on whose super creation this castle really was.

"A rival kingdom, sire?" asked the knight curiously.

"Hm?" Dedede glanced at him momentarily before returning to the binoculars he had stuck in front of his face. "Uh… Yeah that's right. That there pink puffball is another king. He thinks he's so much better than me! Just look at him sittin' there… Playing in the sand… Singing songs… It makes me sick!"

Shovel Knight swiped the binoculars from Dedede's possession and took a gander through the large lens. Upon examination, Kirby didn't look at all threatening. He actually looked pretty innocent, almost like a young child whose parents left him to go play in the sandbox for the afternoon.

"I suppose the way in which he wields that shovel can be kind of threatening…" replied Shovel Knight, but he was pretty much grasping at straws trying to determine exactly what made the other king so menacing. "Does he have a name?"

"Most people 'round these parts call him Kirby," said Dedede with a snarl. "But me, I prefer to call him 'Captain Fuzzbag.'" As many would suspect, Dedede just made that name up as an excuse to make fun of Kirby again, but as always, Shovel Knight took his word for law.

"I see," replied Shovel Knight, studying the pink creature yet again. "Well, as powerful as this King Captain Fuzzbag appears, I don't think you should worry about him milord. His castle barely stands two feet above the ground, so he shouldn't be any problem for you in the contest."

It's true; Kirby's castle was certainly nothing to boast about. Dedede's on the other hand, was everything that a king could ever ask for. It was a sandcastle paradise, and he was happy with what he ended up with, but something still felt like it was missing. He wanted Kirby to notice him because honestly there really wasn't any point in winning this contest if Kirby wasn't aware of it. At this point, King Dedede wasn't even sure if Kirby was registered in the contest!

"That don't matter to me," said Dedede. "I don't just want to win this contest." He punched a fist into his other hand. "I want to stomp his little Kirby head into the ground!" He leaned over the edge of window and gave a holler. "Hey Kirbeh! Up here you oversized gumball!"

Kirby peered around at the sound of his name, but he couldn't decipher where the voice was coming from. Surprisingly, he still didn't notice the giant sandcastle nearby, and soon resumed his castle building by flipping over another bucket.

"Sire, if you want the rival king to notice you, then perhaps you should do more than just show off the castle?" suggested Shovel Knight.

"Really?" asked Dedede. "Like how?"

"Well surely a noble king such as yourself would have other assets at your disposal like say… An army?"

Dedede put a hand to his chin.

"Hm… An army eh? I think I got just the right thing…"

He immediately ran to the other window that overlooked the castle's inner courtyard. After putting a hand to his mouth, he forcefully blew an ear-shattering whistle that echoed on for miles and miles. Shovel Knight had to cover his ears, but it was a wasted effort thanks to the helmet. Dedede began dancing around as bizarre music began to play from somewhere, and Shovel Knight was honestly pretty confused as to what the king was trying to accomplish.

"What is the meaning of this sire!?" he shouted over the music.

"I'm doin' just what you said!" replied Dedede. "I'm gettin' me an army!"

Just then, tons of Waddle Dees started raining down from the sky with parasols. There were so many of them that they almost blocked out the sun! One by one the little soldiers landed in the castle courtyard, all in square formation and giving salutes. As the last of the music ended, Dedede finally put his feet on the ground. What resulted after this yielded Dedede's trusted Waddle Dee army from Dreamland. The soldiers all pulled out their spears and stood at attention, awaiting their dopey king's next orders.

"Impressive," said Shovel Knight, overlooking the army down below. "I didn't expect anything less from a powerful king such as yourself!"

"Yeah yeah, I know, I'm amazing," replied Dedede obnoxiously. "Hey! You's Waddle Dees! Don't just stand there! Get on the wall and start doin' your job!"

The Waddle Dees immediately broke out into a frenzy and began to scramble to their assigned positions in a panic. After a few minutes, they finally got to their posts, most of them climbing up on the patrol wall to keep an eye out for any trespassers, while some of them stood in pairs before the corridors.

Dedede and Shovel Knight ran to the other window to yell at Kirby again, who apparently noticed the music as he was wobbling about in a clumsy fashion.

"If this doesn't get his attention, I don't know what will," said Dedede before leaning over the side yet again. "Hey Kirbeh! Why don't you look over here!? I gots me a Waddle Dee army ready to kick your butt!"

Kirby continued dancing about obliviously. He almost stopped to look at Dedede's castle before noticing a baby sea turtle shove its way out from under the sand nearby. The turtle was soon followed by dozens of its brothers and sisters, who all surfaced from underground. The pack of baby sea turtles then began to make a break for the ocean, while Kirby sat down and watched them curiously.

Dedede could feel his blood boiling with anger at the thought of those turtles being more interesting than his army and castle. Shovel Knight remained by his side trying to figure out a new plan to get King Captain Fuzzbag's attention.

"Hmm… I think I know what's going on here," said Shovel Knight to himself.

"What?" asked Dedede.

"Yes, that has to be it. There's no other explanation. No king in the right mind would ever turn down a chance to gaze upon our bounteous fortune."

"What are you sayin'?" asked Dedede. "You know what I'm missin'?"

"It's not about what you're missing," replied Shovel Knight, "but what he has. It appears, sire, that we have underestimated this King Captain Fuzzbag. He is a crafty lord—I will give him that—feigning innocence with that childlike look of his and pretending to ignore our presence. He almost took me for a fool."

"Will you spit it out already!?" cried Dedede in annoyance.

"The only reason why King Captain Fuzzbag hasn't noticed our castle is not because he chooses to do so, but because he has no reason to," explained Shovel Knight, lifting up a finger. "The rival king must have a castle at least ten times bigger and fancier than ours, but has hidden it somewhere on the beach. That is why he doesn't care about our castle, because he knows that it doesn't stand a chance against his. The same could be said about our army. His decision to turn a blind eye only proves that this King Captain Fuzzbag has both a castle and an army at his disposal that is larger and better than ours."

Dedede almost couldn't comprehend what Shovel Knight was saying because every time he said "King Captain Fuzzbag," it made him want to break out into a fit of laughter. After thinking about it for a few seconds, however, it kind of made sense. Why else would Kirby choose to ignore his castle unless he had one that was a million times better than it? The dinky little pile of sand he had been playing with this whole time may have very well just been a distraction to make them think that it was his real entry into the contest!

It was a long shot, but King Dedede of all people knew the most never to underestimate Kirby. He may not have been smart, intimidating, cunning, or strategic, but he sure as heck knew how to beat Dedede every time they fought.

But now it was time to change all that.

"Why that son of a Gordo…" muttered Dedede between gritted teeth. "He's been tryin' to fool us this whole time!" Shovel Knight nodded. "I bet he already has a castle and an army rarin' to go for this contest and is just wasting his time until the judging round begins! That's why he hasn't looked at our castle! He's probably laughing to himself right now with that smug smirk on his face thinking that he outsmarted the old Dedede. But no! I've seen through his plans! This competition is as good as mine, and that Kirby ain't got nothin' that can top me!"

Kirby continued to play in the sand innocently, still not bothering to look at Dedede and his magnificent castle.

"Evidently, sire," said Shovel Knight, "if this Kirby has a castle and an army better than yours, then he is sure to win the contest without putting in much effort. I suggest that we focus on delivering something that not even he could supply in order to better our chances."

Shovel Knight's suggestion was good, but Dedede really wasn't sure what he was referring to. Thinking about it, King Dedede had everything that a good king needed already. He had a castle, he had an army, and he had money (for the most part). What more was there to ask for?

"I'm all ears," replied Dedede, scratching the back of his head. "You got any ideas?"

"Well, taking a look at the other king, I can say that he is certainly too young to have any children of his own," said Shovel Knight, taking another look out the window.

Dedede shuddered at the thought of Kirby having babies. Having one Kirby around was bad enough, and he couldn't imagine having to put up with two, or three… or even ten for that matter.

"What's your point?" asked Dedede.

"Are you married, sire?" asked Shovel Knight. "Or do you have a son, or a daughter? Having another member of royalty on the castle grounds could definitely boost our chances. If you could recruit us a prince or a princess, then that would be preferred since younger members of the royal family always tend to bring more attention than their parents."

"Hey, you callin' me old?" said Dedede with a frown.

"A-Absolutely not milord!" replied Shovel Knight, putting his hands up in defense. "But if you are a king then surely you must have a wife?"

Dedede looked at the ground, kind of ashamed to answer the knight's question. Not many people knew it, but Dedede was a loner. In fact, he wasn't even a real king! He just so happened to move to Dreamland one day and make his own castle. He then harassed the good people of Cappy Town to believing that he was a legitimate king, and did so over the course of so many years that it got nailed into their heads. On the other hand, Shovel Knight believed that King Dedede was an honest to goodness bonafide king of royalty. He couldn't just tell him the truth now, especially when considering how far he's come.

Still, the fact that he was a king and did not have any family members to call his own was pretty suspicious. It seemed that the only way out of this was to do what King Dedede did best: Lying through his teeth.

"Oh, ugh… I don't have a wife," said Dedede with a sheepish smile. He racked his brains for any Smasher who could act as a substitute. It took him a few seconds before he actually recalled a particular character who fit the bill perfectly. "Uh… Oh! But I do have a daughter." He spat that last sentence out rather fast.

"Ah, a princess then?" asked Shovel Knight. "Princess Dedede?"

"Ugh, no actually…" replied Dedede, trying to make his lie sound like less of a lie. "Her name's ugh… Lucina. Princess Lucina. She's further down the beach with some of our, uh… Commoner associates."

"Princess Lucina…" Shovel Knight put a hand to his chin, trying to decipher the origin of the name. "Peculiar name for a daughter, but I suppose it will have to do. I suppose you could have named her something much worse like 'Hashtag' or 'Yolo.'"

"Um… What?"

"Very well sire!" exclaimed Shovel Knight, lifting his shovel and holding it up tall. "I shall track down this Princess Lucina for you and bring her back to the castle! Only at that point can we say he have a kingdom superior to that of rival King Captain Fuzzbag! You said she was somewhere on Banana Beach delivering punishments onto commoners? I will see to it that she makes a safe and swift return home!" Dedede put his hand up in objection, wanting to take back what he said at the thought of the other Smashers finding out, but the next thing he knew, Shovel Knight had leapt from the window and onto the sand a dozen stories below.

"Hey, wait a second!" cried Dedede. "Maybe this isn't such a good idea!"

Shovel Knight couldn't really hear him, however, and merely gave a salute. He then jogged past Kirby's tiny sand towers, giving him a death glare as he passed before dashing off down the beach. Kirby, as always, didn't notice the strange man in the blue armor.

Up in the tower, Dedede fell against the wall and slunk down onto the sand floor. He was beginning to think that he may have gone a bit too far over his head, caught up in the excitement of the contest. After thinking about it for a few seconds, he probably didn't have anything to worry about. There was a good chance that Lucina would decline seeing as how this was all solely for King Dedede's benefit. Shovel Knight was a nice enough soldier that he would certainly accept no for an answer, especially from a young lady as honorable and polite as Lucina.

Unfortunately, Shovel Knight was a man who always fulfilled the wishes of his king, even if it meant he had to use force.


	7. Grabbing Some Grub

Banana Babe Beach Blast

* * *

Chapter 7: Grabbing Some Grub

* * *

"Hi. Can we get uh, nine cheeseburgers, six hotdogs, five tubs of poutine, five Caesar salads, uh… two club sandwiches, a dozen sodas, and… Anything else fellas?"

"Ice cream!" replied Toon Link excitedly.

"I'd like some spaghetti if they have that," said Mario, skimming over the menu on the countertop. "Or perhaps some linguini, or a panzerotti, or some other stereotypical Italian dish."

Doc Louis took an aggressive chomp out of his chocolate bar before turning back to the hooded man behind the counter.

"You get that sir?" he asked.

The strange man in the trench coat continued to sway back and forth like he didn't have a care in the world. He had apparently been standing here taking food orders from the Smashers for about ten minutes now before falling asleep. He began snoring, muttering things with his low and raspy voice, but ultimately failing at his job as a vendor.

Mario, Doc, and Toon Link had previously wandered back to the mainland in search of a snack bar. Oddly enough, the only place on the beach that seemed even remotely close to what they were looking for was this isolated dinky shack. They were still on the beach, but most of the crowds were far off in the distance, meaning that they had to trek pretty far in order to find this place. Thankfully, Mario's nose never lied, and he could smell food cooking from miles away.

The man behind the counter continued to sleep soundly and didn't end up waking up until Doc snapped his fingers in front of his face.

"Hm?! Who?! Wuzzat!?" The man glanced around, crouching down slightly in surprise. His red and lifeless eyes eventually found the guests at his humble bar. "Oh. Afternoon, strangah." His voice was unusually raspy, almost like he had been smoking something a few seconds ago. "What're ya buyin'?"

He opened up his blue trench coat, revealing an assortment of firearms from handguns to rifles to rocket launchers. It was puzzling to the Smashers how the man could carry so many weapons on his person at once, and even more creepy how the guy's face was mostly covered by a rugged scarf.

"Uh…" replied Doc, kind of weirded out by the man's greeting. "Yeah, we'd like to order some food."

The man closed his coat and stood up tall, but he really wasn't even that tall to begin with. He was about average height and seemed to be somewhere in the middle-aged range, although it was possible that he could have been older.

"Well in that case…" said the man, leaning an elbow on the countertop. "What're ya buyin'?"

"I just said," replied Doc, trying to recall the monstrous order from before, "ugh… Ooh boy, I don't think I can remember what I said."

"Hamburgers, hotdogs, salads, and ice cream," said Mario. "Oh, and throw in a fresh plate of spaghetti if you have that."

"Sorry strangah, but we're all out of hotdogs," replied the merchant. "Sold the last two to a couple of fine gents this morning."

"But you still have ice cream right?" asked Toon Link. He was eager to get his hands on something sweet, cold and refreshing. Bonus points if they just so happened to serve waffle cones as well.

"Eh… Lemme check." The man closed his eyes for a few seconds before staring at the Smashers. "Nope sorry, just ran out of those too. You folks should have come in earlier."

"What?" said Mario in confusion. "You didn't even check!"

"I did too," replied the merchant. "Oi, don't be tellin' me how to run my shop! I've been serving customers at this beach for over seven years now and not once have I had any complaints."

"Well let me be the first then," said Doc straightforwardly. "How can you be out of hotdogs and ice cream? Those are two of the most common beach snacks in… well, beach history!"

"It's not just those I'm afraid," replied the stout man. "We also just ran out of hamburgers. Oh, and also any kinds of pasta, pastries, and French cuisines."

The Smashers stared at the man dumbfounded, wondering if the guy was either really high or just an idiot.

Either that, or he was the best troll in all of existence.

"Fine, let me rephrase that," said Doc. "Is there anything that you _do_ have?"

"Lemme check the menu," replied the merchant, turning around and glancing up at the signs above his head. "Uh huh. Hmm. Yep! Says here we got burgers, hotdogs, ice-"

"You just said you were all out!" shouted Mario in frustration.

"Well of course I'm all out," said the merchant calmly. "You think this kind of grub grows on trees?" He tilted his head down, but his eerie eyes still remain fixed on his customers. "Listen. All of the food here is made especially for the patrons of Banana Beach. That means if you want to order a hamburger, you can't just say 'hamburger.' You have to say you want to order a 'banana burger.' Likewise, if you want to order a hotdog, you gotta ask for a 'banana dog.' That's true for every food item you see on the menu."

The Smashers had puzzled looks on their faces as they peered up at the different choices on the menu. The menu was populated with different images of foods similar to the ones they were looking for, however, there wasn't any description about the snacks besides a price. Heck, they couldn't even find the word "banana" listed anywhere!

"You could have told us that sooner you know," said Mario flatly. "And besides, what difference does it make if we call them hamburgers or banana burgers? They mean the same thing!"

"Hey, don't look at me strangah," replied the hooded man, glancing at his jagged fingernails. "I don't make the rules, I just enforce 'em. But tell ya what: To make up for this misunderstanding, I'll throw in some banana cookies free of charge!" He reached behind the counter and pulled out a little bag of small banana-shaped cookies. Oddly enough, the cookies appeared to be just regular Chinese fortune cookies spray-painted yellow.

"Fine, whatever," said Doc, shaking his head. He was getting pretty sick and tired of this man's act, and was debating taking his crew to some other snack joint even if it meant trekking through more miles of uninteresting sand. The only thing keeping him back at this point was really just his stomach, which was howling for something not chocolate-flavored like a banana-cream pie or banana-nut bread. "Give us half a dozen banana burgers and banana dogs, five banana salads, some banana poutines, and…" He glanced down at Toon, whose catlike eyes stared up at him with anticipation. "…One banana ice cream cone."

"Gotcha, strangah," replied the man, writing everything down on his notepad. "Will that be for here or to go?"

"To go…" said Doc, noticing that there weren't any tables or chairs anywhere nearby. "You boys okay with this?"

"He said he didn't have spaghetti right?" asked Mario.

"We don't I'm afraid," replied the merchant.

"But you have banana spaghetti?" asked Doc.

"That we do! Would you like to order one?"

Doc sighed. "Yes, just one."

The creepy merchant man finished off scribbling whatever it was he was writing down onto his page before closing it. Toon Link could have sworn the man was just drawing pictures of women in banana suits the whole time.

"Gimme fifteen minutes," said the man. "Feel free to take a seat." He gestured to the wide open beach area behind the Smashers.

"Um… Sit where?" asked Mario.

"Just… on the sand there. Or under that palm tree if you prefer. Or down by the water if you feel like you need to cool off."

"That's okay. We'll just stay here," replied Doc.

"Suit yourself, strangah."

With that, the merchant disappeared behind a door and began revving up those fryers in the back room. He put on some tunes, and the sound of pots and pans clanking with each other could also soon be heard. The trio of friends remained standing there listening to the commotion going on in the back for a few seconds.

"I hope we made the right choice," said Mario all of a sudden. "I don't think I can fully trust this guy."

"He's pretty strange," replied Doc. "Let's just hope he doesn't mess up our order. So help me if he comes out and tells us he's all out of something else, I'm demanding a refund."

"At least these cookies are pretty good," said Toon Link, reaching into the cookie bag and pulling out another. Neither Doc nor Mario realized that he had been munching on the cookies this whole time.

"What do they taste like?" asked Mario.

"Bananas," said Toon Link, shrugging his shoulders.

The three friends continued talking about the snack bar and its questionable employee, wondering if the man working on the food was indeed the owner of the establishment. From the way he spoke, it sounded as if he was working for one of the higher-ups who owned Banana Beach Resort. It made sense to give each food item a cute buzzword, but the fact that the word "banana" was prefixed on every snack kind of ruined the novelty.

Doc Louis made sure to leave a suggestion in the comment box on the counter, not realizing that the box contained a miniature paper shredder.

"Maybe we should have brought one of the girls with us," said Mario, still peeved about the frustrating conversation from before. "He might not have given us a hard time."

"Are you kidding?" replied Doc. "Toon Link here is the most lovable Smasher of all. If his looks couldn't break a fellow, I don't know what will." The good coach gave a hearty chuckle at the end of that, recalling the time at the start of the tournament when Palutena had kidnapped Toon Link in an attempt to turn him into her own personal stuffed animal to cuddle with every night.

"Eheh…" muttered Toon, the bag of cookies still in his hand. "Uh, awkward…"

"Palutena could have just brainwashed him or something," said Mario, glancing up at the sound of a fire extinguisher going off in the kitchen. "She can do that right?"

"Only to stupid people as far as I know," replied Doc nonchalantly. "Maybe we _should_ have taken her along with us."

"Jigglypuff could just sing him to sleep," said Toon. "That would make it free food for us!"

Mario shook his head. "Toon, you should know better than that. We may beat each other senseless on a regular basis, but we are not thieves."

"Yeah, I guess you're right…" His mind went back to that confrontation on the beach with that strange pirate who went by the name of 'Captain Jack Sparrow.' Technically, the banana boat that was sitting back at the camp with the other Smashers was stolen from Jack. Donkey Kong simply couldn't accept a loss, and was more than eager enough to slam the pirate into the sand and run off with his prize. It didn't make Toon feel any better however seeing as how he lost the sword duel fair and square.

Well, if tripping counts as fair, but we all know that it doesn't. Right Sakurai?

"Why is the… rum… always gone…" came a weak and tired voice from behind.

The Smashers whirled around to see a man on the ground struggling to reach the bar. He was crawling on his hands and knees, but it looks more like he was pulling himself forward with the arms while the rest of his body remained limp. The man was covered in sand and dirt, and his braided beard barely had any color to it at all. He was dressed in a rugged white shirt with a red bandana over his head, but his skin was as dry as a desert.

"Holy moly!" shouted Doc, running over to help the man. Mario also dashed over to lift the stranger to his feet. "Sir, are you alright?"

"The rum… is…always gone…" muttered the man, his head hanging as if he was dead.

"Toon get us some water!" said Mario.

Toon Link hesitated, recognizing the dehydrated pirate instantly. Jack Sparrow must have been buried in that sand for quite some time before anyone realized he was down there. As reluctant as he was to help, he knew deep down inside that he had to do something. Toon Link promptly got onto his tiptoes and rang the bell on the counter.

"Hey merchant man!" he called. "We need some water!"

A series of crashing and explosions came from the backroom, followed by the merchant who burst from the kitchen and slammed the doors shut. His trench coat was charred with smoke, and he ended up standing there with his back against the door panting hard for quite some time. After a few seconds, he stood up straight and dusted himself off before casually strolling over to the counter.

By this time, Doc and Mario had already brought Jack up to the snack bar.

"Ah, a new customer!" exclaimed the merchant excitedly. "What can I interest you in?"

"Don't just stand there!" said Doc. "Can't you see the man needs water? He can't even stand up!"

Jack's head arched back while remnants of saliva drizzled down his cheek. The spit immediately hardened and crusted into something indescribable under the sun.

The merchant simply shrugged his shoulders.

"Sorry strangah, all out of water," he said plainly.

"Oh not this again!" cried Mario. "You can't be out of water! Every snack bar has-"

"Banana water," said Doc all of a sudden. "Get us some banana water."

"That I can do!" replied the man, reaching behind the counter and pulling out a banana-shaped cup of some ice-cold liquid. "That'll be 20 Smash Coins."

Doc swiped the cup from him and began pouring it into Jack's mouth while Mario held his head up. The merchant folded his arms and tapped his foot in irritation because they didn't pay him right away, but it was a well-known fact that water was pretty much free at any self-respecting vendor anyway.

Toon stood by awkwardly, praying that Jack wouldn't recognize him as the kid who ran off with the monkey and the boat. He was still dressed in his tan-colored shorts, however, so if Jack didn't see him as "Link," he would definitely recognize him as "that boy who looks naked if you squint your eyes a little."

Eventually, Captain Jack Sparrow came to, and he blinked a few times as he eyes adjusted to the day lights.

"Ugh… Where am I?" he said. He started coughing up sand while Doc and Mario patted him on the back.

"You're alright friend," replied Doc reassuringly. "Good thing you found us just in time!"

"This is Banana Beach," said Mario, letting Jack stand on his own. "What happened to you?"

Jack rubbed his head, closing his eyes as he tried to remember how he ended up in this predicament.

"I was lost at sea, but I stumbled upon a young lad and his monkey somewhere on this island," he said. "They swindled me, taking my ship and everything I owned while I was left to rot like a dead fish for the buzzards. If I ever get my hands on those two I'll…" He looked up, noticing that he was standing face to face with Toon Link. "YOU!"

Mario and Doc jumped back as Jack drew his sword, while Toon immediately unsheathed his weapons in response.

"Oi!" cried the merchant. "I don't want no roughhousin' at my bar!"

"You're a clever one Link, I'll give you that," said Jack. "But not clever enough. Let this day be remembered forever as the day where you _almost_ outsmarted Captain Jack Sparrow."

"Captain Jack Sparrow?" replied Mario. "Toon, is he?..."

"This is the pirate we were telling you about earlier," said Toon Link. "He tried to take DK away!"

"He did?" asked Doc, staring at the deranged pirate.

"I wasn't going to _steal_ him!" retorted Jack. "You lost him to me fair and square!"

"You did?" asked Mario, glancing at Toon Link.

"It wasn't fair at all!" replied Toon. "He cheated!"

Doc and Mario both look at Jack again.

"It's not my fault you're a clumsy fool!" cried Jack.

"Alright, alright, I can see where this is headin'," said the merchant all of a sudden, putting his arms up to halt the conflict. "Why don't we all just calm down and order ourselves a nice round of banana cream soda?" He pulled out a tray full of banana-shaped fizzy drinks with little umbrellas sticking out of them. His attempts were pretty useless however, since both Jack and Toon Link had sparks zapping between each other. It would take something a little more powerful that cream soda to fix this problem…

* * *

Ten minutes later…

* * *

"So let me get this straight…" said Mario, swallowing the last bit of banana waffle cone. "You challenged Toon Link to a duel where the winner would walk away with both Donkey Kong and your boat?"

"Ship," corrected Jack between licks of his ice cream. "It may look a little on the small side, but believe me when I say it is a ship."

"Right. So the problem you are having is figuring out who should have won the duel?"

"It's not a problem; I should have won."

"Only because you cheated!" cried Toon, his mouth and nose covered in ice cream. Doc handed him a napkin with which he wiped his face.

"You fell, and the rule was that the first man to fall would lose," said Jack plainly. "It's not my fault you can't control those stubby legs of yours."

"If I could just say something," said Doc, raising his cone to get everyone's attention. "It sounds to me like this is all just a misunderstanding. Look Jack, I-"

"Captain."

"Look Captain Jack, I don't think a little tussle on the beach is worth getting so worked up over. It's hot out, everyone is enjoying themselves, and that's what being on the beach is all about! I say that you two should apologize to each other and make up. We have your boat—ugh, I mean ship—down at our camp right now. We can all head down there later so you can pick it up. So what do you say? Let's put all of this behind us and start doin' what it is we all came here to do: To have fun!"

Mario applauded Doc Louis' proposal. It seemed that the ice cream really had cooled off everyone's heads just as the merchant said. Now both Jack and Toon were willing to go along with whatever compromise they could come up with, but of course they were both still hesitant to go through with it partly out of pride and partly out of embarrassment.

Jack gave another lick of his cone before giving Toon Link a look.

"You know what?" he said. "He's right. There is no reason for a famous pirate like Captain Jack Sparrow to spend so much time on such trivial affairs. I really only came here to take back my ship anyway since I realized that monkey is way too big for my liking. I've always preferred animals who can ride upon my shoulder."

Toon Link nodded his head.

"That's fine with me," he replied. "I was just worried you were going to try and fight me again." He nibbled on his cone, tilting his head down slightly. "You still cheated though."

"Oh, you wanna start this again?"

"Will you two just shut up and apologize!" shouted Doc.

"Alright, alright." Jack stood up, taking a humble bow. "Link, I am sorry for causing you so much trouble. All I ask is to have my ship back so that I can escape this island."

"I'm sorry too," replied Toon with a sigh. "We can get you your ship no problem. Oh, but this isn't an island."

"It's not?" Jack looked around, making sure that he was still standing on the beach. "But I can see the sea from here."

"That… doesn't mean it's an island," replied Mario. "We actually got here by bus."

"Huh, you don't say," muttered Jack. "Very well then!" He downed the last of his ice cream and stretched his arms. "Gentlemen, take me to your camp! I would like to depart sometime this afternoon if it is not too much trouble."

"We'd be more than happy to do that for you," said Doc, glad that the arguing had finally ceased. "Uh, but you're gonna have to wait a little while since our food is still cooking."

Another explosion and some gunfire could be heard coming from the kitchen in the snack bar. Soon enough, the merchant pushed open the doors with several trays stacked on top of each other, waddling up to the counter and placing them down.

"Okay, let's see here…" he said. "Banana burgers, banana dogs, banana salads, banana spaghetti, banana poutine… Is that everything?"

The Smashers went up to the counter, looking through the trays to verify everything they ordered was indeed there.

"Looks good," said Mario. "How much is it?"

"Well, according to this," replied the merchant, punching some numbers into a calculator, "and taking into consideration the damage done to my kitchen while the food was being prepared…"

"Wait what?"

"Your total comes to about… oh wait, gotta include that tax… Ah, here!"

He presented the number on the calculator, which turned out to be quite a large sum of money. As a matter of fact, there wasn't a space on the calculator that wasn't occupied by a digit!

"That's insane!" exclaimed Mario. "It says up there that burgers are only 4 Smash Coins each!"

"Um, that's actually 4 banana bills," replied the merchant. "When you convert it, that comes down to about 4000 Smash Coins a pop. Exchange rates these days, am I right?" The man gave a small chuckle at the end of that statement.

"That shouldn't matter anyways," said Doc with a frown. "Our vacation is already paid for!"

"Really? By who?"

"Our friend, Kirby. You know, little guy, pink skin, kind of looks like a piece of gum someone spat out." The merchant looked up at the sky, trying to figure out why that vague description sounded so familiar. It wasn't until Doc showed him some gum stuck to the bottom of his shoe that the merchant was able to recall who he was talking about.

"Oh _that_ Kirby!" said the merchant. "Okay, yeah, you guys are all set and paid for. All expenses for you and your group will get transferred to the account that you were registered under."

"Um… Out of curiosity," replied Mario. "What account is that?"

"Bah, I don't know." The merchant scratched his head. "Something to do with a king and three 'Dees' as far as I remember. I'll have to pull it up to get the details."

The Smashers hesitated, realizing the person who the merchant was referring to was someone they knew all too well. It seemed as though their vacation wasn't entirely free since _someone_ still had to pay the bills.

Oh well, it's not like it made any difference since King Dedede was rich… Right?

* * *

**Author's Note:** Cutting it off here since I'm not sure how to end it. This chapter was really just supposed to be a setup to get Jack Sparrow back into the story since I need him for something later on. Next chapter we're going to be back at the main part of the beach with most of the Smashers. If you're curious, the merchant in this chapter is actually yet another one of those random non-Nintendo characters. He's from Resident Evil 4, but he isn't a main character in the Resident Evil series by any means; he's kind of just _there_. He won't be playing a very big part in this story and was really only included because I couldn't come up with a character to run the snack bar. Anyway, thanks for reading and sorry for the late update!


	8. The Legend of Bananabeard the Pirate

Banana Babe Beach Blast

* * *

Chapter 8: The Legend of Bananabeard the Pirate

* * *

"So that's it then," said Robyn as she finished tying up the back of Lucina's swimsuit. "None of us are going to talk about that volleyball game ever again."

Her statement was received with a series of nods and dull grunts from the other members of the group, who had all been until a couple of minutes ago covering themselves with towels, blankets, and whatever other cloth-like material they could find. Captain Falcon took the liberty of burying himself five feet below the sand (which turned out to be a really bad idea in general for anybody who was nude) until Palutena remembered she had the power to make their clothes rematerialize like they had never been blown to smithereens in the first place. Putting clothes on (as well as taking them off oddly enough) just so happened to be one of her specialties being the all-powerful goddess that she was. Of course, nobody was pleased with the fact that it took her so long to remember such a critical fact, but she didn't care either way since the sight of everyone standing stark naked was still pretty funny to her regardless.

"You mortals are interesting beings," said Palutena as she observed her friends checking their outfits to make sure they were legitimate. "You all get so worked up over something as insignificant as a little bare skin!"

"For a goddess, you sure are clueless," replied Samus, who was standing behind Donkey Kong's massive girth in order to fit her top back in its place. The big ape was currently examining the replica tie that Palutena had spawned around his neck, completely oblivious to the conversation going on around him. "That's the last time I ever play volleyball with you and Falcon."

"Hey! Don't pull me into this!" cried Falcon as he continued to rub sand off his limbs. "If she didn't try to reflect the ball then none of this would have happened!"

"You still Falcon Punched Jigglypuff," retorted Samus, stepping out from behind DK. "I'm surprised she's still alive after that."

Little Mac, who was in the process of bandaging up Pit's wings after they inexplicably caught fire from the explosive finale of the game, looked around upon hearing the Pokémon's name.

"Speaking of which, where is Jigglypuff?" he asked.

The other Smashers glanced around the beach. No one had seen what became of Jigglypuff after she was met face first with Captain Falcon's signature move, and Arceus knows what could have happened to her after her unstable and flaming body collided with Palutena's Reflect Barrier. If it was anyone's guess, she could have simply popped due to the obscene amount of unnatural pressure, but more likely than not she probably just ended up getting launched somewhere farther down the beach.

"Maybe one of us should go look for her," said Shulk, who was sitting on the sand with his skin-tight trunks. For some reason, his clothes were the only ones that didn't get singed off from the explosion.

"Nah, forget it," responded Wario, standing nearby and picking his nose. "That cheeseball is more trouble than she's worth. Besides, I'm freaking starving. Where's the food at?"

As if on cue, Doc Louis, Mario, Toon Link, and Captain Jack Sparrow came waltzing over to the camp with trays of snacks in their hands. They awkwardly maneuvered around the giant sand crater, stepping lightly so not to get sand on whatever was left of the beach towels and toys, and approached the awaiting group.

"Mama-mia, what in the world did you guys do while we were gone?" asked Mario, his eyes glancing from the charred sand to the giant hole in the ground.

Falcon and Palutena immediately pointed fingers at each other, to which Robyn and Samus both sighed.

"Uh… You missed it!" blurted Wario all of a sudden. "A giant Blooper came out of the ocean and tried to kill us!"

Doc raised an eyebrow suspiciously.

"Really?" he asked.

"Ugh, yeah!" said Robyn, doing everything in her power to not allude to the fact that a massive explosion caused by two cataclysmic forces completely burned everyone's clothes off, resulting in a mass panic, as well a field day for Lady Palutena. "You should have seen the size of this thing. It was like, twenty feet—no, more like fifty feet high!" She stretched her arms out in an attempt to describe the sheer size of this fictitious creature.

For those who don't know, a Blooper is a common enemy native to Mario's world. They are more or less squids (and certainly not kids), bearing two large eyes, numerous tentacles, and are infamous for their speed and ability to squirt ink at anyone who makes them mad. Anyone who's played Mario Kart would know what these things are capable of (not to mention how much rage they can induce on the go-kart tracks).

"I don't recall seeing a Blooper," said Lucina with a stern look, trying to remember exactly where she was when this supposed beast attacked. "How did-"

She was immediately cut off when Captain Falcon grabbed her from behind, putting a hand over her mouth.

"It was so fierce that Lucina got traumatized by it," exclaimed Falcon. "Just look at how much she's shivering!" He inconspicuously began jabbing his fingers into her side where she then proceeded to squirm about in an attempt to get away.

"Yeah, and poor little Pit was knocked unconscious from the attack!" cried Palutena dramatically.

Pit, who was still lying on the ground with bandaged wings, raised his head up in confusion.

"What? But Lady Palutena, I'm perfectly-"

Palutena quickly ran over and smashed him in the head with the bottom of her heel, knocking him out cold instantly. Little Mac winced upon seeing how hard of a blow he took, but continued doing his job thankful that Palutena wasn't his goddess.

"As you can see, everything has been taken care of," said Shulk, standing up. "And it's all thanks to the power… Of the Monado!"

He pulled out his sword and activated it, making a dramatic pose under the brilliant light of the afternoon sun. Somewhere in the distance, someone was playing the Xenoblade Chronicles victory theme from Super Smash Bros. on a radio.

"Um…" said Mario awkwardly. "Okay, then. Well, I'm glad that everyone is alright." He paused momentarily before he realized they were still missing someone. "Hey, wait a second! Where's Jigglypuff?"

"Oh, she got eaten by the Blooper," said Wario casually. "We tried to save her but, oh well, it's not like she'll be missed anyway." Everyone in the group frowned at him, to which he was honestly surprised at. "What?"

"It sounds like you lot had quite the adventure," commented Jack, who was still standing by with a tray of food in his hands. "It reminds me of the time several years ago when I had a quarrel with a certain fishman. Oh yes, those were the good old days my friends, a time when life was either gut or be gutted. A time when romance and tragedy were but a glimmer of what they are presently known as today. My heart yearns for the sea, but my passion—and that is a _great_ passion—as a pirate is truly what keeps me going, even in the bleakest of storms."

His mini speech earned a round of glances from the Smash Bros. crew, most of which didn't even know who this guy was. It took a little longer than it should have for Toon Link to finally speak up and say, "Uh, everyone. This is Captain Jack Sparrow."

Soon enough, the food was divvied out to all of the Smashers, although some was left over because they hadn't accounted for Jigglypuff's disappearance. Jack Sparrow ended up taking her share of the banana burgers, but realistically nobody minded that at all; they were just happy to finally have some food in their hands.

After pulling up a few chairs and umbrellas, the Smashers were finally ready to sink their teeth into their glorious meals.

"Smells good, coach," said Little Mac, holding up a steaming banana burger. Doc Louis immediately swiped the sandwich away before Mac could so much as take a bite.

"Not so fast son!" replied Doc. "You're still undergoin' your training!" He handed him a banana salad instead. "Eat this; it'll keep you from cramping up later." He then proceeded to eat Little Mac's burger, to which the boxer could only stare and weep on the inside.

"What's in this stuff?" asked Shulk, examining his hotdog and box of fries. "It tastes like bananas."

"Hey, he's right!" said Wario, holding up his snack to reveal a completely yellow patty. "This burger is just a banana smushed into a bun!"

The other Smashers looked at their food and sure enough, they all came to the same conclusion. The banana burgers, banana dogs, banana salads, et cetera all turned out to be cheap knockoffs of what they were realistically supposed to be. The meat was just grilled banana, the salad was just banana leaves chopped up and mixed with more banana, and even Mario's spaghetti was nothing but bananas mixed with canned tomato sauce ("Just-a the way mama used to make!" as Luigi would say).

"I think we made a mistake…" said Mario in dismay.

"That fool done fooled us!" cried Doc. "He never said anything about bananas being inside of the snacks!"

"Wow, that's so lame…" muttered Wario, tossing his sandwich over his shoulder into the awaiting arms of Donkey Kong. Unlike the others, DK was more than happy to chow down on some more banana food.

"Where did you three go anyway?" asked Lucina. She was content with her salad and didn't really see the problem with there being so many bananas in the food. She figured it was just part of the novelty considering they were at Banana Beach.

"It was some snack bar we passed by on our way here," replied Doc. "And they had the strangest man working there…"

"Well, your monkey sure looks like he's enjoying it," said Jack, noticing Robyn handing DK her hotdog. Donkey Kong wolfed down the snack in an instant, but noticed Jack talking about him, which more or less turned his otherwise happy smile upside-down. DK turned a cold shoulder at Jack, making his way back to his banana boat and checking on his supplies. "Still sour from earlier, eh monkey?"

"I'm sorry," interjected Robyn. "Do you two know each other?"

"Ah yes! How rude of me." Jack stood up, receiving the young ladies hand in his grimy one. "I really should have introduced myself before getting too comfortable with your hospitality." He stepped in front of the group, showing off his sword and his big hat. "My name is Captain Jack Sparrow. I am the pirate captain of a magnificent vessel, and I have been marooned on this island due to some… um, shall we say unforeseen circumstances. I have already met your dear Link, who was kind enough to offer me my ship back after your monkey stole it from me."

He gestured to DK who looked up when he heard him talking about him. The big ape resumed his task of putting bananas in the banana boat, pretending like he wasn't paying attention.

"Wait a second," said Robyn. "You mean that weird-looking boat is yours?"

"It's not a boat, it's a ship," corrected Jack, lifting up a finger. "And as unorthodox as it may seem, I owe my life to the Steel Slipper because without her I'd probably be swimming with the fishes in Davy Jones' Locker." He gave another glance at DK. "Now if you would be so kind as to give it back?..."

Donkey Kong noticed the pirate make a move towards him, which was more than enough to make him put his monstrous arms over the boat like he was protecting an innocent child. He continued to glare at Jack in an attempt to intimidate him.

"Sorry Jack," giggled Palutena as she munched on a banana dog. "But it's gonna take more than that to get Donkey Kong away from his bananas."

"Well surely brute force alone would be the fool's way of solving this problem," replied Jack, analyzing the ape's large physique. "Tell me, who is the owner of this monkey?"

"Pfft, owner," laughed Shulk. "What, do you think he's our pet or something?"

"In a manner of speaking, yes," said Jack, a somewhat confused look on his face. "Where I come from, monkeys make great companions. They're loyal, friendly, and they help get the ticks out of your beard." He pulled a small bug out of his locks, earning a disgusted look from Samus.

"If it's one thing Donkey Kong loves, it's bananas," replied Toon with a smile. "You couldn't make him give those up for anything."

"Is that so?" said Jack. His question was pronounced more like a statement, and some characters such as Robyn and Doc could already see the wheels turning in his head. "That's unfortunate. I was about to offer up something _much_ more valuable than a bunch of bananas…"

Donkey Kong looked at him curiously, but Jack turned away slyly, pulling a banana apple out of his pocket and fiddling with it (don't ask). The other Smashers who were still working on finishing their lunches observed attentively.

"Oh boy, _this_ ought to be good," muttered Falcon, nudging Wario in the arm.

DK made some grunting noises, egging Jack on to continue what he was saying, but the suave pirate played it off brilliantly.

"Bah, you don't want to hear any of this nonsense," said Jack, rolling his eyes. "It's just a boring story they tell children anyway."

"What story?" asked Toon Link curiously.

Jack whirled around on his heels, facing the Smashers with dark wide eyes and a loose grin.

"The legend of Bananabeard the pirate," he stated mystically.

Donkey Kong leaned forward at the sound of the pirate's name, and he had to admit that even he was curious as to how Bananabeard earned that title. Lucina, Robyn, Mario, and Little Mac all exchanged curious glances with each other, but remained silent as they continued eating.

"Bananabeard the pirate…" whispered Toon Link in awe.

"Legend says," continued Jack, "that Bananabeard was a fierce and ruthless pirate who ruled upon these waters with a fruity fist, and an unrelenting sweet tooth for all things tropical. He was feared by both man and ape alike, bearing a banana for a hand, as well as a crew composed entirely of flesh-eating gorillas."

"Oooh," commented Palutena in between bites. She was indeed enjoying this story almost as much as Toon Link was.

"In the mid-16th century, Bananabeard singlehandedly took out a royal outpost with nothing but a monkey wrench and his banana cannon. He was notorious for humiliating his enemies in the most dishonorable of ways. He soon became one of the wealthiest pirates in the region, as well as the oldest because all the fruit he ate kept the scurvy away. Why, in more recent historical findings…"

Jack kept on spewing random facts about Bananabeard the pirate, and oddly enough, he had everybody enraptured by his tales. The funny thing was that he wasn't lying at all and was only telling them all this in an attempt to get DK to give him his ship back. Even Captain Falcon and Wario, who were both suspiciously unenthusiastic about this whole thing, ate every last word up like it was a strawberry-banana sundae. Out of everyone, Samus remained to be the only one who wasn't impressed at all, and couldn't believe how moronic this whole pirate story sounded.

Among the fantasy tales of bananas and monkeys, Lucina found herself slipping with her food and dropping some banana dressing on her chest. She was sitting off to the side in her chair the whole time, so no one noticed at all. Thankfully, she had a napkin on her to wipe up the mess, but she didn't realize that while she was cleaning herself up, someone had crawled under her seat and lifted it up. She was soon carried away by some unknown force, obliviously trying to get the tomato stains off her skin and swimsuit. Little did she know that the mysterious figure who was kidnapping her just so happened to be a short knight hired by King Dedede…

Eventually, Jack came to the conclusion of his glorious tale with a description of how Captain Bananabeard was killed.

"It was a dangerously dark night at sea for Bananbeard and his pirate crew," said Jack ominously. "The torches had all gone out, and they were miles away from the nearest coastline." He put his arms in front of his face. "Suddenly, their ship was hit by a massive force, but that was not caused by any wave, no sir!" The Smashers were all sitting on the edges of their seats, Wario even biting his fingernails in anticipation, and Captain Falcon biting Pit's fingernails in suspense.

"What was it!?" cried Toon Link.

"A creature so sinister, so horrifying, so unmistakably powerful that it sank Bananbeard's vessel and the forty apes who sailed upon it!" replied Jack dramatically.

His back was facing the water, so Captain Jack didn't even notice that something had emerged from the murky depths of the ocean. A mound of seaweed rose from the shallow waters, although the seaweed had somehow sprouted legs and was shuffling onto the mainland. Small grunting sounds could be heard coming from the creature as it trekked lightly across the burning sand. The Smashers stared in disbelief, but no one tried to stop it when the hideous monster came up behind Jack and tapped him on the shoulder.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Sorry for the late update again! Also, thanks for the reviews everyone; I really appreciate it. In response to the anonymous guest (as well as anyone else who was wondering the same thing), Shantae from the Shantae series will not be appearing in this story. As much as I'd love to include her, I'm afraid I don't know much about her series, so if anything her inclusion would either be very brief or a simple butchering of the character. The next chapter will continue where this one left off, and with any luck, we'll also find out what happened to Lucina. Thanks for reading and see you next time!


	9. A Tale of Treasure and a Princess

Banana Babe Beach Blast

* * *

Chapter 9: A Tale of Treasure and a Princess

* * *

Jack let out a squeal and leaped forward, tripping onto the sand and making a mess of his beard. The creature that had snuck up behind him threw off its cloak of seaweed, revealing itself to be none other than a certain Water-type Pokémon who had inadvertently abandoned the Smashers when they first arrived on the beach.

"Greninja!" said everyone in surprise.

"Gre, Greninj," replied Greninja. He rubbed the back of his head in apology.

Greninja brushed past Jack (who at this point had his head buried in the sand) and approached his friends. He had a mysterious and beautiful ruby jewel hanging around his neck on a golden chain, earning several looks from his fellow Smashers.

"Nice of you to show up!" said Falcon, almost in a sarcastic tone. "We almost forgot you were still in this story!"

Greninja shrugged his shoulders. He was never one for hanging out with his friends, let alone when they were on vacation. He much preferred going off on his own adventures, and the beach gave him the perfect opportunity to do just that mainly because of the water factor. Needless to say he wasn't at all fazed by Captain Falcon's remark, and didn't care one way or the other if his friends missed him or not.

"We were just getting to the best part of Jack's story!" moaned Toon Link.

"Captain. Captain," came Jack's muffled voice, his head still buried in the sand. "Why is that so hard to remember?"

"Hey Greninja, you hungry?" asked Shulk, offering him a banana dog. "We just had lunch."

"Forget lunch!" shouted Wario, shoving past the Homs boy with his eyes locked on Greninja's new pendant. "Where did you get that necklace!?"

If it was one thing Wario liked more than women and food, it was money, and holy mother of Arceus was that gem on Greninja's neck huge! The ruby gemstone gleamed under the shining sun, creating a brilliant light that was nearly blinding at the right angle.

Wario was practically salivating at the lips with his grubby paws waiting to pounce.

"Greninja, Greninj," explained the Pokémon.

"Mario, translate?" asked Robyn. Unfortunately, she as well as the other newcomers like Palutena and Shulk were not as familiar with the Pokémon lingo. Robyn even tried consulting a book some time ago back at the mansion, but the entire text had been written with mysterious characters called "Unown" (by Lucario's definition). It seemed that the newcomers would have to learn the language the old fashion way, which normally implied listening to Jigglypuff or Pikachu going on long rants about why Pokémon and humans should never be treated as equals.

"He says he found it in an old sunken ship on the bottom of the ocean," replied Mario, wiping spaghetti sauce off his face with a towel.

"You mean…" muttered Wario. "You mean like buried treasure?"

"Not just any buried treasure!" exclaimed Jack. Everyone glanced at him to see that he was now standing up perfectly straight without a single grain of sand in his clothes or hair. He casually waltzed around to Greninja's front side and began examining the jewel. "This necklace is bonafide property of none other than Captain Bananabeard himself!"

His astounding discovery earned a series of gasps from the Smashers, especially the likes of Toon Link and Wario who were both eating up every word. Samus as always remained skeptical of the whole thing, but even Robyn was starting to believe that proposal was a bit too farfetched.

"Oh really?" asked Robyn. "How can you tell?"

"It's quite simple really," replied Jack, holding up the ruby. "The gem is engraved with Bananabeard's insignia."

Upon closer examination, the group could see a skull and crossbones etched into the jewel. Err, only instead of bones, there were two bananas crossing each other at the center.

"Wow, real pirate treasure!" said Toon Link. "That's amazing!"

"Hold on a minute," interjected Samus all of a sudden. "You mean to tell me that Bananabeard was a real person?"

"As real as the hairs on my back are, lass," replied Jack with a grin. "I'm impressed that your little frog friend here was able to find such a thing though. Bananabeard's ship is somewhere sitting in the deepest, darkest corners of the seven seas. Why, you'd practically have to have your own set of gills in order to make it down there without any light."

"Gre," said Greninja, shrugging his shoulders. Apparently Jack wasn't aware about the magical creatures known as Pokémon and merely presumed that Greninja was just some freakishly oversized frog. Although funny enough, he wasn't too far off about that assumption.

"Well what the heck are we waiting for!?" cried Wario. "Let's go out there and find the rest of the treasure!"

"Whoa-ho! Not so fast there!" said Doc, grabbing Wario by the waistband of his shorts. "You should know better than to go swimming after eating so soon!"

"That treasure ain't gonna find itself! You expect me to wait around here another hour while that poor treasure just sits on the bottom of the ocean!?"

"He has a point," said Palutena, strutting up to the watery shoreline and looking out into the distance. "We should make the most of our time while we're here today." She turned around and gave a mischievous grin. "Unless you're all up for another game of volleyball?"

Her friends all kind of either shook their heads or avoided eye contact with the playful goddess. Samus just gave her a flat and unimpressed stare, and Pit certainly would have done the same had he not been knocked out cold still.

"Well, I'm up for a little treasure hunt," exclaimed Jack as he rubbed his hands together. "So… when do we leave?"

"You can go find the treasure if you want," replied Doc. "There ain't no way any of us are going though, especially not after we just ate."

"What's with this fellow?" asked Jack to no one in particular. "Why's he so?..."

"He's my coach," replied Little Mac, raising a hand. "He always puts health and safety before anything else."

"That's right, Mac," chimed Doc with a nod. "Mr. Sparrow, you're looking at a handful of the world's strongest, deadliest, and most graceful fighters. These men are trained-"

"Ahem!" coughed Robyn.

"Sorry. These men and _women_ are trained-"

"Greninja…" muttered Greninja.

Doc sighed. "These men, women, and _Pokémon_ are trained-"

"Um, hello?" said Shulk, waving a hand.

"Men, women, Pokémon, and Homs-"

DK let out a grunt of disapproval.

"Men, women, Pokémon, Homs, AND apes-"

"And?..." said Palutena with her hands on her hips.

Doc shook his head in annoyance and stopped before taking a deep breath. "Mr. Sparrow, these men, women…" His eyes circled around, but no one so much as raised a finger at him. "…Pokemon. Homs. Apes. AND esteemed goddesses of light are-"

'Atchoo!" blurted Falcon. A stray fuzz ball had accidentally whizzed by his nose.

"That's it!" shouted Doc. "I'm too dang old for this!"

The good coach unceremoniously crossed his arms and sat down in a chair before pulling a chocolate bar out of his pocket and munched on it unenthusiastically. He didn't care that it was almost completed melted either as he continued to stare onward towards the ocean, or pretty much anywhere that wasn't in the eyes of another Smasher.

An awkward silence befell the group before Jack finally spoke up.

"Um… So is that a yes then?" he asked.

"You bet it is!" replied Wario, waltzing up to the man and shaking his hand. "I'm Wario, but you can call me Captain Wario." He pointed a short thumb at himself. "I'm gonna be leading this treasure hunting party!"

"Haha, very funny," said Jack. "I'm not sure if you were aware or not _Wario_, but I for one happen to be a legitimate and universally feared pirate captain. Therefore I think it would make more sense for you to call _me_ 'Captain' instead of mocking the title like you just did."

"What!? That's a load of crap! I've never even heard of you! And I'm sure no one else here has either!"

"Anyone?" asked Jack, looking around.

The other Smashers all replied with "uh-huhs" and firm nods, while Captain Falcon muttered something along the lines of, "Now that I look at you, you kind of remind me of my aunt." Little did Wario know that the Smashers were merely agreeing with Jack solely based on the fact that they didn't want him becoming a captain of any sort. The last time Wario took the position of captain, well, let's just say that it took them a whole afternoon to get Luigi out of the basketball net back at the mansion.

"See?" said Jack. "Not to mention, I have a hat." He gestured to the grand pirate hat on his head. "Sorry lad, but the odds are against you." He gave a cheeky grin. "However, you're more than welcome to join my crew!"

"Grr…" Wario had his fists clenched, but eventually he let it slide. At the end of the day, he just wanted to get his hands on that treasure, and captain or no captain, he knew that there was no way in hell he was going to find that booty without some help. "Fine. But he has to come with us as well."

Wario pointed a stubby finger at Greninja, who up until this point had been purring from Shulk's constant petting of his head. Wario grimaced before picking up a stray seashell and chucking it at the Pokémon, pegging him in the head and almost knocking him over.

"Greninja? Greninja!?" cried Greninja, looking around for who had hit him.

"You and me chump!" said Wario. "We're going on a treasure hunt."

"Greninj…" replied the Water Pokémon, crossing his webbed arms and sticking his head up high. Apparently, he wasn't very fond of the way Wario treated him.

"What did he say?" asked Shulk.

Palutena immediately pounced on Shulk, putting a hand to his chin and arching him up so that their lips were practically touching.

"He said he wants to see you and me get down and dirty right here in the sand…" she said seductively. Shulk just gave a blank look, but thankfully he was saved by Samus who grabbed Palutena from behind and started dragging her away.

"I think she's been sitting in the sun too long…" said Samus, putting Palutena under a beach umbrella and placing her sunhat on her head. Palutena fell asleep in a near instant, but didn't hesitate to grab a hold of Samus and wrap her arms around her on the ground.

"And that's why you need to stay hydrated," mumbled Doc, his arms still crossed in irritation. "But does anyone ever listen to ol' Doc Louis? Nooooooo."

"Um, if it's okay Captain Jack," said Toon Link all of a sudden. "I'd like to come with you on the treasure hunt."

Jack turned to face him, but his grin had been replaced with a dark and stern look.

"Are you sure about that lad?" he said. "This isn't just a mere game of hide and seek you know. Oh right, you never got to hear the rest of my dramatic tale…"

"You mean the part about the monster that sank the ship right?" asked Mario.

"Monster?" replied Jack. "Who said anything about a monster?"

"I'm pretty sure you were alluding to that before Greninja cut you off," said Robyn.

"Okay fine, so there is a monster." Jack chuckled. "But don't let it discourage you! This is a creature that roamed the seas centuries ago. It may have killed Bananabeard and his crew, but I doubt that thing is still around. After all…" He raised his head up high. "As pirates, we must always be prepared for the worst! We never let our guard down and above all else, we stop at nothing to obtain the things we want!" He approached Toon Link with a serious stare. "Now young lad, this quest may be the most dangerous one you have ever embarked on. You may all be some of the strongest men, women, Po-key-mons, monkeys, homes, and uh…" He glanced at Palutena, who had her arms firmly wrapped around Samus' waist. The poor bounty huntress continued to wriggle and squirm helplessly. "…love-struck maidens, but the truth is that everyone has an inner pirate somewhere within. You just need to take the time to search for it is all." He took a generous bow. "Master Link, I would be more than happy if you could accompany me on this journey. Both your sword and seafaring wit would definitely come in handy. Now, are you absolutely sure you want to come along?"

Toon Link hesitated for a moment, pondering whether or not this was a good idea. He was going off with a stranger after all, but it's not like he couldn't hold his own. And besides, if Wario and Greninja were going, surely that was more than enough to help him fend off any monsters they'll encounter?

"I'm sure," said Toon Link with a nod. "I want to find the treasure just as much as you do." Admittedly, a part of him wanted to go mainly because of the whole adventure thing. It beat sitting around the beach and doing nothing, that's for sure! "So count me in Captain!" He stood tall and gave a salute.

"Excellent!" replied Jack happily. "Is there anyone else who would like to join us?"

Donkey Kong sheepishly raised a giant hand from behind his banana boat. At this point, he had gone out of his way to remove his bananas and put them back in his bags. If he was going to go off on a treasure hunt at sea, the first thing he was going to need was a boat after all.

"Ah yes, monkey," said Jack. "I almost forgot about you. What say you to this quest? If we find the treasure, I'd be more than happy to let you keep that boat, but we're going to need it if we have any hope of going out to sea."

"Just give it to him DK," said Wario. "It's not like you were going to do anything with it!"

DK shrugged his shoulders before hobbling over to Jack and giving him a firm handshake. And by handshake, he practically ended up crushing the poor pirate's hand in his own fist.

"Anyone else?" asked Jack again.

"Pit probably wants to go," said Mario, glancing over at the sleeping angel. "Hey Palutena, can you wake Pit up?"

Palutena was still passed out on the ground, but Samus at this point had given up trying to escape. She just laid there on her elbow while rapping her fingers across the sand unimpressed.

"You kids have fun," said Falcon, taking a seat under another umbrella and turning over. "I'm gonna catch some Z's until you guys get back."

"Yeah, let us know how it goes," chimed Little Mac.

"So it's settled then!" Jack clapped his hands together. "And it looks like we have our crew! Myself, Link, Wario, Frog, and Monkey!" He gestured to his new companions, although both Greninja and Donkey Kong weren't very amused with the way he was referring to them. "Cast us off Mr. Wario, we got ourselves a treasure to find!"

Wario and DK immediately took a hold of the boat and began dragging it to the water, while Jack took out his telescope and peered out into the distance. Robyn noticed that he was holding his telescope backwards, which was pretty odd considering Jack was a self-proclaimed professional pirate.

"Hey… Wait a second," said Robyn, looking around at her friends. "Where did Lucina go?"

* * *

Meanwhile, farther down the beach….

* * *

Beneath the rays of the beating sun, Lucina stirred awake as she felt her chair bumping up and down across the sand. She blinked a few times, noticing the shoreline going by on her right side, but there wasn't a single person in sight as far as the eye could see. It took her a few moments to realize that someone was moving her, but in reality she had no idea where she was going.

"What the…" She peered over the edge of her seat to see a short man in blue medieval armor staring back at her. The stout knight continued pressing onward, carrying the young lady above his head like Super Mario Bros. 2.

"Ah, you're awake!" exclaimed Shovel Knight with glee, although not once did he falter in his step. "Greetings princess! Did you have a nice nap?"

"Who are you?" she asked straightforwardly. "And where are you taking me?"

"My goodness, how could I forget my manners! My name is Shovel Knight, and I have been ordered by your father to escort you back to his castle here on the beach!"

Lucina sat up, furrowing her eyebrows in confusion. She peered over the edge once again to get a good look at her captor.

"My father?" she asked. "How do you know my father?"

"Why, your father is the one who hired me of course!" replied Shovel Knight honestly. "He is very kind, and he told me all about you! He was so worried because he hadn't seen you in a long time!"

Lucina was genuinely confused. As far as she knew, her father Chrom was stationed somewhere in Ylisse, which was her home continent in some far off universe created by a god known as Intelligent Systems (peculiar name for a god though). Chrom was indeed a king, but he was off serving his own people at home just as every rightful king should be doing. Was there a chance that he could have come to Banana Beach for a vacation as well? Now wouldn't that be an unusual coincidence!

"That's odd…" said Lucina aloud. "My father never mentioned anything about you when I last spoke with him."

"I just met him today," replied Shovel Knight. "You really should visit your father more often though, Princess. He appears to be a very lonely man at times."

It was kind of odd hearing that from the knight since Chrom was very popular among the locals back in Ylisstol. Perhaps he was vacationing here all by himself?

"Very well, ugh, Sir Shovel Knight was it?" she asked.

"Yes, milady?"

"You may take me to see my father." She paused momentarily. "Um, but did you make sure to let my friends know where I was going?"

"O-Oh, absolutely!" replied Shovel Knight, although of course he didn't even attempt anything of the sort. For all he knew, those strange-looking people who were sitting with Lucina were nothing but a bunch of commoners. "I told them you were in good hands and that you would return when you were ready."

"Ah, good." She sat up in her seat eagerly awaiting the sight of her beloved father again. Shovel Knight continued to trek on, making his way to the far side of the beach where the sandcastle building contest was taking place.

Eventually, the two stumbled upon civilization, but it wasn't anything like Lucina expected. For starters, she and Shovel Knight ended up passing by Kirby and Jigglypuff, who were both playing in the sand and building a castle. Kirby noticed them passing by and gave them a wave, earning a queer look from Lucina and a grimace from Shovel Knight.

"Hey, isn't that… Kirby?" said Lucina, waving at him awkwardly as she passed by.

"It is indeed so I'm afraid…" replied Shovel Knight. "King Captain Fuzzbag's tyrannical power only grows stronger with each passing hour. And look! He has somehow managed to create a clone of himself! Shield your eyes Princess! I cannot allow you to fall victim to his malevolent sorcery!"

Of course, by "clone" he was referring to Jigglypuff. Fortunately after the volleyball game, Jigglypuff had been picked up by the wind and carried all the way to this side of the beach. She decided to join Kirby on his sandcastle adventures seeing as how she really hadn't seen him all day to begin with.

"We're almost there, Princess," said Shovel Knight. "Behold."

Lucina looked ahead in shock to see the towering monster of a sandcastle that they were approaching. The design was simply regal, and it was plain to see that a master craftsman had taken up the responsibility of creating the blueprints and architecture for it. As they passed over the drawbridge, she was one hundred percent sure that Chrom sat on the other side of those giant sandy doors. Her enthusiasm was dampened immensely however, when she noticed that all of the Ylissean guards had somehow been replaced with Waddle Dees.

"What on earth…"

The drawbridge went up behind them and Shovel Knight placed Lucina down in the courtyard where strings of Waddle Dees armed with spears stood around. If Lucina had ever paid a visit to Dreamland, she would have noticed that this castle bore a striking resemblance to that of a certain Smasher's own castle.

A Waddle Doo stepped in front of the grand doors, lifting a small sword into the air.

"Presenting his royal majesty… King Dedede!" it exclaimed.

Loud trumpets blurted as the large doors opened, revealing King Dedede in not his regal robe, but the gaudy swimsuit that he had changed into when he first arrived at the beach. He gave Lucina a sheepish smile as she continued to stare with a mixed look of disgust and confusion.

"King… Dedede?" she said perplexed.

"Eheheh…" mumbled Dedede as he approached her. "Welcome… home honey?" He opened up his wide arms, praying that Lucina would at least humor him, but she backed away and reached for her sword… only to realize that she had mistakenly left it back at the camp.

"What is the meaning of this?" she said seriously. "Where is my father?"

"Lucy," said Dedede through gritted teeth. "I _am_ your father." He gestured to Shovel Knight with his eyes, but Lucina didn't realize he was putting on an act. "Now come here and give daddy a hug."

Lucina continued to back off, her eyes glancing around at the various guards that Dedede had stationed all over the walls and courtyard. Shovel Knight was legitimately confused, but he didn't dare interfere thinking that Lucina had been away from Dedede for so long that she didn't even recognize him. Realistically, Lucina knew very well what King Dedede was capable of being the villain that he was, and as such, she didn't lower her guard for a second. For all she knew, she had mistakenly stepped right into a trap!

"You're not my father," she said sternly. "I demand you open these gates at once!"

"Ahh… Heh," replied Dedede, passing nervous glances at Shovel Knight. "Um, Lucy, let's not be rude to our guest now you hear?" He continued approaching her until her back was up against the raised drawbridge.

"Open these gates," she snarled. "I want to leave."

"Listen, Lucina." He lowered himself closer to her. "There's something that you and I need to discuss…" He looked up, noticing all the various eyes on him and the Ylissean princess. "Uh… in private. I promise I won't hurt you or rob you or take your clothes off or whatever. Just… come with me… Please?"

He batted his sorry eyes a few times and gave a cheeky smile in an attempt to win her heart over, but really he just looked like an idiot. On the other hand, Lucina knew that fighting him and his army of minions was out the question, especially if she didn't have her sword on her. It turned out she was going to have to leave it up to trust, and hopefully Dedede wasn't lying all those times when he said he really wasn't a bad guy. Hesitantly, Lucina took a step forward with him, allowing the clumsy king to guide her into his domain. Two Waddle Dees opened the grand doors to the castle, granting them entrance to its dim interior, before shutting the doors securely behind them.

As Shovel Knight watched them go inside, he couldn't help but shed a tear of joy.

"A father and daughter reunited at long last," he said to himself. "Shovel Knight, today you have done a great deed."

Inside the castle, King Dedede and Lucina eventually found themselves standing inside the throne room. This hall was simply massive, bearing numerous torches along its sandy walls, and monstrous pillars that rose several stories high. At the far end sat Dedede's elegant throne, which had a giant butt mark smack-dab in the middle of it from when he first tried it out for size.

Despite how great this castle was, Lucina wasn't at all impressed that Dedede hired a knight to track her down and lie to her that her father (whom she loved very much) was here waiting for her at the beach.

"Can I just… say something?" asked Dedede, a little distressed that Lucina had her eyes closed and turned away from him.

"You may," she replied, glancing over at one of the torches.

"Look, I'm sorry for all this." He sighed. "I really am. I got so caught up in this sandcastle building contest that I forget to tell Shovel Knight that you weren't really my daughter."

"Why would you say such a thing in the first place?" she asked seriously. "What do I have to do with any of this?" She gestured to their glorious surroundings.

"It was supposed to help win me some points with the judges," replied Dedede sheepishly. "Shovel Knight said that if I had a real princess, it could help sell the novelty behind the whole castle thing."

"Well a real king doesn't kidnap people," said Lucina in irritation.

"Hey, I said I was sorry…"

She looked at him, noticing his saddened face by all of this. As upset as she was, she had to sympathize for the penguin. The way he said it made it sound like this was just some misunderstanding anyway.

"That doesn't change the fact that you still lied to me about my real father," she said.

"Hey, that wasn't my idea at all," replied Dedede. "Shovel Knight's the one who kidnapped you, not me! I didn't even tell him where you were, he kind of just… found you."

"If you're legitimately sorry then I can forgive you," she said honestly.

"Oh I am! Believe me, I am."

"Good." She turned to face the exit. "Then if it's alright with you, I'd like to go back to the main beach area."

She took a step to leave, but Dedede stopped her when he fell on the floor and grabbed her bare ankle with his hands.

"Please don't go!" he whined. "I need you to help me win the contest!"

"I'm certain that you don't," replied Lucina flatly, trying to pry Dedede off of her limb. "You already have the biggest castle on the beach, and you have your own army as well!"

"B-But that there Kirbeh! He's the one I need to stomp!"

Lucina recalled seeing Kirby's castle on her way into Dedede's fortress. If that mound of sand he was playing with was Kirby's entry into the contest, there wasn't a chance in hell he was going to win when Dedede had all of _this_. Still, she knew Dedede and Kirby had quite the reputation for being enemies (friends on rare occasions, but she never saw any of that for herself) and coupled with the fact that Dedede liked to cheat, it seemed like Kirby was at a major disadvantage, or was at least prone to getting himself hurt.

"You've got to be kidding…" muttered Lucina.

"Please!" Dedede looked up at her, his eyes beginning to water. "Pretty please?..."

Lucina stared down at the poor king, her inner nice girl getting the best of her. Lucina shook her head with a heavy sigh.

"I can't believe I'm doing this…" she said. "Alright King Dedede, I'll stay."

"You will?" said Dedede in disbelief. "Thank you!" He began hugging her leg and kissing her feet, but she quickly pulled away before he could work his way up her body.

"On one condition!" She stuck a finger out in front of his face. "You are not to sabotage Kirby's chances at winning this contest. It's thanks to him that we're even here on vacation, so the least you can do is compete in the contest fair and square."

"Me? Sabotage?" replied Dedede, averting his gaze. "I wouldn't dream of doing anything of the sort to little Kirby!"

"You better not," she said. "Otherwise you're going to hear it from me and the others." She wiped the spit off her leg, allowing Dedede to pull himself to his feet.

"Oh, one more thing," said Dedede all of a sudden. "You gotta pretend to be my daughter a little bit longer, ugh, I mean at least until Shovel Knight leaves. If he finds out I've been lying to him, he might just take down my entire castle, and you have no idea how long it took for me to build this!"

Unbeknownst to Lucina, King Dedede's castle was actually built by Shovel Knight, and the job was also done in less than an hour, but this was besides the point.

"Fine, I'll play along," she said. "From now on I shall refer to you as 'Father'."

"That's it? Aw come on, why not 'Dad' or 'Daddy'? Oh! I know! How about 'Pops'?"

"Oh second thought… I'll just call you 'Your majesty'…"

* * *

**Author's Note:** Longest chapter so far? Longest chapter so far! I was pretty happy with how this one turned out, so do let me know your thoughts on this chapter. My favorite characters to write right now are definitely Palutena and Wario, but I feel like I might be giving Captain Jack a little too much attention. This is part of the reason why I'm going to have him split off from most of the cast so I can start focusing back on the Smash Bros. characters. Also, the more I write Jack, the more I feel like it would make more sense to replace him with Linebeck from the Zelda series, but too late for that! There ain't no brakes on this story train baby!

To answer the question of that one guest, Tiff and Tuff from the Kirby anime will not be appearing in this story. I want to try and keep things Smash-related here, so any other references to non-Smash characters will be very minor if that.

Thanks for reading everyone and I'll see you next time!


	10. Playing Daughter Dedede

Banana Babe Beach Blast

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**Author's Note:** Sorry for the stupidly long wait everyone! This summer has been hella-busy for me. I've fallen behind on both writing and reading, but thankfully I can fit in the time today to deliver the next chapter. To answer the questions of any reviewers:

A giant Blooper will likely appear in this story.

Morgan and Chrom from Fire Emblem will not be appearing in this story.

Palutena may or may not start changing everyone's gender. Props to the guest who brought that up because that's actually not a bad idea.

That's all I got for now, so here's chapter 10 and enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 10: Playing Daughter Dedede

* * *

"Let's just get this over with," said Lucina flatly, striding over to the throne room doors. She briskly pushed them open, her face met with the shining light of the afternoon sun. She was immediately bombarded with confetti, balloons, and the blasting of loud musical instruments.

"Welcome home princess!" exclaimed Shovel Knight.

Lucina open her eyes to see King Dedede's Waddle Dee army partying in the courtyard. They had the entire place decked out with party decorations, and even a giant banner with Lucina's stock profile photo from Super Smash Bros. hanging on the far wall. There were various colorful streamers strewn about, and even a snack table complete with cakes, puddings, and ice cream makers. Shovel Knight was standing tall in the middle of the plaza with a sombrero on his head (the horns of his helmet were protruding from it of course).

The surprised look on Lucina's face quickly turned into a frown when she noticed Dedede creep up next to her with a sheepish smile on his face.

"Hey don't look at me, I didn't put them up to this," he said with a shrug.

"I did, sire!" said Shovel Knight proudly. "I knew you wanted to cherish this moment with your beloved daughter!" The stout knight dashed to the Smashers' position and joined Dedede and a reluctant Lucina's hands together. "I hope that you two will forever remember this day as the day when you were reunited after being separated for over a decade!"

"Wait, a decade?" replied Lucina in confusion.

"Why yes." Shovel Knight raised a finger as if he were giving a lecture to someone. "His highness never outright told me how long you had been away from him, so I decided to make up a tragic backstory myself." He quickly turned around to face the crowd of Waddle Dees who had all gathered at the door. "Let me sing you the tale of about a generous king and a beautiful princess, once upon a time united and later torn apart by the darkness and corruption of our world!"

"I swear I have nothing to do with this," muttered Dedede, trying to save whatever little dignity he had left at this point. Lucina just shook her head at him, and she made it apparent that she didn't want him holding her hand so tightly, but alas, she was his daughter for the day. And to make things even worse, both she and Dedede were getting their very own personalized song, completely made up a mere five minutes ago by the one and only Shovel Knight:

"_Ohhhhh, old King Dee was a very merry soul!_"

"Oh gods, he really is singing," mumbled Lucina, covering her face with her free hand. She noticed that some of the Waddle Dees had come up with instruments, including a tuba, a trombone, a snare drum, an accordion, and a kazoo.

"_He had a lot of clothes and he had a lot of gold!_

_He was filthy stinkin' rich but he wasn't very mean!_

_In fact he was a penguin, so his face was blue—not green!_"

"Hey I like this," said Dedede, tapping his foot. "It's got a ring to it!"

"_You'd think he'd have a penguin girl,_

_But no! This girl was not a penguin girl!_

_She was just a girl and she had blue hair!_

_And that blue hair matched our king's derriere!_"

"He just rhymed 'girl' with 'girl,'" commented Lucina. Thankfully she didn't know any French, otherwise she may have raised an objection at that last lyric.

"_Lucina was his daughter's name_

_And if you forget then I'm to blame!_

_She likes bananas and she loves to dance!_

_Pink is the color of her underpants!_"

"Wait what?"

"_One day an evil man appeared_

_And stole Lucina from ol' Dee!_

_His name was King Captain Fuzzbag hah!_

_But everyone calls him Kirby!_"

A Waddle Dee waltzed up wearing a Kirby mask, while another one wearing a cheap knockoff of King Dedede's hat smacked him with a hammer. It was actually a pretty violent scene, and the poor Waddle Dee that got hit looked like he had suffered a few broken bones after getting horribly smashed into a wall.

"_Kirby stole Lucina away_

_And tortured her for ten long years!_

_She had no way of escaping,_

_She practically grew a beard!_"

"Okay, maybe this is gettin' a little weird…" muttered Dedede.

"_And who should be her valiant hero_

_But the one and only Shovel Knight!_

_Who saved poor Lucina from near death_

_And brought her back home to Dad!_"

Shovel Knight spun around and did a few more crazy dances before finishing off with a crescendo of brass instruments that nearly blew everyone's ear drums out. More confetti came flying out of nowhere, and even a random piñata in the shape of Meta Knight came floating by, but it inexplicably popped after a few Waddle Dees bashed it open with baseball bats. Candy rained down from the sky as Shovel Knight and his band posed dramatically, awaiting the wonderful applause from his royal audience.

King Dedede gave a small clap, but he quickly shut up with he realized Lucina didn't look amused in the slightest.

"That song makes no sense," she said.

"I admit, I had to change up a few words," replied Shovel Knight sheepishly. "I didn't exactly have that much time to come up with it, but I think it turned out fine. Right guys?"

The Waddle Dees in the area jumped up and down excitedly. Apparently they were huge fans of music, and lyrics didn't mean anything so long as it meant they could play their instruments.

"I thought it was good!" said Dedede, shuffling over to Shovel Knight and leaning down to whisper in his ear. "Is her underwear really pink?"

"Although I appreciate the gesture," continued Lucina, "I'm afraid your efforts were in vain. I have no recollection of ever being tortured by Kirby, or even being kidnapped for that matter!"

Shovel Knight let out a shocking gasp, putting his hands up to his face in sheer disbelief.

"Sire! I had no idea!" he exclaimed.

Dedede stared at the short knight in confusion. "Had no idea what?" he asked.

"That your daughter…" He approached her slowly, Lucina staring down at him awkwardly wondering what on earth was going on in the little man's head. "Your daughter… She has amnesia!"

"Um… What?" was all she could say.

"She can't remember anything!" Shovel Knight grabbed her hand and began stroking it softly. "Oh you poor, poor thing! What did that miscreant King Captain Fuzzbag do to you!?"

"He did nothing to me!" replied Lucina. "I mean, I was never kidnapped! You just said a minute ago that you made up that song all by yourself so how could any of that have been true?"

"It was kind of true," commented Dedede. "Tell me the part again about how I'm such a generous king."

"You're a generous king milord," said Shovel Knight quickly.

King Dedede let loose a series of giggles, happy to hear that there was someone who appreciated all of his, ugh… King Dededeness.

"But in all seriousness, sire," said the knight. "Lucina has seen much better days in the kingdom. Why, look at her, standing there in that bikini. It's so uncouth!"

Lucina looked down at her swimsuit—the one that she was forcefully stuffed into by Palutena.

"I'm on vacation," she said. "I should be allowed to dress however I like."

"That's not the point," replied Shovel Knight. "Princess Lucina, you have lost some of your memory. And I'll bet my shovel that it was that evil warlord who is responsible for it!" He clenched his fists with rage, thinking about how much he wanted to defeat Kirby and his sandcastle. "Sire! Rally the troops! Tonight we march into enemy territory and take King Captain Fuzzbag's head once and for all!"

"Whoa, whoa, slow down there," said Dedede nervously. "I mean, I want to beat that Kirby as much as you do, but I ain't cuttin' no heads off."

Shovel Knight stood there for a few moments before taking a deep breath and calming down. "As you wish milord." He took off his sombrero and handed it to another Waddle Dee who began parading around with it like he was the star of a lame sitcom. "I suppose I may have gotten ahead of myself. The important thing right now is that your daughter is safe, and that you have been reunited with her at long last."

His kind words earned a series of claps from the Waddle Dees, although Lucina cringed internally again at the thought of King Dedede really being her father.

"Um, so yeah, welcome home Lucina," said Dedede with a sheepish grin. He turned to the crowd of Waddle Dees, holding his arms out wide. "Hey! Don't let the party stop! We're at the beach for cryin' out loud!" At that, the music kicked up and the Waddle Dees got back to eating, drinking, and most importantly, forming a conga line. Shovel Knight immediately jumped in, who also pulled in King Dedede for good measure. "Come on!"

Lucina shook her head, feeling that she would be more comfortable on her own than partying with a bunch of Waddle Dees. She grabbed a handful of popcorn at a nearby table and made her way up the castle walls via the stairs. All the while she kept thinking about when this stupid contest would be over so she could finally leave this place. If she could put up with King Dedede and his antics for at least a few hours, surely that would be enough time for him to win his prize and be done with this sandcastle once and for all.

Some several meters away, Jigglypuff and Kirby were still working on their sandcastle. By now, Jigglypuff had already stacked a couple of towers on top of one another, and it now stood almost as tall as her. Kirby's side of the castle was still mostly wet sand for he kept getting distracted by various beach-life such as crabs, seagulls, and stray seaweed. Jigglypuff didn't mind working with him however, since this sandcastle was really just for fun.

Unbeknownst to King Dedede, Kirby hadn't actually entered the sandcastle building competition. He just really liked playing in the sand, so much so that he never bothered to check out the giant monster of a castle literally fifty paces away from him. Jigglypuff was content with telling him stories about what was going on at the other side of the beach, like when Little Mac had KO Punched Wario, or the crazy volleyball game Palutena had dragged them all into. Jigglypuff could talk and talk all day, but she never realized that Kirby didn't understand a word she said. He more or less just nodded his head, much like an obedient husband to an over-talkative wife.

As she laid down another bucket, Jigglypuff could hear the sound of music and voices coming from the nearby castle. Apparently they were throwing a huge party, which was more than enough to grab her attention. Almost hypnotically, the Balloon Pokémon dropped what she was doing and hobbled over to the luxurious location, hoping that the next song they pick would be something along the lines of karaoke. She looked back to see Kirby still playing in the sand, deciding that it would be safe to leave him alone, or at least for a few minutes.

It didn't take her any time at all to reach the castle, although she didn't realize how big it was until she was standing up close to it. The drawbridge stood almost as high as the building on the Tamodachi Life stage, and she had to squint her eyes a bit in order to see the top of the wall. In one valiant effort, Jigglypuff sucked up as much air as she could, and let out a tremendous howl to see if anyone on the other side could hear her.

"JIGGGLYYYY!"

"Hm? What was that?" said Lucina, popping the last piece of party popcorn into her mouth. She was standing on top of the wall surrounding the courtyard, the conga line below growing exponential in size as other random characters like Jake the Dog, Freddy Fazbear, and Zoboomafoo joined in on the festivities. She peered over the edge to the outer side of the castle, noticing the pink puffball standing down there and waving.

"Oh, greetings Jigglypuff," she said casually. "What brings you here?"

"Jig! Jig, Jiggly!" replied the Pokémon, which Lucina interpreted as something like, "Oi! I want in!" She wasn't very good with understanding Pokémon, but she could get the gist of most things they said.

"I can open the door for you if you like," said Lucina, making her way to the drawbridge controls, before another idea came to her head. "Or, wait a second!" She looked around to make sure no one was watching her. Thankfully, all of the Waddle Dees who were supposed to be patrolling this wall were on the ground level drinking and dancing their legs off. "Jigglypuff, you have to help me!"

"Jiggly?" Jigglypuff tilted her head to the side curiously.

"I'm being held captive against my will," she explained. "It's King Dedede and this Shovel Knight character. Go back to where we came in and get my sword for me." She paused momentarily. "On second thought, go find the others. And tell them to come here as soon as they can!"

She was kind of lying about the whole "being held against her will" thing since she agreed to stay if it meant helping Dedede win in the contest. But in actuality, she couldn't care less about what the mad penguin was doing. It's not like she could just jump ship either since, well, it really was a long way down…

"Jigglypuff! Jigglypuff!" exclaimed the Pokémon angrily. Apparently she didn't like the thought of not being able to go to the party, especially since Lucina herself didn't even want to be there.

"Just do this for me! Please!" Lucina put her hands together in desperation. "If you don't get me out of here, I'm afraid I'll lose my mind!"

"Hey Lucy! Where you at!? Get down here and show us how you can bend!"

It was Dedede, and by the gods did he sound drunk.

"Yes Lady Lucina!" exclaimed Shovel Knight. "Bend over for us!"

Uh-oh. That didn't sound good.

"Just get the others and get me the hell out of here now!" cried Lucina, before another call from her "father" forced her into backpedaling it back down the stairs. Jigglypuff saw her disappear, but crossed her stubby arms with a pout. She just wanted to sing for all of the people at the party…

When Lucina made it to the ground floor, she was immediately apprehended by two Waddle Dees on either side. They began leading her through the crowd in the courtyard.

"What is the meaning of this!?" she shouted. "Unhand me at once!"

The Waddle Dees shoved her into a clearing where she was met face to face with King Dedede. The king himself had a sickly grin on his face, and he licked his chops eagerly like a dog badly wanting a piece of that bone.

"What took you so long?" he said with narrowed eyes. "Didn't you hear us calling for you?"

"I did," she replied, holding her guard and ready to strike in case he tried anything funny. She was beginning to wonder if the whole father-daughter thing was just a ploy to cover his true intentions. "What do you want?"

"We wanted you to join in on the fun," said Dedede. "We just want to see… how low you can go…"

Lucina gulped, her mind flooded with horrifying possibilities on why King Dedede spoke in the tone that he so chose. It was almost scary to her, but very creepy all the same. It wasn't until Dedede stepped aside, revealing Shovel Knight doing limbo under a pole that had been placed horizontally in the clearing, that Lucina realized what the heck was going on here and gave a sigh.

"How low can you go, Princess?" said Shovel Knight, leaning back far as he crossed under the pole. Various Waddle Dees stood around cheering and playing their instruments as Shovel Knight made it all the way across, standing up and putting his arms up high into the air.

"We just wanted to playing some limbo is all!" said Dedede cheerfully, putting an arm around Lucina's shoulder. The creepy demeanor in which he spoke from before was long gone, and he appeared to be back to his old jovial self. "Why'd you run off like that?"

Lucina shuffled her feet in the sand, kind of unsure of how to respond. Perhaps she was wrong about King Dedede all along? He may have been evil, but to everyone else he was just a guy trying to have fun, and maybe crush a few Kirbys every now and then. If this whole thing really was just an act like he said, well, he was certainly doing a darn good job at it. She thought that maybe it was time for her to do the same, even if it meant just going along with everything.

But seriously, all she really wanted was to get the hell out of this stupid sandcastle.

"I just wanted to get some fresh air," she said in an attempt to make up an excuse. "It's not so hot up on the castle walls."

"Yeah, I feel ya," replied Dedede. "I wouldn't mind it if we had some actual beach umbrellas around here." He swiped a Parasol from a nearby Waddle Dee, but the umbrella itself was too small to cover his head. "But don't call it quits now. Let's do the limbo stick thing!"

He gently led Lucina into the clearing where the Waddle Dees were dancing and playing music. Shovel Knight was clapping along, taking a hold of the pole and moving it down another inch.

"Your turn sire!" he exclaimed.

"Don't mind if I do!"

Dedede arched his head back attempting to waddle underneath the limbo pole. Unfortunately, his beak got caught just as he was about to make it through, and he ended up falling flat on his back. That earned a round of laughter from the crowd, but he shut them all up in an instant with a deathly glare.

As Dedede tried to pull himself up, he found himself looking at the palm of Lucina's open hand.

"Try again?" she said.

Dedede paused before giving a cheeky smirk and pulling himself to his feet with her offer.

"You betcha! It takes more than that to stop the big Dee!" he grinned. He ran back around to try the limbo again, this time making it all the way through, with an equally impressive applause to boot.

"Wonderful sire!" said Shovel Knight. "If you can bend like that then we're sure to win the contest!"

"What does limbo have to do with the contest?" asked Lucina curiously.

"It's explicitly stated in fine print that in order to win the contest, all contestants must be in physically fit condition. They did this because they didn't want a bunch of old people winning all of that Spicy Curry."

"Well in that case…" replied Lucina, getting in front of the limbo pole and arching back ever so slightly. Due to the fact that she was naturally smaller than Dedede, she had no problem sneaking through, and stood tall on the other side triumphantly. "How was that?"

"Eh, not bad," said Dedede, "for a girl."

Lucina responded with a devilish smirk of her own, gesturing for the Waddle Dees to up the difficulty (which pretty much meant lowering the limbo stick).

"After you," said Lucina.

Dedede pulled up his shorts, letting out as much air as he could to thin out his belly. He swiftly slithered beneath the pole, reappearing on the other side and inhaling so much that he was inflated again.

"Kid stuff," he spat.

Now it was Lucina's turn again, and just like last time she was able to make her way beneath the pole and onto the other side with no problems. She even did a little twirl at the end to show off.

"I can go all day," she said.

Dedede's smirk soon melted into a competitive grimace, and he slammed his fists into each other as a sign of intimidation.

"Nobody beats me at limbo," he snarled. "Nobody."

So the pole was lowered and they went again, both Smashers going under and coming back up without breaking a sweat. They ended up challenging each other again, and again, and again, until it got to the point where the ground had actually sunk beneath the limbo pole because of all the limboing they were doing. Shovel Knight and a pack of Waddle Dees stood off to the side munching on some food while the band members continued playing, albeit at a much slower pace compared to when the party first began.

Eventually, Lucina and Dedede were literally running circles around each other, trying to get under the limbo pole faster than the other. At this point, the stakes weren't being raised any higher, and the limbo stick certainly wasn't going any lower. It just became a battle of endurance, both Smashers going at it without wanting to give up on a challenge that even the smallest of children could accomplish.

"Got you!" shouted Dedede.

"Nice try!" replied Lucina.

"Just give up already!"

"Not a chance!"

Before anyone knew it, the music had completely stopped. The Waddle Dees were all pooped out from the partying, and most of them were just lying around in a daze, or simply sleeping on the ground underneath the blazing sun. Shovel Knight had also fallen asleep in a pile of Parasols, and for some reason he had a lampshade stuck to one of the horns on his helmet.

Despite the deadness of the partygoers, King Dedede and Lucina still ran around the limbo pole like crazed dogs trying to chase a cat out of a tree. It wasn't long however, before King Dedede came to a stop, putting his hands on his knees and keeling over completely. His breaths were heavy and to say he was exhausted may have been a bit of an understatement.

"Okay… That's it…" he said between breaths… "You win…"

Lucina didn't even hear what he said however, for she was about as tuckered out as he was. She ended up tripping over him and falling on the ground right next to the tired king.

"Forget that…" she replied. "I quit…"

"Mommy, can I go to sleep now?"

Dedede rolled over and closed his eyes, but he didn't even notice that he had put an arm over Lucina, more or less pinning her down to the ground. With his large arm over her chest coupled with the fact that she was practically out of energy, she found herself without any choice but to lie there completely still. Thankfully, one of the Waddle Dees was kind enough to drag an umbrella over to them and block out the sun, which made things comfortable enough for them to drift into a nap.

For the first time since the Smashers arrived, the noise and craziness of Banana Beach had been silenced.

* * *

**Author's Note:** I wanted this chapter to be a mix of random jokes and Lucina and King Dedede bonding. Lucina in particular isn't really a character who has seen much attention until the past couple of chapters, so I kind of wanted to give her some more spotlight. I plan on doing this with a few other characters, as we may soon find out in the next chapter. Again, sorry for the long wait guys, but thanks so much if you have been following the story up until this point! This month is going to be pretty busy for me as I try to shell out a new story (among other things) so please bear with me if I can't keep the chapters coming out consistently. Thanks for reading!


	11. Smashing Pirates!

Banana Babe Beach Blast

* * *

**Author's Note:** This story is long overdue for an update so let's not waste any time.

* * *

Chapter 11: Smashing Pirates!

* * *

"Show me the way to go home… I'm tired and I wanna go to bed… I had a little drink about an hour ago and it's gone right to my-"

"For the love of garlic will you stop singing already!?"

Wario's sudden outburst almost made Jack fall out of the boat as he scrambled to sit in an upright position again. He had been previously leaning over the side drinking a bottle of rum nonchalantly humming a repetitive tune that only picked up with more and more speed each time it started over. There really was no excuse for him at this point since he had more or less spent the last fifteen minutes or so daydreaming while his crewmates took charge of directing their banana-shaped vessel.

On the boat's bow (which was no more than a few feet away from the stern where Jack sat), Toon Link lowered his telescope with a sigh.

"I can't believe you call yourself a captain," he said. "You're probably the laziest pirate I've ever met."

Donkey Kong, who was in the middle of the boat and doing all the rowing, nodded his head in agreement. He wasn't particularly fond of the fact that Jack had ordered them around when he himself had yet to pick up any slack of his own.

"Hey, you watch your mouth young laddie," retorted Jack with a hiccup. "I already told you that I've sailed these endless seas countless times before! You would be foolish to disobey an honest captain such as myself. Besides, if it weren't for my ship, we wouldn't even be out on this adventure in the first place!"

Wario wiped the side of his head with the rag he had been using on the deck. Since Toon Link was the navigator and DK was the ship's rower, Wario had inevitably been appointed as cabin boy, being forced to get on his hands and knees and scrub every last inch of this boat. To be fair, the boat wasn't that large to begin with, giving the crew just enough room to move around. Wario however, wasn't very excited about doing someone else's chores, especially when he never took the time to take care of his own things to begin with.

"If it's your ship, then why am I the one swabbing the poop deck!?" cried Wario.

"Because you my friend could use a good workout," replied Jack carelessly, although that only resulted in Wario tossing him overboard. Thankfully, Greninja was floating around in the nearby vicinity to gather the good captain and help him back in the banana boat.

"One more complaint out of you and you're walking the plank," said Jack flatly, although he didn't seem to care that he was drenched completely from head to toe.

Of course, his statement didn't even matter since it's not like there was a plank anywhere. They kind of had to leave that behind in order to fit Donkey Kong in the boat.

"Greninja, Gre," said Greninja from up ahead.

"Huh? What's he say?" asked Jack.

"He said we're almost there," replied Toon. "Keep rowing DK!"

Donkey Kong shrugged his shoulders and continued to row, much like the wheels on a locomotive. Although he didn't show it, he was probably the most excited member of the group because of all the treasure they could potentially find on this voyage. It wasn't that he was interested in gold or jewels, no, when dealing with a pirate who went by the name of "Bananabeard," there was one and only one possible explanation as to what must have been hiding deep at the bottom of this open sea.

"Hey!" snapped Jack. "Quit daydreaming monkey! We got ourselves a treasure to find!"

DK grumbled at Jack, but continued to do his job as best as he could. Thankfully he wasn't getting tired in the slightest, and he was really only doing this for Toon Link and Greninja.

The crew had been sailing for nearly half an hour when they left the coastline of Banana Beach. The only things they brought with them were the clothes on their backs and a toy shovel since that was the only thing they could fit given the small size of the boat. Jack had managed to smuggle a few bottles of rum onboard, but half of his stash was lost when DK had accidentally tipped the boat, sending most of the alcoholic contents tumbling into the sea. They then had to deal with a school of drunken Cheep Cheeps, which already had a tendency to fly like they were inebriated, so it only made fending them off that more painful. After that, they sailed mindlessly towards the open ocean, bypassing a few dolphins (including one who went by the name of "Ecco," but he didn't seem to talk much) and Sharpedos (which Greninja was fortunately able to take care of). And now, here they were, just a band of misfits awaiting their hard-earned bounty.

Hopefully they weren't being led on some kind of wild goose chase.

"Hey frog-face!" hollered Wario. "Are you sure this is the right way? Everything looks the same out here!"

Greninja, who was propelling himself across the surface at the bow of the boat, gave a muffled response due to the fact that his mouth was underwater.

"We're getting close," said Jack. "I can almost smell the bananas."

Donkey Kong and Toon Link took a big whiff of the salty sea air, surprised that Jack was actually on the right track for once. Instead of seagull poop or dead fish, the air was rich with the scent of ripe bananas, hinting that Bananabeard's sunken vessel must have been somewhere in the area.

"Smells good!" exclaimed Toon. "I think we made it!"

Greninja came to a stop, pushing back against the boat to slow it down. Donkey Kong put down his oars and began to stretch, while Wario got up to inspect the surrounding sea. He was immediately pushed over when Jack stood up, but the pirate captain didn't seem to notice as he looked out into the distance trying to pinpoint exactly how far they had come out from land.

"Well, I guess there's no turning back at this point," he said. "Alright lads! Let's drop anchor right here!"

Donkey Kong reached over, grabbing the metal anchor that was coincidentally shaped like a metal banana. He hoisted the large object over his head before tossing it over the side, where it then plunged into the darkened depths below. The anchor continued to sink, using up almost all of the rope and forcing Toon Link to attach another rope to the line in order to make up for it.

"Holy cow, that's a long way down," he said, peering over the side. The water was so murky that he couldn't even see his reflection, almost like he was looking into an abyss.

"Don't let it scare you," replied Jack. "We're just getting to the best part!"

Greninja rose to the water's surface, mentioning that this spot was indeed the exact location where he had discovered the sunken treasure from before.

"Well don't just sit there; go get the treasure!" demanded Wario. "Go on boy! Fetch!"

Greninja frowned at the fat man, blowing small bubbles in the water unenthusiastically. Apparently Wario wasn't aware of the fact that Pokémon preferred being addressed as equals and not mere pets.

"We're not going to let him go by himself," said Toon Link. "We're a pirate crew after all."

Of all the Smashers in the immediate vicinity, Toon was probably the only one who was even remotely excited about being a pirate. Granted, he had plenty of experience sailing numerous times on his own adventures in Hyrule, so this was kind of something everyone came to expect from him. There weren't a lot of things that Toon Link was interested in, but adventuring certainly was one of them.

"Be my guest then shrimp," replied Wario, gesturing to the water. "You take a plunge and let me know how it goes."

"That won't be necessary lads," said Jack, "for I've got just the solution to this little problem!" He immediately produced a pack of breathing apparatuses from seemingly out of nowhere. "With these devices, you'll be able to breathe underwater without any troubles at all!" He handed a mask to Toon Link, Wario, and Donkey Kong, who all examined the devices curiously.

"Well isn't this convenient…" muttered Wario.

"How do they work?" asked Toon.

"It's very simple," replied Jack. "You just put the mask on your face and it will convert all of the oxygen in the water to breathable air. We couldn't afford these back in my days as a wandering adventurer, but with the recent rise of social media and the internet, it has become a necessity for any sea-fairing pirate!"

Both Toon and Donkey Kong gave an awkward stare to the pirate, not really sure how he of all people would be aware of anything related to modern technology. Wario in the meantime was having trouble trying to fit it onto his face, and ended up cursing numerous times before he got the darned thing on right.

"It also comes with a flashlight," explained Jack. "So you shouldn't have any problem being able to see down there."

"Pretty cool," replied Toon Link, fitting the mask over his head. His mouth was covered by the breathing apparatus, but thankfully the goggles were designed so that any regular human being could talk through them normally. "How do I look?"

DK gave a large grin, putting the mask on his face as well. He stuck his head in the water to see how it worked, being greeted by a nearby Horsea and a full blast of ink to the face. Wario snickered as he watched the big ape wipe the stuff off with his tie.

"Greninj, ja, Greninja," said Greninja. He backed off from the boat, signaling to his crewmates that he was ready to dive down.

"How cold is the water?" asked Toon, putting his hand in to get a feel for the temperature. Due to the tropical nature of this area, the water wasn't that bad for swimming, but it was definitely at one of those temperatures that would require some time for the human body to adjust to.

"See for yourself!" replied Wario, shoving Toon Link in to the sea. "Whoa!" DK followed suit by cargo-lifting Wario above his head and chucking him several feet at a pile of sharp rocks near the surface.

"Brr, it's freezing!" cried Toon when he reached the surface. He was practically holding himself, his small body shivering like his bones were made of ice.

"Don't let it get to you lad," said Jack with a smirk. "The first few minutes are always the worst. Just don't take too long down there; it's not healthy for a man to lie in the sun for very long."

DK gave a questionable look at the pirate, as if to say, "Wait, you're not coming with us?"

"What's with that face?" asked Jack. "I had no intention of going down there with you. Someone has to stay back and guard the ship."

The other members of the crew looked around at nothing but endless ocean as far as the eye could see.

"There isn't anything else out here!" said Toon.

"Those were Bananbeards exact words before he and his crew were dragged to the bottom of Davy Jones' Locker." He gave Toon a dark glare. "And I'll be damned if that ever happens to me and my crew. We are not negotiating this; I'm staying, and you four are going to locate that treasure."

"Fine!" replied Wario. "More treasure for us then!"

"Hey! I'm still the captain of this ship!" shouted Jack.

"Finders keepers!"

Wario immediately dove underwater, not really caring at all whether or not anyone was going to follow him. Jack just shook his head.

"That fool," he muttered. "Ah well, I suppose you can't win 'em all. Better get after him boys." Jack sat down, facing away from DK and waving his hand. "Or our resident fat man shall be known as our resident dead man."

Greninja gave a salute before sinking into the water like a ninja in the shadows. Toon Link waved for DK to follow him as well, and the large ape certainly did, but not before accidentally splashing Jack Sparrow with a tidal wave caused by his cannon ball dive. Jack wrung out his hat in annoyance, but thought nothing of it when he tipped it over his eyes and began to snooze.

"Pfft, monster," he mumbled. "There hasn't been a monster sighting in these parts for hundreds of years. They'd sooner die from the cold than from whatever it was that killed Bananabeard…"

* * *

Deep below the water's surface, the Smashers continued to dive down, following the anchor's rope until they reached the end. It turned out that the anchor had latched on to some coral on a cliff, revealing an underwater trench that Greninja stated was the way to get to the sunken ship.

Unfortunately, Wario was nowhere to be found since he left so suddenly from the group. Thus, Toon Link, DK, and Greninja remained together, if only to ensure that their strength in numbers would outweigh any sea creature that dared tried to tangle with them.

"See him anywhere?" asked Toon. He turned his head to aim his flashlight all around, but he could only see a few feet in front of his face due to all the fog.

"Gre," replied Greninja flatly. Toon couldn't tell if the Pokémon wasn't impressed because he couldn't see very far either, or because he couldn't believe they were legitimately trying to find that troublemaker Wario.

The trio continued on their excursion, passing by some more water Pokémon and other dormant sea life along the way. Greninja had actually stopped to ask the locals if they had seen a chubby Italian man swimming around down here, but no one seemed to know anything about what they were talking about. Wario had somehow gone missing, and to be totally honest, Donkey Kong thought that he had ditched them just so he could pursue the treasure on his own. After all, greed was a dangerous emotion when put to the extreme.

DK let out a series of grunts, more or less interpreted as, "I say we leave him for dead and get that treasure by ourselves. If anyone asks, we'll just say he got eaten by a shark or something."

"Are you kidding?" replied Toon Link. "No one's gonna believe that. We'd have to tell them something like he tried to save us from monsters and the only way he could was to sacrifice himself."

Greninja and Donkey Kong both shook their heads, somewhat in disbelief at how innocent Toon Link could be sometimes. Really, if the Subspace Emissary taught the Smashers anything, it would be to never trust Wario. The only things he had a soft spot for were women, money, and food.

"Greninja, Greninj, Gre Gre, Greninja," said Greninja. In other words he meant to say, "I don't really care either way. I just want to find this treasure so we can go home and give it to Master Hand. We might be able to afford that Pokémon playground like he promised last month!"

The Smashers in the mansion were indeed spoiled, but that was mainly because they deserved it. As such, it wasn't unnatural for Master Hand to promise something to them if it meant it would keep the Smashers out of his hair, since he was normally a very busy hand anyway being the rich business owner that he was. He had actually promised the Smashers not only a Pokémon playground, but a giant trampoline, a personal waterpark, and a revamp of the long-abandoned Board the Platforms stages.

"That'd be nice," replied Toon Link. "Maybe I'll get that art studio like I asked for too!"

Donkey Kong really wasn't expecting any kind of money valuables to come out of this adventure. He just wanted to get his hands on those bananas. As he swam, he silently prayed that whatever treasure chest those bananas were contained in had a watertight seal on it.

Eventually, the group came upon Bananabeard's sunken vessel, and boy what a wreck it was. The ship had been completely snapped in half, the bow-end of it pointing upwards while the stern of the ship had somehow caved in on itself. The rotted wood was covered in seaweed and other underwater plant life, while schools of small fish swam in and around the vicinity making it look like the ship had become one with the surrounding coral. A giant wooden banana was fixed to the front of the bow, with the words, "Banana Wake" engraved on its side.

Toon Link was at a loss for words, barely able to contain the excitement building up inside him at finding a real life pirate ship. DK was equally as thrilled, more about the fact that the ship was legitimate and not a made-up story by Captain Jack Sparrow.

"Greninja," said Greninja, gesturing for his friends to follow him. He swam ahead, disappearing through one of the broken windows in the hull of the ship. Toon and DK both followed suit, but they didn't seem to notice the large shadow that had passed over them when they entered.

"Wow…" said Toon Link in awe. "This is awesome!"

The Smashers had entered one of the cabin rooms, although it was nothing but a flooded mess of bunk beds and barrels. Grasping onto the walls for support, they crept through the sunken ship's dark interior, visiting the galley and storage facility before coming out through the top of the ship and making their way towards the stern. They had to climb around some splintered wood and forests of kelp, completely forgetting about Wario at this point.

It wasn't long before they stumbled upon a long desolate hall, noticing a large door at the end that could only have been the captain's quarters.

"In here?" asked Toon Link, to which Greninja nodded. The door was already ajar thanks to Greninja's earlier visit. Silently, the group pressed into the room, but they didn't bother to close the door behind them.

DK grunted, pointing to the skeletal man sitting at the large desk on the other side of the room. It was Bananabeard, as hinted by the designs on his rugged cloak, and the banana-shaped hat that was still attached to his skull. For some reason, his wrist was chained to his desk, explaining why even after all these years he hadn't moved from this spot, even when the ship first sank. In front of the desk sat a mysterious and large treasure chest, which could only have been the treasure the Smashers had been searching for this whole time.

"Is that where you found the jewel?" asked Toon Link.

Greninja shook his head, gesturing to the floor where a few gold coins idly lay. Supposedly, Greninja had entered this room at some point previously, but he never bothered to check out the chest before.

Surely this was going to be the moment of truth for all of them.

Donkey Kong swam ahead and grabbed the chest. He didn't have a key so he tried slamming his fists in to the sides, but due to all the water, his attempts were turning out to be pretty useless. He turned to his comrades with a sad look on his face.

"Don't worry DK; Bananabeard probably has the key," said Toon, swimming over to the dead pirate behind the desk. He reached into the skeleton's coat pocket, doing his best to ignore the giant gaping eyes that were staring right at him. As luck would have it, the key was certainly inside of Bananbeard's jacket, but there was also something else attached to it. A small note floated up in the water, which Toon Link snatched with curiosity. He began to scan the note, reading its contents aloud.

"_Fifteen days_," he read. "_Fifteen days and we still can't get her off our tail. I should have known it the moment we took this chest from its resting place. The ship is sinking, and now I have only myself to blame_." Toon Link paused for a few seconds, gulping nervously as he realized that this note was no ordinary note.

It was a warning.

"_No one can escape the demon. The treasure is cursed_."

Suddenly, a large tentacle broke in through the nearby window, wrapping around Greninja's body like a snake. He didn't even have time to react before he was forcefully pulled out into the open water, pleading helplessly while DK froze in terror, his eyes as wide as Ping-Pong balls.

The monster that had dragged Bananabeard's ship to the bottom of the ocean all those years ago was still alive.

* * *

**Author's Note:** There's an important update pertaining to a certain story of mine on my profile right now, so be sure to check that out if you happen to be a follower of it. I hate to say that it's bad news, but I'm not going to talk about it here. For everyone else, thanks for reading and I hope to catch you next time. And sorry again for the slow updates this time around!


	12. Nothing Like a Game of Charades

Banana Babe Beach Blast

* * *

Chapter 12: Nothing Like a Game of Charades

* * *

As the rest of the afternoon wore on, the Smashers on the main beach area found themselves spread apart, although keeping themselves entertained by their own activities. While Little Mac and Doc Louis continued to train in this blistering heat (very bad idea), Captain Falcon, Mario, and Pit found solace in renting a rowboat to go fishing in. They were floating just off the coast of the shoreline, where the water went from incredibly shallow to stupidly deep depths.

Meanwhile, Robyn was chilling underneath an umbrella, checking off items on her "Things I Want to Do at the Beach" list, which so far only included swimming and beach volleyball. She still had yet to sunbathe (she really only wanted to for the novelty since her skin was naturally pale), waterski, and surf, although those latter two she didn't really know how to do and was hoping some hulking hunk of a lifeguard would teach her.

For those remaining, Shulk was content with having Palutena bury him in the sand. She was unmistakably good at it for some reason, burying him so deep that only his head was sticking up out of the ground and making him look like he belonged in a Shulk cabbage patch. Samus as always, chose to stay close by, but far enough away so that her midday nap wouldn't be interrupted by any of her loud-mouth friends.

"Well, this was fun!" said Shulk. "I never thought that being buried in the sand could be this relaxing."

Palutena pushed some more sand up on his shoulders, adding the finishing touches to her masterpiece. "At least you're wearing spandex," she replied. "Sand isn't fun when it gets in those… hard to reach places."

Shulk didn't seem to know what she was referring to, but continued to enjoying his experience five feet below ground level.

"Hey Little Mac!" called Shulk. "Look at this!"

Little Mac suddenly collapsed in front of the Monado boy, sweating and panting as if he had run a marathon halfway around the world.

"Awesome…" was all he could muster before becoming completely limp in this blazing heat.

"Come on, Mac," wheezed Doc, crawling up next to his trainee. "We got to practice if you wanna win that championship belt…"

"Aren't you supposed to be his coach?" asked Robyn from her spot under the umbrella. "You of all people should know it's suicide to do rapid exercises in 90-degree weather."

"Don't interfere with our training woman!" It wasn't long after he said that, however, before Doc Louis rolled over on his back, baking in the sun like a burnt marshmallow. With a sigh, Robyn grabbed some of the nearby umbrellas and planted them in the sand above the two exhausted companions.

"Did you want a picture Shulk?" asked Palutena, holding up her camera.

"Absolutely!" replied Shulk. "My friends at home will all get a good laugh out of this! Maybe I can make it into a postcard or something?"

Palutena held up the camera while Shulk put on a cheery smile. She had no choice but to get Little Mac's sizzling body in the shot as well, but she also took the liberty of catching Samus sleeping in the background, and everyone knows how adorable Samus looks when she sleeps. She turned around to grab a shot of Captain Falcon and his gang of misfits on the water, who all appeared to be arguing about something.

"You can't seriously tell me we're all out of bait!" moaned Mario in annoyance.

"We're not!" replied Falcon. "I got a whole bucket of banana peels right here!"

"That's not real bait!"

"The shoddy merchant who sold them to me said they worked on the fish around here!"

"That doesn't change the fact that we've been sitting out here for twenty minutes and we still haven't caught anything!"

"Whoa! Guys!" cried Pit, pulling back on his rod. "I think I got something!" Whatever fish had latched onto his hook seemed to be putting up quite the fight however, because it wasn't long before Pit had to stand up in order to get more leverage. "And it's a big one!"

"Hey, I did you guys a favor!" continued Falcon, not even paying attention to Pit's remark. "If it wasn't for me, we'd still be sitting on the beach doing diddly-squat like everyone else over there!" He looked over to see Robyn waving at them, to which he replied with a salute as if to show that he had everything under control.

"The banana peels don't even sink!" retorted Mario. "How do you expect us to catch anything?"

"Guys!" cried Pit again. "A little help here!"

The two Smashers quickly broke out of their spat, noticing Pit struggling in his predicament. Mario and Falcon immediately grabbed onto him, pulling back as hard as they could against the monstrous fish below.

"See? What'd I tell ya!?" cried Falcon with a heave. "I knew these banana peels would come in handy!"

"Mama-mia!" shouted Mario. "Pit, what did you catch!?"

"I don't know but we're going to find out!" Pit propped his leg up against the side of the boat, pulling back with all his might. "Hold on!"

"Hey look at that!" said Palutena, holding her camera steady to get a shot. "The boys actually caught something this time!"

"Give it one big pull on three!" cried Mario. "Ready? One-"

"Three!" shouted Falcon. With a final yank, the Smashers fell backwards onto the deck, the creature that they pulled from the water soaring up high into the sky due to the sheer amount of force that was behind it. Palutena got a picture of the moment the fish breeched the water, but as it flew up into the sky, the fish appeared to look less like a fish and more like a serpent of some kind. The shrill cry of a familiar Pokémon rang throughout the air, and everyone stared up in disbelief when they recognized who that voice belonged to.

"Jigglypuff!?" cried the Smashers.

Indeed, Pit, Mario, and Captain Falcon had reeled in Jigglypuff, although no one could really tell until the Balloon Pokémon floated gently down towards the main beachside. She was entangled in seaweed, which trailed behind her and gave the illusion that she had an exceedingly long tail.

"Well that was a rip off…" muttered Falcon flatly.

"Jigglypuff?" said Robyn as the Pokémon landed on the beach. "Where have you been?"

Jigglypuff began tearing the seaweed off of herself, her cheeks slightly puffed out partly due to embarrassment and partly because she was a little peeved.

"Jig! Jig! Jigglypuff!" replied the Pokémon with flailing arms. She appeared to be rather distressed for some reason.

Unfortunately, the only Smashers who could really understand Jigglypuff's native tongue were the ones who were stranded on a boat with a bunch of banana peels. And since Samus was still sleeping, it looked like their only hope of understanding what this Pokémon was saying was to just… well, listen.

"Slow down," said Shulk, his head still poking up from the sand. "You're speaking so fast I can't tell what you're saying!"

"Jig. Jig. Jigglypuff," repeated Jigglypuff slower with an unenthusiastic expression.

Robyn just facepalmed while Palutena gave a small giggle.

"Hold on, I've seen this before," said Doc, who apparently was fine now after lying in the shade of the umbrella for a few minutes. He walked up to Jigglypuff and began examining her closely. "Yup, just as I thought."

"What?" asked Robyn.

"This here Pokémon was never taught how to speak English," he replied nonchalantly.

"Thanks for the updated captain obvious," said Palutena sarcastically. "Besides, what should that even matter considering we're all technically Japanese."

"Speak for yourself," retorted Shulk in his posh accent, although it appeared that whatever point Palutena was trying to make flew completely over his head.

"Just start from the top, Jigglypuff," said Robyn. "We'll try to follow along as best we can."

Jigglypuff took a deep breath, inflating her body before letting it all out with a sigh. Through a series of cartoonish actions and "Jiggly's," the Pokémon attempted to illustrate the message she was trying to convey with body language. She first puffed out her cheeks and began waltzing around making grunting sounds, simulating the habits of a certain large penguin king.

"You were hungry?" asked Shulk, slightly confused.

"Oh, I love charades!" chimed Palutena. "Let's see here… You're a walking marshmallow?"

Jigglypuff crossed her arms before jumping up and slapping Palutena in the face, leaving behind a red mark on her skin.

"Hey! What was that for?!"

"It doesn't look like she's playing around," commented Little Mac, who was seated on the sand beneath his own umbrella. "Try something else."

Jigglypuff sighed again before putting a hand up to her ear.

"Sounds like…" said Robyn in thought.

Jigglypuff grabbed both ends of one of her seaweed strands, handing one to Palutena and one to Doc Louis. She then hopped onto the line between the two, rocking back and forth as if she was sitting on some sort of…

"Swing!" exclaimed Shulk. "Sounds like 'swing'?"

"Jigglypuff!" chimed Jigglypuff, landing on the ground and holding up a sign with an "O" on it.

"Sounds like swing…" mumbled Palutena, racking her brain for any word that fit that description. "Cling, sling, ding, ring…"

"King?" asked Robyn.

"Jigglypuff!" Jigglypuff held up another sign excitedly.

"As in… King Dedede?"

"Jigglypuff!" Yet another sign.

"Okay, so what about King Dedede?" asked Robyn.

Jigglypuff held up a hand, signifying that the next word was just one word. She then picked up a stick and started drawing on the sand. After a few seconds, she had drawn a picture of a stick-figure boy next to a plus sign next to a bed with someone sleeping in it, as signified by the trails of "Z's."

The Smashers all gathered around to study the image, save for Shulk who sadly couldn't see anything since he was still buried in the sand.

"You said it was one word?" asked Robyn.

"I'm completely lost…" muttered Palutena.

"I thought you said you were good at this game?" said Mac.

"I said I liked it; that doesn't mean I'm good at it," replied Palutena with a sheepish smile.

"Does this kid want to take a nap or something?" asked Doc, rubbing the bottom of his chin as he examined Jigglypuff's drawing.

"Kid wants to nap…" mumbled Robyn to herself. "Kid wants to…" She snapped her fingers. "I've got it! The word is 'kidnap'!"

Jigglypuff!" exclaimed Jigglypuff, holding up another "O" sign.

"I'd say that Robyn's pretty good at this," commented Little Mac. "She's gotten everything right so far."

"All it takes is a little clever deduction," she replied. "And 13 years of playing Pictionary."

"Jigglypuff, Puff, Jiggly," said Jigglypuff, holding up a hand before crossing her arms.

"Is this the last word then?" asked Shulk.

"Sounds like it," said Robyn. "Go ahead Jigglypuff."

Jigglypuff grabbed some seaweed and put it in her hair, giving herself some slimy and green locks. She then brushed them back and batted her eyelashes, emulating the look of a pretty girl trying to be flirty.

"Are you trying to be funny right now?" questioned Palutena. Apparently she was taking offense to Jigglypuff's misuse of green hair.

"Jiggly!" responded the Pokémon. It wasn't the color of the hair that was important. She picked up her stick and began waving it around, almost like she was pretending to be in a sword fight.

"Kind of reminds me of Lucina actually…" said Shulk.

All the pieces of the puzzle immediately snapped together in Robyn's head at the mention of Lucina's name.

"Oh my gosh! Lucina's been kidnapped by King Dedede!" she exclaimed.

"What? Seriously?" replied Doc.

Jigglypuff nodded her head rapidly, and then started acting out the scene where Shovel Knight literally carried Lucina over to Dedede's castle.

"But why would he do that?" asked Little Mac. "Is King Dedede that kind of person?"

"There's a reason why he's a villain," replied Palutena. "And all this time I thought Lucy was just running to the bathroom…"

"Well we have to do something!" said Shulk. "Who knows where she could be now?"

"Jigglypuff!" Jigglypuff ran off, waving for the others to follow her.

"Now where's she going?" asked Doc.

"It looks like she knows where King Dedede took her," replied Robyn. "Come on, let's go!"

Robyn, Doc, and Little Mac all went after the small Pokémon, and Palutena almost tailed them too before she remembered Samus was still snoozing. She quickly waltzed over and bopped her on the head lightly.

"Hm?" mumbled Samus, stirring from her peaceful sleep.

"Listen," said Palutena. "I know the beach isn't really your thing, but we just found out that Dedede took Lucina somewhere farther down the beach. We're going to go find them; you want to come with?"

"Hey, don't forget about me!" cried Shulk's head from somewhere nearby. "I'm still buried over here!"

"I don't know," replied Samus, turning over. "Should I?"

"It's up to you," she said. "I'll stay here with you if you don't want to go."

Samus noticed a sly smile creep across Palutena's face, to which she had no choice but to quickly stand up and stretch her limbs.

"You know what? I could use some exercise," said Samus. "Let's get out of here."

She ran off, followed by Palutena who trotted along behind her. Neither woman heard Shulk's pleas for assistance as he desperately tried to undig himself from the predicament he was in.

Meanwhile on the water, Falcon and Mario both noticed that everyone on the beach was long gone.

"Hey, where did everybody go?" asked Mario.

"They're heading further down the beach," replied Falcon, putting a hand over his eyes to cover them from the sun's rays. "You don't think they're trying to ditch us do you?"

"Nah, I don't think so," muttered Pit. "They're following Jigglypuff for some reason." He peered over the side of the boat. "What was she doing down there anyway?"

"Let's go after them," said Mario. "It beats sitting around here waiting for nothing."

"Hey, we caught something didn't we?" said Falcon.

"I… don't think that counts as a catch…" replied Pit.

"Whatever. I can see you guys are bored of this manly sport anyway. Personally, I don't see what the big deal with fishing is either. I'd rather go parasailing or something, you know? Or maybe even deep-sea diving." Falcon took a hold of the oars and sat down towards the stern of the boat. "Alright boys, hold onto your hats! Falcon…" He leaned forward while Pit and Mario gripped the sides and braced themselves. "Row row row your boat!"

The boat sped off thanks to Falcon's unparalleled rowing skills, gliding along the water smoother than a jet ski. It wasn't long before the trio caught up to Palutena and Samus, speeding past them and almost colliding with a group of sharp rocks that were dangerously close to shore for some reason.

It looked like all of the Smashers had set off to find out where King Dedede had taken Lucina. Well, all of them except for one.

"Um… Guys?" said Shulk, still in the same position he's more or less been in since the beginning of this chapter. "Anyone?" He sat there in silence for a few moments before remembering that the Monado was lying on the sand roughly a foot away from him. He then spent the next ten minutes or so arching his head forward in an attempt to grab the enchanted sword with his mouth.


	13. Ultros, the Pervy Blooper Reject

Banana Babe Beach Blast

* * *

Chapter 13: Ultros, the Pervy Blooper Reject

* * *

"What the bloody hell is taking them so long?" mumbled Jack, tapping the face on his Mickey Mouse watch. "They should have been up here twenty minutes ago."

He leaned over the side of the boat, scanning the dull surface for any sign of his crew. It seemed that they were still down there trying to find the treasure, but there was no reason why it should have been taking so long considering Greninja was with them. Some pirate crew they were turning out to be…

"I knew I should have gone with them…" muttered Jack, plopping himself back down onto the boat and poking the side with his finger. "Sending boys to do a man's job."

Suddenly, he noticed a surge of bubbles push their way to the surface. The next thing he knew, Wario leaped out of the water, flopping around in midair while shouting, "Wahhhh" before landing smackdab in the middle of the boat. The resulting crash created a ripple of waves, bobbing the boat up and down while splashing Jack in the face. Unenthusiastically, he spat a fish out of his mouth.

"Took you long enough," said the pirate. "Did you have a good swim?"

Wario, who apparently wasn't even listening to him, just laid there on the deck with a hand over his chest gasping for air. The scuba mask that had been plastered to his face was now barely hanging by his pinky finger.

"You idiot!" cried Wario as he jumped to his feet. "You gave me a faulty snorkel! I nearly drowned to death!"

"You did?" Jack raised an eyebrow curiously. "I wonder how that could have happened?" He turned around and began jotting some things down on a notepad. "Note to self: Put weights in his pockets next time."

"This thing doesn't even work!" Wario chucked the breathing apparatus into the water, earning a soft "Ploosh!" in response. He crossed his arms in frustration. "Those dirt-bags probably got their hands on the treasure by now."

Jack's ears appeared to perk up at the sound of that special word, and he made no hesitation to confront Wario face to face, practically grasping him by the shoulders in the process.

"The treasure?" he said. "Did you see it?"

"No I didn't see it!" Wario swatted the man away from him with ease. "I was too busy trying to save my own skin from that giant squid!"

"Gah!" Jack swiftly pulled out his sword and pistol before hopping around the boat. "Where is he!?" He fired a shot into the distance. "Stick with me lad! I'll protect you!"

"Will you knock it off!" Jack tripped over Wario's leg, stumbling a bit before outright falling out of the boat again. He sat in the dark water for a little while as his head cooled down, pulling himself back up and lying under the sun.

"Are you sure you saw the squid?" he asked seriously. "There hasn't been a squid sighting in these waters for over a century. Not since Bananabeard went down anyway."

"Well if that's true then why the heck are you acting so scared?"

Jack sat there trying to come up with an answer, although he looked more confused than confident in a response. "I ate some bad squid when I was a boy. Here's some words of wisdom for you: If the tentacles are still moving after you cook it, don't put it in your mouth."

"Ekk…" Wario cringed. Although it was true that even Wario had ingested many disgusting things in his life, he'd never be caught dead trying to eat a live fish. Are squids even considered fish?

"In any case, if you see a giant squid, make sure you stay clear away from its tentacles." Jack put a leg up on the side of the boat pondering. "I know many a man who has lost an arm and a leg to those foul creatures. Some even lost their heads, literally popped off after they were squeezed to death. There isn't anything more agonizing than feeling your stomach coil up inside you and forced out through your rectum."

As he rambled on about evil squids, he didn't seem to notice the towering monstrosity rising out of the sea behind him. Wario sat there with his mouth agape, his eyes practically bulging out of their sockets as the emerging creature climbed higher and higher into the sky. He wasn't even paying attention to what Jack was saying at this point, barely being able to mumble his own words.

"Um… Ugh… Jack…" muttered Wario.

"If you're going to interrupt me at least address me by my proper name," replied Jack with a shake of his head.

"J-Jack!"

"Captain. Captain Jack Sparrow. Seriously, how hard is that?"

"Behind you, you moron!"

A sound resembling a low fog horn froze Jack on the spot, and it took him a few seconds to actually turn around to see what all the commotion was about. Of course, when he finally did turn around, he had to arch his neck up in order to even get a glimpse at the top of the monster that was standing behind him.

"Oh my…" he mumbled. "That's a really big fish."

"Well, well, well!" exclaimed the bellowing voice of the creature. "What do we have here? More pirates who have come and parked their boat right in my backyard!"

"Ship," coughed Jack to himself.

"Hey wait a second," said Wario. "Did that thing just talk?"

The monster in question looked unlike any squid that both Jack and Wario had ever seen in their lifetimes. For one thing, the creature's skin was a ghastly shade of purple, shimmering under the sun unlike the Bloopers resident to the Mushroom Kingdom. Secondly, the squid had absurdly large red eyes, coupled with an even more gargantuan set of razor sharp fangs that seemed to wrap around the entire lower half of its body. It had a shiny round head, but it was hard to tell from their position on the boat, although there was no mistaking that this creature had a very nice set of tentacles, which it used to help raise itself high out of the water.

"Yes, I can talk!" retorted the squid. "I wasn't born yesterday you know!"

Its voice was something that resembled the sound of chalk on a board coupled with the lisp of a flamboyant middle-aged man.

"Stand down monster!" cried Jack, raising his sword up high. "You are standing in the presence of the one and only Captain Jack Sparrow, the most dangerous pirate to ever sail the seven seas!"

"And I'm Wario, the roughest, toughest, meanest—"

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves here lad."

"Silence!" screeched the monster. "I don't care who you are! You pirates are anchored on private property! And there's nothing I despise more than men who stick their noses where they don't belong!"

Jack and Wario were somewhat flabbergasted by this creature. At first they were expecting it to outright attack them without any word or warning, yet now here it was telling them off like a crotchety old man! This really wasn't the kind of monster Jack was expecting.

"Hmm," said Jack. "You know, you look kind of familiar. Um, excuse me! Giant monster! What is your name?"

"You don't know?" replied the creature. "And here I thought I was the one living under a rock all these years." The creature cleared its throat, or whatever kind of throat it had considering all they could see was a set of teeth. "I am Ultros, the most powerful and evil octopus in the entire world!" He leaned his head down so that he was at eye level with the pirates. "I'm also quite the lady killer." He winked.

"Well, that's one thing we have in common," said Wario with a smirk.

"Now, back to business!" shouted Ultros. "I presume that I can thank you two pirates for dumping your trash on my lawn?"

"Not sure what you're talking about," said Jack. "Unless you mean our anchor. I know it looks like a banana, but I can assure you that our banana anchor is indeed an anchor and not a banana."

"Not that!" He put a tentacle up to his face, pondering to himself for a moment. "Although, now that you mention it, that anchor does look kind of nice. I might take it from you unless I end up swallowing it just like I'm about to do to your crew." He lifted up two large tentacles on either side, presenting what appeared to be a naked blond boy (tanned swim shorts), as well as an overgrown blue amphibian. "Look familiar?"

The two pirates in Ultros' tentacles were indeed members of Captain Jack's crew, as they kicked and twisted in the iron grips. They also looked to be in pain, but that apparently didn't stop either of them from screaming at the top of their lungs.

"Jack, get us out of here!" cried Toon Link, attempting to wriggle with all his might.

"Well that's not good," muttered Jack before raising his voice yet again. "Release those men at once you beast! They haven't done anything to hurt you!"

"Ohohoho, I do plan on releasing this slimy frog here," replied Ultros, tightening his grip on Greninja. "But the pretty girl is staying with me!"

"Um…" said Wario, scratching his head. "That's not a girl."

Obviously he was referring to Toon Link, and it was a wonder how anyone could mistake him for being female since he most certainly looked like a boy. His hair may have been fair, but even to the untrained eye he had all the characteristics of a boy, at least from the chin down.

"I've been trying to tell him that this whole time!" cried Toon. "He just won't listen!"

"I know a pretty girl when I see one!" retorted Ultros, staring Toon Link square in the eyes. "And I'm not about to let this one squirm away like the last one did!" He tossed Toon Link high in the air, earning more screams from the poor boy. He surprisingly caught him again, this time by the foot, now displaying Toon to his crewmates upside-down and hanging by a limb. "See? You can't fool Ultros! This is a girl if I've ever seen one!"

Jack and Wario could understand where the giant octopus was coming from, seeing as how Toon Link had somehow managed to get a pair of starfish attached to this chest right where any regular woman's breasts would be. Not only that, but he also had a seashell stuck to his crotch, but he still looked half-naked anyway thanks to his ghostly swim attire. He hung there momentarily in confusion before realizing what Ultros was referring to, causing a rush of heat to his face.

"I swear I have no idea how these got here!" he pleaded. Whether Jack and Wario believed him or not, he was actually telling the truth.

"Wow Toon," replied Wario with a snort. "I never took you as a crossdresser." He soon burst into tears, laughing his butt off in the boat.

"Lad, I think you and I are going to have to have a long talk after this…" commented Jack.

"Ha! You see?" said Ultros. "You lying pirates are all the same! I thought it was bad luck to keep a woman on board, but apparently I was wrong! So this is how it's going to be. I'm gonna smash you and your boat all to pieces! And the girl can live with me underwater happily ever after!"

"I can't breathe underwater," replied Toon Link.

"Oh no you don't," said Jack, raising his sword yet again. "No one does away with my crew! If you want to kill us, then you'll have to get through my first mate!" He grabbed Wario by the shoulder and pulled him in front of him.

"Hey wait a second!" cried Wario. "I'm not your first mate!"

"You've been promoted. Now attack!"

"You're the cruddiest captain I ever met!"

The two began bickering and reaching for each other's throats while Ultros, Toon Link and Greninja sat there awkwardly staring at them. Even after the prolonged pause, neither of the two men in the boat seemed to notice that their argument was being watched.

"Um… Are they always like this?" asked Ultros.

"Wario is," replied Toon Link. "I feel like Jack just does it to egg him on."

"That's Captain Jack—Ow!"

They were now rolling around on the deck punching and kicking each other. A few more seconds past while absolutely nothing was accomplished.

"That's the last time I take orders from you!"

"I'm the captain so you have to do as I say!"

"You make it sound like the answer to all our problems will just come flying out of the water!"

As if on cue, a large fist launched from the water, delivering a powerful uppercut just under Ultros' jaw. The sheer force of the attack knocked the octopus off his tentacles, and thankfully forced him to release both Greninja and Toon Link from his grasp. Toon Link cried for help, getting thrown into the air. Almost at once, he was swept up into the strong arms of the Super Smash Brothers' resident giant ape!

"Donkey Kong!" cried Toon.

DK gave him a toothy smile, performing a cannonball back into the water while holding onto his buddy. Ultros had fallen, creating a large tidal wave, but all it did was move the anchored banana boat around a little. The Smashers quickly swam back up to the surface, seeing that Greninja had also made it out fine. The aquatic Pokémon gave an "OK" sign with his webbed hands.

"Boy am I glad to see you," said Toon. "I thought you were a goner!"

DK shrugged his shoulders. He had been stuck at the bottom of the ocean for quite some time after getting knocked away by Ultros' initial attack, but obviously Ultros never playing Donkey Kong Country since DK was a natural swimmer with lungs capable of holding air for dozens of minutes.

"Loser!"

"Fatty!"

"Pirate pansy!"

"You take that back!"

Oddly enough, Jack and Wario were still fighting on the boat, not even aware that DK had saved his friends, or that Ultros was even attacked to begin with.

"Grr," growled the octopus, rising out of the water yet again. "You'll pay for that you overgrown chimpanzee!" He raised two tentacles, holding them up like a pair of boxing fists. "Come on! You and me! Right here! We're duking it out mano y mano!"

DK just stared at Ultros, glancing down at Toon Link to see if this was a good idea. The young boy just shook his head, which DK was quite pleased with seeing. Gently, he put his companion in the water before cracking his knuckles.

Today was going to be the brawl to end all brawls.

* * *

Two minutes later…

* * *

"So sorry for being so mean with you folks!" said Ultros happily, a series of bruises, welts and bandages now decorating his head. "I had no idea you guys were members of the Super Smash Bros.! If I had known that, I would have given your crewmates back right away, I swear!"

The Smashers, who were now seated in the banana boat, rolled their eyes in response. It appeared that although Ultros was strong, most of him was just talk. Donkey Kong was able to level the poor guy in a matter of seconds, without so much as getting a scratch on himself. Even Jack was in awe of how fast DK did away with the threat, and found himself massaging the ape's shoulders at his request. DK nodded his head gleefully as Jack rubbed him right between the shoulder blades.

"Don't be getting used to this, monkey," said the pirate. "I could have taken care of that monster myself. I just… didn't want to hog all the spotlight."

"Why did you attack us, Ultros?" asked Toon Link, who now had his starfish bra removed, returning him to the kind-of-naked look that he was originally wearing. "Was it because of the treasure?"

"Bah, are you kidding me?" replied the giant octopus. "I don't care about some crummy old treasure. I was more upset that you guys were trespassing on my private property." He pointed a tentacle downward. "That ship, the coral surrounding it, everything is on my land. I even have a fence going around it to let other fish know that they have no right to enter."

Toon took a glance around the area, confirming yet again that they were practically sitting in the middle of nowhere.

"You ought to put some signs up here then," he said. "We had no idea we were trespassing."

"Why the heck should that even matter?" asked Wario. "We're freakin' pirates! Pirates don't obey the rules!"

"Can confirm. Am pirate," chimed Jack.

"I did have signs, but those dang Bloopers must have taken them again!" cried Ultros. "Oh, this is so stupid." He sounded really upset, almost as if he were on the brink of tears. "Just because I don't fit in with them, they think it's fun to destroy my things. All because I'm an octopus!"

"Pfft, so?" replied Wario. "What's wrong with being an octopus? I mean, sure, you're ugly, but at least you're not a mutated frog with a tongue the size of the Bridge of Eldin."

Greninja smacked Wario in the side of the head for that remark.

"I tried to fit in! I really did!" continued Ultros. "I kept going back, being nice to everyone, trying my best so that one day they would let me join their school. Even after all this time, they still make fun of me, and now they've gone and vandalized my signs again…" His eyes lowered in shame. "I just wish I had someone to hang out with. Or a girlfriend…"

The Smashers couldn't help but feel bad for poor Ultros. He was more or less rejected from his society of ocean-dwellers, likely because he was a monster. In all honesty, who would want to be friends with a freakishly giant octopus? That was probably the reason why he was so gung-ho on kidnapping Toon Link, having to resort to force since no one else wanted to spend time with him. He may have been a rough and tough monster on the outside, but on the inside, he just wanted some love like everyone else. Kind of like Smash King24. If anyone knows who that is.

"Aw…" replied Toon. "Don't feel bad, Ultros. We could be your friends if you want. Right guys?"

Good old Toon Link, always trying to be the nice guy. Even if he _was_ almost brutally murdered at the tentacles of the person he was trying to help.

"Greninj," said Greninja with a nod. DK also gave his head a shake, although he may have been doing that due to Jack's massaging.

"I guess," mumbled Wario, who really didn't care either way.

"That's not enough though," replied Ultros. "I mean, I'm grateful that you would say that, but I need someone who I can spend a lot of time with. 'Cuz you guys are eventually going to go back home right? I need someone to talk to, or maybe to play games with, heck even someone to help me rebuild my signs would be good enough."

"Sounds to me like you need yourself a girl, mate," said Jack, poking his head from around DK's shoulders.

"A girl?" responded Ultros curiously. "You mean like a pretty girl?"

"Um… Sure if you prefer."

"I do like pretty girls!" He got kind of excited with the way he said that for some reason. "I wish they played with me more though. All the girls I find just want to run away whenever I catch them."

"I could be mistaken, but I think it's because you're going about this the wrong way. You can't just grab whatever girl you want and drag them into your home thinking they'll spend the rest of their days with you." He got up, moseying over to Wario. "You gotta woo them. Entice them. Make them think that without you, they have nothing else to live for." As he said these things, he began stroking various parts of Wario's face, but the fat Italian man didn't seem to be taking a liking to any of it. He quickly brushed Jack's hands away from him.

"Oh, but I do!" said Ultros. "I tell them that if they don't come with me I'll kill them!"

"That's not what he means you idiot," replied Wario, his face meeting his open palm with a smack. "He means you have to actually be nice in order to get what you want!" Toon, DK, and Greninja all gave Wario an odd look. "Hey, it's not like I practice what I preach so bug off!"

"Be nice?" Ultros thought about it for a few moments. "I never tried that before. You mean like saying please and thank you and all that?"

"And being gentle," said Toon. "I hate it when—err, I mean girls hate it when you're too rough. Oh, and dress nicely! My grandma always told me that the key to being attractive is to look confident in yourself. So if you dress confident, then you'll feel confident!"

"Greninja," chimed Greninja, who gave a small nod. "Greninj, Gre, Greninja, ja." He put his arms out, widening his eyes as he spoke, as if the "none-of-the-readers-can-understand-Pokémon" joke hasn't been driven to the ground enough in this story. "Greninnnnj."

"Huh?" asked Ultros.

"He said if you get a girl of the same species, you have to take her to a daycare so you can make eggs," explained Wario nonchalantly. "Just ignore him; he doesn't get out much."

"Gee..." The giant octopus scratched his bulbous head with a tentacle. "I had no idea girls could be this complicated."

"Can't say I blame you," said Jack. "I wouldn't imagine anyone of your, ugh, stature to get regular visitors."

"Could you guys maybe help me?" Ultros gave them a look like the kind dogs do when they feel sorry for pissing on the floor (dammit Mika). "I don't think I'm ready to try and get a girlfriend by myself. If you could train me at least, or give me more advice, then I think I might be able to finally get myself a pretty girl."

"Eh…" Wario really didn't feel like helping, especially since they were forgetting the reason why they came out to the open sea in the first place. "Sorry, but we have other plans…"

"Oh, if you guys want the treasure I can give you that."

"Say what!?"

"Uh huh!" Ultros shook his head, and he appeared to be smirking with his set of large fangs. "I have no need for any treasure so I'll be more than happy to give it to you guys if you help me out."

"Sounds like a good deal to me fellas," whispered Jack to his crew. "If we help him, we walk out of here with a happy sea monster and our pockets full of gold!"

The Smashers seemed to be pretty okay with that thought, although DK would have been much happier filling his pockets with something long, firm, and edible.

"But Jack, do you really think we can?" whispered Toon Link. "What if our advice doesn't work?"

"It will work, lad. We're the finest pirates Banana Beach has ever seen!" He smirked. "Plus you got me on your side."

DK shook his head before promptly shoving Jack over the side of the boat with his palm. The pirate captain shivered as he climbed back up, muttering some unkind words below his breath.

"Well?" asked Ultros. "What do you say?"

"We'll help you," replied Toon Link warmly. "Now… where should we begin?"

And so, the next half hour or so was dedicated to teaching Ultros the ins and outs of communication, etiquette, and most importantly when and when not to use tentacles to get the things he wanted. There were several instances where both Toon Link and Wario had to dress up as girls (thanks to some more under-the-sea decor) and basically simulate what talking to a stranger would be like. Greninja, although not very fluent at English, was surprisingly very skilled at picking up chicks, which he was able to demonstrate to Ultros by showing what a true gentleman would do for a young woman if they went out to a restaurant, or to a park, or some other kind of generic dating location. Wario made no hesitation to show that women loved money, but he only had fictional examples to go off of, which more or less never worked in any real situation, or any scenario that Ultros would likely find himself in. It was kind of difficult for them to teach Ultros how to and how not to approach a lady however, for more often than not he couldn't restrain himself from grabbing Toon and Wario with his tentacles, attempting to touch them in places that are far too inappropriate for a story like this (ha, yeah right). Long story short, Ultros liked to grope, and as fitting as that was for a giant octopus, it was the last thing he wanted to do if it met making a new lady friend, or a "pretty girl friend" as he called it.

When all was said and done, the Smashers found themselves back in the boat, with a new and improved Ultros standing before them. To fit the bill, he was now sporting a charming top hat, along with a dubious monocle and clever mustache. Well, the mustache may have been overkill, but DK liked the way it looked.

"Okay, now from the top," said Jack. "You see a young woman approaching your doorstep. How do you greet her?"

Ultros cleared his throat, his voice changing to something deeper and less clumsy than before. "Good day my dear!" he said. "And to what do I owe the pleasure on this beautiful summer day?"

"Someone drops her books on the library floor," continued Toon Link. "What do you do?"

Ultros crouched down, picking up some seashells and other random ocean life that was floating near the surface. "Here you are, Miss! That was quite a tumble you took. Fear not, for I have a Band-Aid for you."

"A girl's dress gets lifted from a sudden updraft and you see it!" said Wario. "Now what?"

Ultros had the sudden urge to fire his tentacles off and grab the hypothetical girl by the legs, but he quickly regained control of himself, huffing ever so slightly. "I pretend I don't see it and walk away. No one wants to be embarrassed like that."

Wario nodded his head, showing a cleft in his chin since he was genuinely impressed by that remark.

"You're a better man than me," he smirked. "I'd just grab my camera and—OW!" He rubbed the top of his head, wincing in Greninja's direction.

"Well DK?" asked Toon. "What do you think? Does he pass?"

Donkey Kong returned the question with two thumbs up, a sure-fire signal that at this moment in time, Ultros was officially a tried and true gentleman. Or gentle-octopus, but technicalities aside, this was a huge step forward for the giant sea creature. Even the Smashers felt pretty confident since in all honesty, they were kind of surprised that their training actually paid off.

"Hurray!" cheered Ultros, whose voice was now back to its playful and flamboyant self. He also ditched the cheesy getup in the process. "I feel more confident already! And it's all thanks to you guys! I could just… I could just give you all a hug!"

Toon Link rubbed the back of his head. "Aw… Don't mention it." He noticed a pair of tentacles inching their way towards his face. "And don't worry about the hugs! We get the idea!"

"Moving on," said Jack. "If you, my friend, are indeed satisfied with our work, then I believe it goes without saying that you still have your end of the bargain to uphold."

"Oh yes, of course!" Ultros made no hesitation to pull out the treasure chest from under the water. It was covered in algae and kind of stank, but there was no mistaking that this chest was indeed the exact same chest that was hidden away inside Captain Bananabeard's sunken vessel. "Here it is, the treasure you've all be looking for! Unfortunately, I don't have the key, but I hope you'll still take it?"

Jack Sparrow could practically feel his toes tingling with excitement, noticing Toon Link produce the key from the pocket of his shorts. Even Wario was beginning to sense his mouth salivating at the thought of all those jewels in the chest, DK as well but for reasons regarding a certain yellow fruit.

"Go on, lad," said Jack with glee. "Open it."

Ultros placed the large chest down on the boat, the Smashers gathering around it just as Toon Link inserted the key. There was a set of locks and tumblers unclicking before the latch finally gave way. Steadily, Toon put his hands on the side of the chest, grasping the heavy lid cautiously.

"This is it," he muttered. "This is what we've been waiting for!"

He flipped the chest open, everyone's eyes being met with a radiant light. The Smashers all had to cover their eyes for a moment, along with Ultros who found himself peering down at the exciting event curiously. Slowly, the light began to dissipate, each and every Smasher peeking at what Bananabeard could have possibly been hiding in this chest this whole time. Was it gold? Was it gems? Was it bananas? Everyone got their answer almost immediately, and the result was pretty anticlimactic to say the least.

The chest was empty.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Another chapter, another day in paradise. Thanks to my reviewers, UltimateCCC, SmashBrosFan96, SolarEnergy07, MahNati, Flutter Night, Kinkajou321, and any other guest readers. This chapter kind of had a slow start, but I was able to pick it up about a third of the way through, and I'm pretty happy with the result. For those of you who are curious, Ultros is in fact another random game character cameo, heralding from the masterpiece that is Final Fantasy VI (a game I'm currently playing and in love with). You can look up pictures of him if my vague descriptions weren't enough for you. I tried to keep the perverted side of him in tact while also making him a little more friendly than his canon counterpart. I also had to upsize him in order to make him fit the whole "giant sea creature" thing. He makes a great monster in this story since I was originally going to go with a Blooper, but I figured Ultros had just what I needed and more so I decided to roll with it.

If there was something you liked in this chapter then don't be afraid to shout it out! I kind of know what people want and don't want from this story at this point, and it's pretty much boiled down to stupid humor and innuendo. Lots and lots of innuendo. Anyways, take care guys and I'll catch you on the flip side!


	14. Storming Castle Dedede

Banana Babe Beach Blast

* * *

**Author's Note:** Well, this story ain't gonna write itself.

* * *

Chapter 14: Storming Castle Dedede

* * *

Lucina could have slept for another hour or so since she was kind of enjoying her dream of stomping the competition in the Muli-Man Smashes. She saw herself standing on a podium receiving an exaggeratingly large trophy from Master Hand only to have him drop the prize on the ground and breathe heavily in her face. His breath stunk of salty fish and bananas, but that didn't even make any sense since Master Hand didn't have neither a mouth nor breath to begin with.

"Mmm… Another slice of ham please… And maybe toss some soy sauce in there mhmm… sugar and…"

Lucina blinked, realizing that she was staring in to the face of King Dedede, who had his giant arm wrapped around her as they lay uncomfortably close to each other under the shade of a beach umbrella. She grimaced in disgust, shoving away from the fat penguin and stirring him back into reality.

"Huh? Whazzat!?" he cried, jumping up and pulling his hammer out of nowhere. "Kirbeh, you stealin' my lunch again!?"

"Calm down," said Lucina, dusting the sand off her body. "Kirby isn't here."

King Dedede glanced around, noticing that his Waddle Dees were all lying on the ground out cold. Various snoring and other typical sleeping sounds could be heard, which made his blood begin to boil in irritation. Apparently, the party had died down not long after they fell asleep, and already the guards were slacking off on their duties.

"Everyone get back to your posts!" shouted Dedede. "I ain't payin' ya to snooze all day!"

"We were excused from our duties sire," came a voice from behind.

King Dedede whirled around to find Waddle Doo sitting on the ground playing a game of Checkers with a few other Waddle Dees.

"What do you mean you were excused?" replied the king in irritation. "I don't remember tellin' you that!"

"Shovel Knight did sire," said Waddle Doo nonchalantly. "He said we could take the rest of the day off."

"He what!?"

"Now that he mentions it, where is Shovel Knight?" asked Lucina as she also looked around the courtyard. Besides the henchmen littered about along with all the party decorations and overturned food tables, the blue knight in question was nowhere to be found.

"Shovel Knight! Get down here right now!" hollered Dedede angrily. He waited for a reply, a shout, or maybe even the clanking of armor clamoring down one of the wall stairs. Shovel Knight was usually pretty good at sticking his nose in King Dedede's business whether he was wanted or not. Unfortunately, the loyal knight was downright missing, and to be honest Dedede didn't exactly know why. "Where the heck is he?"

"Perhaps he's looking for buried treasure with that giant shovel of his?"

Lucina's question went unanswered however, as King Dedede was quick to rally his troops and get their butts back into high gear.

"Search every room in this castle!" shouted Dedede. "That short-stack ain't leaving this place alive!" He turned his gaze to a group of Waddle Dees on the wall across the courtyard. "You there! Make sure that Shovel Knight isn't tryin' anything funny with Kirbeh!"

The Waddle Dees scrambled about before the whole castle sprung to life with spear-wielding guards scurrying in and out through doorways and along the castle walls. Lucina was honestly impressed with how commanding King Dedede could be when it came to his troops. It's too bad the other members of the Super Smash Bros. never gave him this much respect...

"Um… I'll go look over there," said Lucina, moseying over to the large main gate.

"Oh no ya don't!" replied Dedede, snatching her by the wrist. "You're coming with me to help me find Shovel Knight!"

Lucina found herself being dragged across the sand, casting a small glance back at her only hope of escape.

"Unhand me!" she pleaded.

"Nuh-uh, you promised you would help me win this contest," said Dedede nonchalantly. He booted a bypassing Waddle Dee into the wall before pulling Lucina inside one of the inner towers. The two found themselves making their way underground, the air becoming much cooler and the walls now decorated with some pretty sweet torches to light the way.

"Just because I said I would help doesn't mean you get to drag me around wherever you want!" she continued to fight back, eventually prying away and falling on her butt on the steps. When she looked up, Dedede was smirking, his face now at eye level with her.

"Yeah it does," he said. "You and me are family now right?"

The next thing he knew, her foot was in his mouth, and the poor king came tumbling down dozens of steps before finally landing with his head buried in the sand.

* * *

Outside the castle, Kirby was busy running for his life as spears came raining down on him and his tiny bucket sandcastle. Apparently, the Waddle Dees only just realized that Kirby had been within firing distance this whole time and took it upon themselves to skewer him and make their noble king proud.

Just in the nick of time, the other Smashers came running up the beach noticing his distress. Palutena appeared in a flash of light, using her Reflector to create a mirror wall that sent the spears flying back towards Dedede's castle.

"Holy moly, that's the biggest sandcastle I've ever seen!" exclaimed Doc Louis, running up beside the goddess. "This calls for a chocolate bar." And so he ate one.

"Kirby!" cried Robyn. "Are you okay?"

Kirby jumped out of the pile of sand that he had tripped into looking up to see all of his friends standing over him. He answered them with a curious, "Poyo?" glancing from Little Mac to Palutena, to Robyn, to Jigglypuff, to Samus, and then finally to Doc Louis. Well, actually he was more intrigued by the chocolate bar, but he knew from experience that fighting Doc Louis for one of his chocolates was a matter of life or death—something that he didn't have time for right now.

"So that's Dedede Castle, eh?" said Mac, glancing up at the large structure.

"Jiggly, Jigglypuff!" replied Jigglypuff with a nod.

"So that's where he's keeping Lucina," muttered Palutena between clenched teeth. "What a scoundrel. He probably has her chained up in the basement in some kind of torture room… or worse…"

"What could be worse than that?" asked Doc.

"Please don't make her answer that question," said Samus, already knowing full well where this conversation was heading.

"Whips… blindfolds… clothespins…" mumbled Palutena.

"I have a question," said Little Mac. "Why is she always the one making sexual innuendos?"

"Well someone has to." The goddess playfully stuck her tongue out.

"Incoming!"

The group dodged just in time to not be clobbered by a rowboat that came zipping out of the water and directly into the sand. Mario, Pit and Captain Falcon exploded from the crash, pulling themselves to their feet as if that was completely normal.

"Never fear! The Super Smash Bros. is here!" exclaimed Falcon.

"Mama-mia look at the size of that castle!" cried Mario. "It must be bigger than Peaches!"

"Thanks for waiting guys!" came a British voice from afar. It was none other than Shulk, who was running at them at rapid speeds thanks to his Manado arts. He skidded to a dramatic stop, showering everyone with golden sand and turning them all into sand snowmen. "Heh. Sorry. But that's what you get for leaving me for dead back there!"

There was no protest when Mario used his F.L.U.D.D. to rinse everyone off in a jiffy.

"Leave you for dead?" asked Robyn, wiping the water off her arm. "What do you mean?"

"I was buried in the—oh, never mind." Shulk shook his head in dismay.

"Anyway, can we get back to what the heck we're doing all the way over here?" said Falcon.

"Right," replied Robyn. "Okay people, listen up!" She stomped her foot, which for some reason made everyone scramble to form a straight line, much like something one would see at a military camp. The Smashers all stood at attention, their stares as cold as ice as they focused their sights on the giant sandcastle. "Lucina has been kidnapped by King Dedede and it's up to us to bring her back! The castle is heavily guarded by ravenous monsters and is likely defended by death traps. Our objective is to breech the castle's outer perimeter and secure the courtyard. From there we can make our way through the inner corridors where Lucina should hopefully be waiting for us."

"You think she's letting the whole tactician thing get to her head?" muttered Pit to Little Mac.

"If she's still alive, then chances are King Dedede's keeping her in either the tallest tower, or the lowest level of the basement. This means that once we make it past the courtyard, we'll have to split into groups of two in order to cover more ground." Robyn turned to her troops. "Do I make myself clear?"

"What are the groups?" asked Mario.

"We'll figure that out once we get inside," she replied. "Also, if any of you see King Dedede in there, try not to beat him up too bad. We want to bring him home to Master Hand in one piece, right?"

"Pfft, one piece?" said Falcon. "I'll bring him back as a pile of mush if he lays one finger on Lucina!"

"That's nothing," commented Palutena. "I'm gonna knock him so hard upside the head he'll regret he ever learned the definition of the word 'purify.'"

"I'm going to bring him to justice just like the do-gooder I am!" chimed Pit.

Palutena bopped him on the side of the head with her sceptre, earning a grunt of pain from the angel as he rubbed his new bump.

"Now Pit, you should leave these kind of problems to us grownups," she said, almost in a scolding manner.

"Aw, that's not fair! I'm the captain of your army! Don't I get a say in any of this?"

"Nope, because you're just a kid!"

"Call me crazy, but I'm pretty sure he's older than me," said Shulk, pointing a finger.

"What? No way!" spat Falcon. "You gotta be like what, 18?"

"Yes actually!"

"Older than me…" muttered Little Mac.

"Yeah, by like a year," said Samus, failing to see the relevance in his comment.

"Guys, can we stay focused here?" interrupted Robyn. "We have a princess to save remember?"

"Poyo!" exclaimed Kirby with excitement.

Robyn explained the final parts of the plan, which basically involved how the heck they were going to get on the other side of the wall. There were various methods of approach, such as having Pit or Jigglypuff fly over the wall and opening the gate, although as anyone could expect, Captain Falcon was fully fine with doing this the old fashioned way. Breaking the door down would also be a good opportunity for Little Mac to put his fists to good use, so long story short, the Smashers decided that the best way to get in was to just knock politely.

And by knock politely, of course they meant Falcon Punching the door down.

"Ready Mac?"

"Ready."

"Ready Kirby?"

"Poyo!"

"Ooh man, this is gonna be good," muttered Doc Louis, who was furiously munching a chocolate bar with the others from a safe distance. "Go get 'em Mac! It's all you baby!"

"Holy crap, calm down," said Samus, wiping the flying chocolate crumbs off her face.

"On my mark, you three!" shouted Robyn, who was standing behind Falcon, Little Mac, and Kirby. Funny enough, Kirby was rocking the Captain Falcon getup, complete with his signature helmet and falcon decal.

"Did she say on three?" asked Little Mac. "Or is it one, two, three, go?"

"I think she said on three," replied Falcon.

"Did you say on three?"

"I said on my mark, you three!" repeated the tactician, slightly slower and slightly more irritated this time.

"Ohh…" Little Mac turned around only to end up facing her again. "So wait, is it on three?"

"When I say go just go!" shouted Robyn in annoyance.

"Mama-mia," mumbled Mario. "This is harder than it looks."

"Three! Two! One! GO!"

"Falcon…. PAWNCH!"

There was a fiery explosion, followed by raining sand and shards of glass, which was then followed by someone screaming, and then finally the gate giving away. The once solid structure collapsed in to a heap of sand, revealing the sandcastle's grand courtyard, and an army of Waddle Dees waiting on the other side. They seemed surprised at first, but they knew just as any loyal subjects knew that they had to defend their king's castle to the death, and so they took up arms, raising their spears and running at the Smashers to drive them out once and for all.

"Charge!" cried Robyn.

The Smashers ran in headfirst, Palutena and Shulk meeting up with Falcon, Mac and Kirby to take the blunt of the blows while the others followed up from behind with supporting attacks. Waddle Dees immediately began flying through the air, the castle courtyard becoming a battleground as sand and stone was kicked up, creating a thick blanket of dust that overtook the whole area.

The battle for Castle Dedede had officially begun.

* * *

"Hey, what's that sound?" said Lucina, holding up an ear to what sounded like fighting going on at the surface.

"Never mind that!" replied Dedede. "Help me get this door open!"

They had come across a sealed door in one of the underground passageways, which was strange since most of the doorways down here were open to begin with. Dedede had his hand on the side of the door, attempting to pull it open but it turned out to be just a little too heavy for him. That must have been some really coarse sand…

Lucina went to assist him to keep his mouth shut, grabbing the side of the door to help Dedede get the darned thing open. The two pulled with all their might, finally prying it open with such force that it sent them both toppling to the ground, her on top of him. Thankfully his big penguin belly was more than enough to comfort the fall, and she quickly jumped off to peer into the room while Dedede rolled and flailed about in an attempt to stand up.

"Oh my…" she said in awe.

"What?! What is it!?" Dedede scrambled to his feet, peaking through the doorway as his curiosity got the best of him. What he was met with was the glistening sight of a room filled with untold riches.

King Dedede and Lucina had stumbled upon what appeared to be the castle's treasury, a sea of gold and jewels littering the area as far as the eye could see. The large pillars holding up the room were decorated with colorful banners, while beautiful crystalized statues of mythical gods and goddesses towered from the mountainous piles of coins. There was enough gold here to fill several large swimming pools, so much so that Dedede could put his hands through it like running water. The sight was truly magnificent, and neither Lucina nor Dedede could bring the words to describe how astounded they were by this discovery.

"Is all of this yours?" asked Lucina, her eyes mesmerized by the amount of wealth before her.

"I… guess so?" was all Dedede could muster before he fell flat on his back onto a pile of gold. "It's in my castle so…" He closed his eyes before leaping with glee, tossing the gems into the air. "It's mine! All mine! Ahahahaha!" He then began to fantasize about all the amazing things he could buy. "I can rebuild my old castle! I can eat all the luxurious food I want! I can subscribe to my local newspaper again!" The image of a man in a business suit crossed his mind in an instant. "I can finally pay off Nightmare Enterprises for all those stupid monsters they sold me!"

"Where did all of this come from though?" asked Lucina. "Surely you didn't just amass this much gold out of thin air?"

"It must have been..." Dedede frowned. "Shovel Knight."

"Yes, sire?" came an echoing voice from deeper inside the chamber. "Ugh, I mean, what was that sound? It must have been the wind." Some cheap imitation of the wind soon followed this in the form of whistling.

There was no denying that Shovel Knight was here in this very room, but for what purpose they still didn't know. Hastily, Dedede and Lucina trekked deeper into the treasury, wading through the gold and jewels before coming to a clearing where they saw what appeared to be a short blue knight stuffing a pillow sac full of coins.

"So this is where you've been hiding!" shouted Dedede. "Drop the untold riches now or I'll smash you to pieces!"

Shovel Knight glanced in their direction, dropping the bag of money with an audible "clang!" He didn't seem that surprised, brushing off the Smashers' intrusion with a chuckle.

"Oh please, sire," he said. "I may have built this castle for you, but you know as well as I do that at the end of the day, I'm just some extra hired hands. I thought I would come down here and collect my pay while you and your daughter took a nap."

"Before you continue, let me just say once and for all that I am not his daughter," interjected Lucina. "I was kind of okay with it at first, but now it's honestly starting to annoy me."

Shovel Knight gasped. "B-But Princess! Don't you remember the song?"

"The song was just something you made up on the spot! And it was a lie!"

"Huh. You're smarter than you look, girl." Shovel Knight crossed his arms. "After all this time I had you believing me, yet now I'm the one looking like a fool."

"You never fooled me to begin with!"

"Maybe not, but I certainly fooled King Dedede there, eh?" Shovel Knight laughed again, but Dedede didn't seem amused in the slightest.

"What are you on about?" said the king with a grimace. "I hired you because I needed someone to help me win that contest! And now I'm the king of the sandcastle! And look! I got all the money I could ever want right here too!"

"Did you think that came with the castle as well?" Shovel Knight plunged his shovel into the ground, approaching the two Smashers only for a few steps. "You foolish king. You think a noble knight such as myself would ever serve a pathetic lord like you? All you care about is yourself! You'll do whatever it takes if it means making yourself look good, or destroying that puffball of a warrior on the other side of the wall." The stout knight stood tall at attention. "I am Shovel Knight! World traveller, treasure hunter, and bringer of justice! I do not serve false kings, and I certainly do not throw wild parties just as you saw earlier today. It is the treasure of Banana Beach I seek, the very same treasure that went down with Captain Bananabeard's vessel all those years ago! This castle, aiding you in this contest, it was all a ploy to attain _this_!" He gestured to their glorious surroundings. "I was hoping to be off on my merry way after visiting the treasury, but lo and behold, you have awoken from your nap prematurely. And now, an epic battle is taking place for control of the castle, which is a sure enough sign that it is time for me to take my leave. And so… I bid you adieu."

Shovel Knight gave a solemn bow before picking up his shovel and his bag, hiking his way over the nearest mound of gold.

"Now wait just a darn minute!" hollered Dedede. "You mean to tell me you've been playing me for a fool this whole time!?"

"You're just realizing this now?" replied Shovel Knight. He dropped his loot, plucking a gem from nearby to place into the bag. "I'm surprised you remember to put pants on before going about your day."

King Dedede's anger was beginning to surge again, and Lucina actually had to take a step back as she could feel the heat emanating from his body.

"Okay! That does it!" Dedede pulled out his hammer, slamming it on the ground in an intimidating manner. "I'm gonna clobber you so hard you'll wish you never crossed King Dedede!"

Dedede ran at the knight, but Shovel Knight retaliated by tossing a gem under his feet, tripping up the clumsy king instantly. Dedede fell to the ground with a thud, earning a laugh from the knight whom he once called a loyal follower.

"I'm afraid I already have, sire!" said the knight obnoxiously. "Haha! You should stay on the ground! That position is more suiting to you than a king's throne!"

Shovel Knight continued to laugh to his heart's content, while Lucina stood by, watching. She expected King Dedede to get up and fight for his dignity, but for some reason he wouldn't move. Dedede just laid there on the ground, staring at the knight atop his mound of gold angrily, hating himself because whether he liked it or not, Shovel Knight was right. He was just a greedy king who was in it for himself, serving no one but himself, and taking orders from absolutely nothing but himself. That's why he was always regarded as a villain, but looking at these two characters side by side, the real villain appeared to be the one standing there in blue armor.

Lucina knew what she had to do.

Without much thought, she reached over and pulled a sword out from a pile of gold. The sound of the metal cutting through the air disrupted Shovel Knight's gloating, and when he looked up, he saw Lucina brandishing a shining sword with a hilt... in the shape of a banana. At least the blade was straight.

Dedede glanced at her and was honestly surprised to see her standing up for him.

"Lucina, what are you—"

"King Dedede may be a lousy king, and he may be somewhat greedy," she said hesitantly. "And he may also be kind of dumb and a loud-mouth."

"Hey, easy there."

"But King Dedede has been more of a friend to me on this vacation than you have." She narrowed her gaze on Shovel Knight. "You call yourself an honorable knight yet you choose to fight with words and stones. Therefore, I challenge your blade, else you return to your superiors emptyhanded."

For a moment, she thought she saw a teardrop well up in Dedede's eye.

"Ho ho ho," chuckled Shovel Knight. "Not only is she a princess, but she is also a swordsman!" The knight dropped his loot and raised his shovel up high. "Very well Lucina; I accept your challenge. Let this duel be a true display of honor, man versus woman, shovel versus sword!"

"You don't have to do this!" cried Dedede. "You're making me look like a wuss!"

"I made a promise." She charged at the knight. "And I intend to keep it."

* * *

**Author's Note:** Shout-outs to Kinkajou321, Flutter Night, Sparrow McGraw, SolarEnergy07, MahNati, SmashBrosFan96, ad JintoSpice11 for leaving reviews! Also, I apologize for the delay (how many times am I going to say that in these author notes?) but life's been hella busy lately. The good news is that this story is starting to reach it final chapters! I'm predicting around 3 or 4 more at this point. Honestly, I'm surprised how much of a plot this story has despite it supposed to be just a vacation story about Super Smash Bros. It really just gives me an excuse to make some funny (and not so funny) jokes.

Like what you read? Then be sure to favorite and follow, and I'll catch you on the next wave when we return to Banana Beach! Kowabunga!


	15. Sex Jokes at the Beach

Banana Babe Beach Blast

* * *

**Author's Note:** This chapter is really just an excuse for me to write that tentacle-rape fic I've always wanted to—OH. UM… Did I say that out loud? Err, wow, yeah that's kind of awkward. Hopefully you didn't hear any of that. Anyways, sorry for the late update and no I haven't abandoned this story!

* * *

Chapter 15: Sex Jokes at the Beach

* * *

"I swear the treasure was there this morning when I checked!" pleaded Ultros, darting through the water faster than a speeding speedboat.

"Well if you just retrace your steps, maybe it'll come back to you!" shouted Toon Link over the splashing droplets hitting his face.

"I wish I could but it's not like I can make steps! I don't even have feet!" The giant octopus continued to propel himself at dangerously fast speeds, not even noticing the band of pirates clinging onto his giant head for safety.

"Wherever we're going, make it quick," gurgled Wario as he held on for dear life. "I think I lost my lunch back there…"

"Nope, I got it right here," mumbled Jack, his face covered in stomach fluids and half-eaten hotdogs.

It was a tragic discovery that dawned upon the pirate group when they found out that Bananabeard's treasure chest had in fact been previously plundered. With the exception of the Smashers, Ultros had no recollection of anyone visiting him in his underwater domain recently, which probably meant that the treasure had likely been stolen by pirates.

Err, actual pirates that is.

"Greninj, Gre, Greninja!" came Greninja's voice from nearby. Luckily for him, he was free to surf along the water's edge, albeit to the side in order to not get caught in Ultros' massive wake.

"We're heading to the mainland," replied Ultros. "Argh! I can't believe someone actually stole my treasure! I made sure to wrap it up nicely too." He barred his razor sharp fangs. "If I get my tentacles on whoever took it I'll… I'll!..." But he quickly stopped himself, remembering that he was no longer a terror of the deep, but a tried and true gentleman. "I'll politely explain the situation to the ruffian and hopefully we can come to some sort of compromise."

"Forget that," said Wario. "Smash his face in with a baseball bat!"

"What? But that's not a proper way to be a gentleman!"

"Rule of thumb: If someone steals something from you without any intention of ever returning it, you have every reason to beat them to a pulp."

"Don't listen to Wario; he's just upset because he gets motion sickness," interjected Toon Link.

"Hey! Watch it you little brat! Before I—" and then he upchucked a fountain of warm mush right on top of Greninja's head.

Donkey Kong, who had been sitting quietly atop Ultros' head the whole time, remained silent. He continued to stare off into the distance, his mind preoccupied by the bounteous banana treasure that was hopefully waiting for him at the shore. Could this be the banana to rule all bananas?

"Look sharp, lads," said Jack, raising his telescope to his eye while inadvertently holding it backwards at the same time. "Land ho!"

As he said the words, Banana Beach's golden shore appeared just on the horizon. There wasn't anything particularly out of the ordinary besides the obnoxiously tall sandcastle that sat smack dab in the middle of the beach. Most of the tourists could be seen enjoying themselves on the western side, but this side of the beach appeared as though a massive battle was taking place. Spears were flying, flames were scorching, and sand was exploding high into the sky as if someone had set up a bunch of Blast Boxes and blown them up simultaneously.

"What the heck is going on over there!?" shouted Toon Link.

"I don't know, but we're about to find out," replied Jack, closing his telescope. "Ready lads!" He grabbed Wario by his mustache and yanked him up to a standing position.

"Ugh… I don't remember eating any glazed scallops…" he choked.

"It's going to get bumpy. The water's really shallow here!" cried Ultros.

Greninja quickly latched onto one of Ultros' tentacles just in time as the giant octopus started plowing through seaweed, rocks, and various types of coral. His thick skin made the transition a breeze, but that didn't make the landing any easier as the built up momentum from the ocean's grey waves coming from behind only propelled him forward with even more force than he anticipated. Onlookers from the beach stood up and pointed out at the deranged purple squid-like creature heading straight for the coastline!

"Brace for impact!"

* * *

Meanwhile on the beach, the battle for Dedede's castle raged on as the rest of the Smashers blasted their way through hordes of Waddle Dees, Gordos, Cappies, Scarfies, Bronto Burts, Goombas, Koopas, Bullet Bills, Magnum Bills, Hammer Bros., Fire Sumos, Herobrines, Pookas, Male Wire Frames, Octorocks, Stalfoses, Zombie Pig Men, Minions (from Despicable Me), Freddy Fazbears, Eggplant Wizards, wind-up Mini Mario figures, Metroids, and even Weegee himself. The brawl was in complete disarray, but that's not something that the Smashers couldn't say they weren't used to by now after partaking in so many 8-Player Smashes back at the mansion. Characters would be launched fifty feet in the air, only to come landing down with their own counterattacks. Bodies were crashing into each other, those with weak bone structure were getting obliterated immediately, loose blood painted the golden sand a dark crimson, and worst of all some fighters even got sand in their eye.

"Why does Dedede have so many Waddle Dees!?" shouted Robyn, decimating a group of them with a blast of her Thoron spell.

"He clones them in a secret lab!" replied Mario, setting ablaze a Gordo and rocketing it into a group of enemies like a bowling ball.

"It's such a shame since I think these Waddle Dees are actually kind of cute!" said Palutena, blasting some airborne spears with her sceptre. She then used her staff to grab Pit by his wings and hurl him towards a group of foes. Thankfully he was able to react in time and used his blades to dice ribbons through the clumsy Waddle Dees.

"Lady Palutena, please stop throwing me around like a toy!" cried Pit. "I can fight on my own!"

"Guys, focus!" cried Shulk, the Monado cutting beams through waves of oncoming enemies. He was quickly met with a vision, foreseeing Samus getting jumped by a pair of Koopas. "Samus look out!"

Her catlike reflexes were right on top of it though, since she swiftly performed a flip-kick over both of the Koopas, putting them into their shells and sending them on a one-way trip into a wall.

"Thanks, Shulk. Good timing." She slid to Kirby's aid who was duking it out with a Male Wire Frame and some dude in a chicken suit.

"You know what, I'm not even going to question it," mumbled Robyn. "Everyone! Stick to the plan! We need to find Lucina!"

"Way ahead of you Robyn!" came the voice of Captain Falcon, who was nearby looking underneath every table and corpse. "Lucina, you down here?" He lifted up a knocked out Hammer Bro. "Nope. How about here?" He discovered an unfinished game of Parcheesi that someone had left out in the open, but no Lucina as far as he could tell.

"Pay attention!" cried Samus, launching a Bronto Burt right into Falcon's face.

"Go get 'em Mac!" cheered Doc Louis. "Show 'em what you got!"

In a clearing, Little Mac was throwing punches left and right. Enemies dove at him, but his training as a boxer had more than prepared him for this. He was actually enjoying the practice, seeing every Waddle Dee that came close as a stray punch by an opposing boxer. He threw out a straight lunge, launching an enemy right into Palutena who used her ginormous wings to send it flying outside of the castle.

"Nice one Mac!" she called. "Give me another one!"

Amidst the commotion, Jigglypuff was busy pounding the living daylights out of Waddle Doo. She had grabbed him by the face and lifted him up, smacking him left and right like no tomorrow. She wasn't even aware of the chaos that was taking place around her. Bodies sailed through the air and flames burst from the ground, but Jigglypuff continued slapping the crap out of this poor guy, all with that sly smirk on her face.

"Oh sweet Nightmare above, please make it stop!" pleaded Waddle Doo.

Unfortunately for him, the other Smashers were too preoccupied and so Jiggs kept on smacking away.

Eventually, Shulk's visions gave him an opening in the never-ending wave of enemies. Just up ahead between a Fire Sumo and another Gordo, there would be just enough time for some Smashers to slide past and make it to one of the chamber doors.

"Captain Falcon! This way!" he called.

"Roger that!" replied Falcon, using his Falcon Kick to mow down an entire group of enemies. He and Shulk dove past the blockade, busting through the door and down the steps to the underground. Other soldiers quickly went to pursue, but Robyn struck the tower with an Arcfire, causing it to collapse and block the entrance to the castle's interior.

"That'll have to do for now," she said. "At least some of us made it in."

"Well what are we supposed to do now!?" cried Mario, dodging a flying hammer and then caping a Chain Chomp from chomping his Italian butt off.

"We do what we do best!" replied Robyn, sticking her foot in the face of a clumsy Waddle Dee. "Let's smash 'em up!"

The battle remained heated as bodies upon bodies began to pile up in the courtyard. Enemies continued to file out from behind walls, an infinite cycle that continued to wear away at the Smashers' endurance. All of their individual damage percentages were getting increasingly higher, so much so that even the slightest tap would send Kirby from zero to one-twenty in microseconds. Eventually, items started spawning and before anyone knew it, Soccer Balls, Boomerangs, and Lip's Sticks had littered the field.

"Oh come on, who the heck plays with these items on?" moaned Pit with a shake of his head.

"Hey Mac! Grab yourself one of those Soccer Balls there and let's have a game!" shouted Doc.

Little Mac kicked the Soccer Ball, bunting a Waddle Dee in the process. Doc Louis quickly received it, passing it back with a flaming kick. They passed the ball back and forth, blasting each enemy that came in contact with it and cleaning house very nicely.

"Let me show you how it's done," called Samus, taking the ball and smashing it through the face of a poor Scarfy. The ball ricocheted into the sky where it was received by Pit who continued the chain with a flaming kick of his own. He ended up kicking it into a pile of more Soccer Balls, causing a mass explosion of balls that headed right for Palutena.

"Gah! Lady Palutena!" cried Pit. "Look out!"

Palutena reacted just in the nick of time with her Reflector, sending the Soccer Balls flying in every possible direction where they collided with friends and foes alike.

"Oh my, I've never seen so many balls before!" she chuckled.

Kirby stood up, a Soccer Ball wedged in his mouth. He immediately spat it out, but he did think the taste was pretty sweet.

"Mama-mia!" cried Mario. "We can't do this forever!" He stomped on a Goomba, followed by another Goomba, followed by another Goomba, and then finally landing on yet another Goomba.

"Unless a Smash Ball appears we'll be sitting ducks!" replied Robyn, but she almost didn't have time to finish her sentence when she saw a looming shadow come over the area. She turned around in horror as she clambered and shouted for everyone to get out of the way.

A giant tidal wave came crashing down on the arena, the outer walls of the sandcastle becoming completely obliterated. Enemies got launched miles away as the entire courtyard became drenched in saltwater. Soon enough, the wave had pulled away back into the sea, leaving a gaping hole where the gates used to be and all of the Smashers buried in the wet sand.

"Oi, my head…" mumbled Wario as he shook himself free from the ground. "Aw man, I got sand in my crack." He proceeded to clean out his butt, followed by his shorts, and then his fat flubs.

One by one the other Smashers emerged from the debris, including the likes of Donkey Kong, Greninja, and Toon Link. Donkey Kong grasped someone's leg that was sticking out of the ground, only to find that it belonged to Little Mac.

"There you guys are!" he exclaimed before being dropped on his head.

"Took you long enough," said Samus, pulling herself to her feet. She quickly ran over and started to help Pit, who had somehow got his head trapped in a bucket.

"What's going on over here?" asked Toon Link as he stood up. Everyone had to do a double-take since he looked naked in those tanned shorts, but alas this joke has probably run its course already.

"King Dedede kidnapped Lucina and blah blah blah," replied Doc, "and WHAT IN THE NAME OF DIABETES IS THAT!?"

Of course, he was referring to the elephant in the room, or in this case the overly huge purple octopus. Ultros was stumbling around outside of the castle walls, somewhat dazed by the sudden turn of events. He wasn't expecting that giant wave to crash him this far into the mainland.

"I'll take four helpings please…" he mumbled in a dizzy stupor.

"Oh, don't mind him," replied Toon Link. "That's just Ultros. He's a friendly octopus!"

"I don't know," said Mario. "If living in the Mushroom Kingdom has taught me one thing, it's that anything with tentacles will likely try to kill you if it gets the chance."

"Greninja, Gre," said Greninja in response, effectively stating, "Don't worry; he's on our side."

Ultros opened his giant eyes in confusion. His top hat and gentleman mustache had fallen to the sand, but he didn't seem to notice at all. He just kept looking around, wondering what the heck was going on.

"Where am I?" he asked. "What is this…" He scanned the area, peering down at the Smashers below. His eyes immediately locked on to the bodies of Samus, Robyn, and Palutena, all of whom were still indeed dressed in their swimwear in case anyone forgot. "Oh… Oh my…"

Palutena yanked her foot out of the mouth of a stray Cheep Cheep, glancing up at the purple obstruction that was blocking everyone's view of the sky.

"Well this can't be good," she said gleefully.

Without warning, Ultros' tentacles came gliding over the sand, latching around Palutena and Robyn's ankles and yanking them off their own feet.

"Gah! Someone help me!" cried Robyn. Mario reached out to grab her but it was too late. She was already being pulled across the sand at incredible speed, and so was Palutena, although she seemed to spend most of her time kicking and screaming the whole way.

A third tentacle came after Samus, but she was able to dodge it thanks to her agility. Unfortunately, her nimbleness was bad news for Little Mac since he ended up getting caught instead, and was nabbed by the clutches of the rubbery ropes of doom.

"Ohohoho!" hollered Ultros. "What a smorgasbord of pretty girls! I absolutely love them pretty!"

He held up his trophies for all to see, Robyn and Palutena who were wrapped tightly around their waists, and Little Mac by his leg upside-down.

"Ultros! Stop!" cried Toon Link. He ran past the castle walls, followed by his friends who were ready to brawl it out with this new fiend. "You're supposed to be a gentleman!"

"Sorry Toon Link, but I've had a change of heart," replied the sly octopus, barring his fangs in a devilish grin. He could barely contain himself from giggling. "I just can't resist a pretty girl! And I've got three all to myself now! All mine! They're all mine!"

"Um, except that Little Mac's a dude," interjected Wario.

Ultros glanced at the short muscular man in his clutches.

"Eh, two out of three ain't bad," he shrugged. "I can always save this one for later in case I get hungry."

"Wait what!?" shouted Little Mac.

"Anyways, ta-ta for now, pirates! I hope you find the treasure you're looking for! I'll be sure to invite you to the wedding! They allow three-way marriages right?" Ultros turned around, kidnapped Smashers in hand, and started heading back towards the sea.

"Don't just sit there!" cried Robyn. "Do something!"

"Hey you bring Mac back right now!" shouted Doc. "That's my star champion you're taking!"

"I'll save you Lady Palutena!" exclaimed Pit, drawing one of his arrows and firing it at Ultros' giant body. Unfortunately, the arrow disintegrated upon making contact with the octopus' behind. His skin was just too thick.

"Someone better stop this monster before he does something inappropriate!" hollered Palutena in dismay.

"He's too big!" cried Mario. "We need something to get his attention!"

Suddenly, Samus stepped in front of the plumber, her eyes burning with vengeance.

"Hey ugly," she said. "You missed one."

Ultros turned to face the Smashers upon hearing Samus' voice, and the hearts in his eyes almost made his pupils burst with lust.

"Whoopsidaisy!" he hollered. "I knew I was forgetting someone! You just stay put and don't move!" Ultros lunged another tentacle at Samus, but just as she did before she stepped aside, giving Donkey Kong the opportunity to grab it with his fists. He gave the giant octopus a cheesy grin. "Unhand me you buffoon!"

"Nice one DK!" cheered Mario. "Everyone attack!"

"Ah ah! Not so fast!" replied Ultros. "One wrong move and these girls are gonna get it!" He tightened the grip on his tentacles as they slithered over his captives' chest areas. Robyn flinched as she felt the strap on her top start to slip off.

"Hey! What do you think you're doing!?" she cried helplessly.

"Well, I can't exactly kill you since I want to keep you," said Ultros casually. "But I'm the one who's in control now! You guys wouldn't want to risk this stories rating going up again would you?"

"So you're going to threaten us by stripping us?" asked Palutena in confusion. "I guess that's not too bad. My nudes are all over the internet anyway."

Robyn gave her companion a flat stare while Palutena chuckled with embarrassment.

"Oh, well I can do much worse if that's what you prefer," said Ultros. He proceeded to slip his tentacles lower on the beautiful bodies of his hostages. Both Robyn and Palutena suddenly felt a cold sensation near their inner thighs and both screamed at the top of their lungs in response.

"Enough of this!" exclaimed Pit, readying a flurry of arrows. "I won't allow you to defile Lady Palutena any longer!"

"No no wait!" cried Wario, flailing his arms in front of the angel. "It was just getting to the good part!"

"The only place this freak is going is back to the sea," muttered Samus. She leaped up, landing on top of the tentacle that Donkey Kong had pinned down. "Mario, with me!"

"Let's-a go!" shouted the plumber, hopping onto the appendage and dashing up its length behind Samus. Greninja also joined in, readying his Water Shurikens between his webbed fingers.

"W-Wait stay back!" cried Ultros. "I'm warning you! I'll really do it! Ill—"

He didn't anticipate Samus' speed, and immediately was met with a heel to the face. Mario followed up with a massive punch (forward-air) before Greninja unleashed his shurikens, giving the final blow with a razor-sharp blade of water.

The forces of the attacks were too much for Ultros and before he knew it, he had stumbled back onto the sand, tripping over his own tentacles. Palutena, Robyn, and Little Mac were all sent flying into the air. DK let go of the massive monster, gleefully watching as Ultros collapse to the sand. A large rupture had shaken the earth.

"Wahh!" cried Robyn as she literally fell from the sky. She conveniently landed in the arms of Donkey Kong, who immediately dropped her when he noticed that the stirred sand had revealed a secret banana that someone had previously buried.

Samus jumped up and caught Palutena in midair, the two of them falling to the sand in a near instant.

"My hero!" cried Palutena, giving her companion a big hug. "You saved me!"

"Well it was either that or watching that monster take your clothes off," replied Samus seriously.

"Oh come on, don't tell me you wouldn't have enjoyed that."

"Hang in there Mac! I got you! I got you!" cried Doc Louis, running around in circles as Little Mac came tumbling from above. Sadly, he tripped over Jigglypuff, whose body was half-buried in the sand. He ended up missing Little Mac entirely.

Ultros pulled himself off the ground, his eyes fuming with rage at the loss of his prized possessions.

"You pirates are going to pay for this!" he cried. "Girls or no girls, I'm going to squash you all like a giant banana pancake!" He raised his tentacles up high, so high in fact that they seemed to stretch up to the heavens. The Smashers quickly scrambled to think of a way to stop him, but no amount of fireballs or light arrows seemed to do anything.

"This is it, Mac," cried Doc, a trembling chocolate bar hanging from his mouth. "Hold me."

Little Mac embraced his coach beneath the shadow of their executioner, tears streaming from his eyes.

"You were the best thing that ever happened to me," he muttered.

"You really mean that?"

"Oh yeah."

"We could use some help here!" shouted Mario as he, Robyn, Palutena, Pit, Toon Link, and Samus pelted Ultros with everything they had.

"It's no use," replied Doc. "The only thing that can stop him at this point is a Smash Ball."

As if on cue, Kirby climbed out of the hole that he had somehow ended up in, coughing out a Smash Ball that he had accidentally inhaled when Ultros appeared. The Smashers all watched it float through the air dumbfounded before they realized what it was. The next thing anyone knew, Jigglypuff had somehow leaped into the air and chased it down with her powerful kicks. She landed gracefully before her friends, her large eyes glowing with golden energy and her body radiating with a magnificent aura. She did a small twirl to finish off her performance, and simply loved all the attention that she had somehow accumulated in a matter of seconds.

"USE IT ALREADY!" everyone shouted as Ultros' tentacles came toppling down towards them.

Jigglypuff activated the Smash Ball, granting her the ability to use Puff Up, an attack that caused her body to expand and inflate itself as big as a hot-air balloon. She took a deep breath, and almost instantly she grew to a ginormous size, effectively absorbing the tentacles with her own head. She was able to shield her fellow Smashers, but she continued to grow in size, so much so that her friends were practically being pushed back into the castle as they struggled to not be squished by her massive girth. Meanwhile, Ultros was suddenly realizing what the heck was going on, and immediately tried to retract his tentacles. Unfortunately, he had smashed her so hard that his suction cups had become stuck to her face, and by the looks of things, Jigglypuff was not taking that too kindly.

"What is the meaning of this!?" cried Ultros. "Let go of me you oversize marshmallow!"

Jigglypuff had grown as tall as him, and pulled his tentacles off by herself. She glared at him, Ultros quivering at the sheer size of the pink menace.

"Um…I'll just… be on my way…" he muttered.

He didn't have anywhere to go though, for Jigglypuff had grabbed him and started smacking the jelly out of him with her signature Double-Slap attack. The sound was meaty, but also satisfying as Ultros' face puffed up almost as much as Jigglypuff. The Smashers on the ground cheered her on from behind.

"I'm—Ow! Sorry—Ow! Please—Ow! Stop—Ow! Slapping!" pleaded Ultros.

She didn't stop there though. After the slapping session, she moved on to kicking each and every one of Ultros' suction cups, bruising them beyond their usefulness. She then gouged his eyes with her tiny fists, and then finished off with a head-butt to the noggin. Ultros stumbled back, nearly collapsing into the water.

"I gotta get out of here!" he shouted. "I gotta—"

"Jiggly!" Jigglypuff cried, pulling a giant microphone from out of nowhere. The Smashers on the ground immediately lost all enthusiasm.

"Um, is that what I think it is?" asked Pit.

"Oh yeah," replied Mario. "Everybody cover your ears!"

Jigglypuff sang her heart out into her microphone, but due to the sheer size of her body, her vocal chords boomed all over Banana Beach. The Smashers cried while they slammed their fists over their ears, Pit and Kirby even vouching to bury their heads in the sand like ostriches. Nothing could stop Jigglypuff's singing however, and one by one her friends started to fall for her lullabies. Ultros was hit by the song as well, and found himself drifting off to sleep in a matter of seconds.

"But I still… didn't get…" he mumbled. "My pretty girls…" He went out like a light.

"You know," said Little Mac between yawns. "Jigglypuff could have just let him run." He curled up into a ball on the ground and started to snooze.

"Yeah," replied Toon Link with a yawn of his own. "But you know her. She always thinks she's the star of the show."

"A nap will do me good," mused Palutena, cuddling up between Samus and Kirby. "I'll see you all… in the morning." She gave a final yawn before drifting off to Dreamland.

"But I'm… not…" muttered Pit before closing his eyes and snoring a mouthful of sand.

The entire beach had miraculously gone silent. Even the straggler minions in Dedede's castle had fallen to Jigglypuff's potent attack. Despite all this, Jigglypuff continued to sing the entirety of her song, which lasted nearly five minutes. No living creature in a mile radius would be able to resist it, and thankfully the Smashers were all wearing sunscreen, otherwise they'd all be roasted in the afternoon heat. If Samus had realized Wario was laying a hand on her boob, she probably would have drop-kicked him by now.

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**Author's Note:** Will the Smashers wake up? Has Ultros truly been defeated? Will Captain Falcon and Shulk be able to rescue Lucina on time? Tune in next time for the next exciting chapter of Banana Babe Beach Blast!

And please don't kill me for updating so late. -_- Huzzah!


	16. The New and Improved King Dedede

Banana Babe Beach Blast

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**Author's Note:** Thanks to my readers, blah, blah, blah ENJOY!

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Chapter 16: The New and Improved King Dedede

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"Huh? What was that?" asked Lucina, looking up at the ceiling of the castle's treasury. Although she couldn't see it, for some reason all of the commotion that was previously taking place up there had somehow ceased. Even amidst the epic swordfight between herself and Shovel Knight she could still hear the explosions and yelling coming from the castle courtyard. Now it had gone completely quiet, which made her wonder whether or not her friends were really on their way to rescue her.

"It sounds like you won't be getting help any time soon!" said Shovel Knight. He lunged at her with his shovel, but she reacted just in time to sidestep it and parry the attack. It wasn't enough however, as she soon found herself stepping back with each swing her opponent made, only having enough time to block the assaults coming at her from every direction. She managed to put her foot down and lock her blade with his, which was utterly ridiculous considering how short he was compared to her.

"You're such an annoying pest," replied Lucina in irritation.

"You're the one who challenged me, dear. I may not look like it, but I've dedicated years of my life to the art of shovelplay (it's like swordplay but with a shovel). I 've executed unworthy kings numerous times in the past, and I would do the same to King Dedede had I not been appointed his personal secretary."

"I just wanted to beat Kirby in the sandcastle contest!" whined Dedede, who was still miserably sitting on the ground. "I don't even know how to build a real sandcastle!"

"See, this is what I'm talking about," said Shovel Knight, shoving Lucina away. "King Dedede is a pathetic excuse for a king. He's lazy, he's selfish, and he has an asinine obsession with that Kirby character who is barely a threat to anyone standing on this beach. Honestly, I'm insulted to have been in the service of such a buffoon!"

"Well you don't have to be a jerk about it!" replied Dedede. "I was only doing what I saw best for myself!"

"Regardless," interjected Lucina, "you're just as bad for deceiving King Dedede and myself into thinking you were sent to help him. In the end, all you care about is the treasure."

"Precisely my point, Princess," said Shovel Knight, raising a finger. "I've scoured this beach for years for Captain Bananabeard's long lost treasure. Unfortunately, this beach is only open to tourists, and so they've put my name on a blacklist in order to prevent me from pursuing my gallant treasure tracking. That's why I agreed to help King Dedede! Under the guise of his lowly assistant, no one would ever think to be suspicious of me! Who would have thought that King Dedede's sandcastle would end up right on top of the same chamber where Bananabeard's treasure was stored?"

King Dedede scowled at the stout knight, still sour after being lied and cheated to. He thought for sure that Shovel Knight was on his side, even if he was a little eccentric in his plans to better his odds in the sandcastle contest. He went from having no sandcastle, to having a giant sandcastle, to kidnapping Lucina, to secretly hoarding an abundance of legendary treasure. He never asked for any of this, and to be frank he would have been quite happy if he merely waltzed over to Kirby's castle and stomped it into the ground. Now he had an entirely new problem on his hands—one that he had no way of dealing with on his own.

Luckily, he still had Lucina, but she didn't look nearly as distressed as he did. Why, as soon as Shovel Knight divulged his great plan to claim the ancient treasure of Banana Beach, Dedede noticed Lucina lower her weapon, a somewhat confused look on her face.

"Wait a second," she said. "If you found this treasure here after you built the castle, then doesn't that make this King Dedede's property?"

A moment of silence passed through the room. Shovel Knight suddenly became hesitant to respond, remaining stationary as he attempted to think of a rebuttal to that preposterous statement.

"Um…No, err, well…Maybe…Not really. Or, perhaps a little…Hmm…" he pondered to himself for a moment. He stuck his shovel in the ground and scratched the top of his helmeted head in a rather cartoonish manner. "You know, now that I think about it, I'm not quite sure."

"Hey hey! She has a point!" exclaimed Dedede, getting off of his butt. "This treasure is in _my_ castle so that means it belongs to me!"

"I found it first!" retorted Shovel Knight. "And I'm the one who gave you this stupid castle in the first place!"

"Yeah, you gave it to him," replied Lucina. "That also means he gets everything inside the castle, _including_ the buried treasure that he may or may not have known existed prior to just a few minutes ago."

"Argh, whatever! We are not negotiating this right now! I'm taking this treasure and that's final!"

He raised his shovel and charged at Lucina, shouting a battle cry as he darted across the sand. Lucina drew her sword yet again, but this time Shovel Knight was coming at her much faster than before. With his nimble body, he was able to zip around her swings and force her fight on the defensive. She could barely find room to retaliate as with every parry, a new attack would come at her from another angle. And with nothing to take the blow but her bikini, she had no choice but to block because any direct attack could prove to be lethal. Of course, if this were any kind of fantasy video game, her wearing that bikini would be perfectly suitable armor for this type of situation, as it is for every female character in fantasy video games.

She stumbled on a stray coin, which gave Shovel Knight the perfect opening to disarm her. She fell down as her sword flung from her hand into a pile of gold on the other side of the room. To finish the job, Shovel Knight leaped high into the air, preparing to bring his shovel down right on top of her head.

"Nighty night Princess!" he laughed menacingly. "It's been a blast!"

Lucina put her arm out in a feeble attempt to save herself, and she was surprised when she opened her eyes to find that it actually worked! Or no, the shovel never even came down on her. Instead what she saw was King Dedede's sweaty back. He had somehow jumped into the middle of the fight, catching Shovel Knight's weapon in his own two fists. Lucina could only stare in awe, surprised that Dedede had made such a swift and miraculous maneuver.

"King Dedede?" she said.

"Hoo boy, I haven't moved that fast since my pants caught fire during the Brawl tournament," he mumbled before glancing back. "You alright, Lucina?"

She smiled. "Yes, I'm fine. Thank you."

"Impossible!" cried Shovel Knight, who was suspended in midair, holding onto his shovel that was still locked in Dedede's grip. "There's no way you could have anticipated my attack!"

"Maybe not, but you know, I realized something. Today I promised Lucina that I was going to win this sandcastle building contest."

"Um, you actually promised me you wouldn't cheat," she muttered.

"Shh, this is my big moment. The point is, I made a promise to her, and there's no way I'm gonna let some puny construction worker make me go back on my word!"

He spun around and tossed the shovel and its owner with all his might, launching Shovel Knight into a pillar. Since the pillar was made of sand, it collapsed upon contact immediately, and the small knight was buried in a sea of gold and other hidden riches. He ended up losing his helmet, and scrambled frantically in order to recover it from beneath the treasure.

Dedede didn't pay any attention to this however, for he was too busy helping Lucina to her feet. She was still smiling at him, and he couldn't help but return the gesture.

"This is probably a bad time for this," he said, "but I want to say sorry for all the crap I put you through today."

"It can wait till later," she replied. "You still have a score to settle."

"Darn tootin'." Dedede produced his hammer from out of nowhere and waddled over to Shovel Knight who managed to replace his helmet just in the nick of time.

"Uh, wait sire," he pleaded. "Can't we talk about this?"

"You said you weren't negotiatin' nothing," snarled Dedede. "So here's _my_ final offer to you."

He raised his mallet up high and smacked down right on top of the helpless knight. Fortunately for him, he didn't actually die, and more or less was lying as flat as a pancake among the gold and jewels. Shovel Knight grunted in pain as his body was picked up by the wind of a sudden draft, drifting elsewhere in the chamber.

"This isn't the end of meeeee," he moaned, but it was more of a series of coughs as his vocal chords were kind of stretched out as well.

King Dedede snickered, puffing his chest out with his mallet slung over his shoulder.

"That's what you get for messin' with the Dee! Come around again tomorrow and I'll belt ya a new one!"

Lucina ran up and gave him a big hug, which surprised him so much that he ended up dropping his hammer.

"You saved my life back there," she said as she let go. "I can't thank you enough for that."

"You and me both, sister," he replied, somewhat flustered. "You stood up for me, so helping you defeat that guy was the least I could do. After all, ha ha, this _is_ my castle!" He turned to his wonderful bounty. "And all this treasure is finally mine!"

"Not so fast King PeePeePee!" came the voice of Captain Falcon.

Lucina and Dedede were startled upon seeing both Captain Falcon and Shulk appear out of nowhere. They were standing atop a mound of gold, Captain Falcon perched at the peak wearing his unmistakably small speedo, and Shulk in his spandex shorts and the Monado on his back. The Homs boy shook his head in dismay.

"We were hiding behind those pillars for fifteen minutes for you to say _that_?" he said.

"What? Come on, you can't tell me that it wasn't funny!"

Falcon kind of missed the part where absolutely nobody laughed at his joke.

"Fine! Whatever!" he spat. "I doesn't matter now because we've caught you red-handed Dedede! Unhand the virgin maiden and maybe just maybe we won't tear you a new butt crack!"

"Uh…What?" replied Dedede in confusion.

"You can't lie to us!" continued Falcon. "We know you kidnapped Lucina and have been keeping her locked in this basement to use as a sex slave!" He clenched his fists with rage. "You mutant penguins make me sick!"

"What is he talking about?" asked Lucina.

Dedede shrugged. "I have no idea."

"Aha! The truth hurts doesn't it! Well you can hide behind your lies all you want, but we got the ultimate lie detector right here!" Falcon grabbed Shulk and shoved him in front of him. "Go on Shulk! Do the interrogation thing!"

"The what?" replied Shulk.

"You know! Do the thing with the Monado! Make him confess, or shrink his balls to the size of chickpeas!"

"The Monado can't do either of those things." He frowned. "Especially not that second option."

"Okay, okay, this is all just a big misunderstanding," said Dedede, holding his arms up to show that he meant no harm. "I'm sorry for kidnapping Lucina, but in my defense, a little blue man in a suit of armor made me do it."

"A likely story!" retorted Falcon. "If this so-called 'blue man' made you kidnap her then where is he now, huh? Or is he just another crony you use as a minion to run your sex dungeon!?"

"I got a sex dungeon now? Holy Nightmare, where are you getting this information from?"

"Palutena told us," said Shulk. "She also said that you had Lucina tied up and was making her do…uh…things to for you down here."

"Ah, well that figures."

"I'd appreciate it if you all stopped talking about me as if I weren't standing right here," said Lucina flatly (ha, get it, flatly, because she has no—).

"Does it look like I'm running a sex traffic chain right now!?" hollered Dedede in annoyance. "Or did you guys not notice the endless sea of gold beneath your feet!?"

"Huh, now that you mention it, it does look kind of shiny in here," replied Falcon. "Man I should really clean my helmet lens sometime…"

"Anyway Lucina, we're here to rescue you so let's go!" said Shulk. "The others are waiting for us outside." He slid down the hill of gold coins and reached for her hand.

"It's alright, Shulk," she replied. "King Dedede already saved me from Shovel Knight."

"Shovel what?"

"I call bull!" cried Falcon. "The only thing Lucina needs saving from right now is King Dedede himself and he can't save her from him since he's, well, King Dedede!"

"Long story short," said Dedede, "that blue guy who kidnapped Lucina tried to take my treasure, but I flattened him up real good so now we don't have anything to worry about. And for the last time, I'm not out to get Lucina! Did you miss the part about me saving her life?"

Both Shulk and especially Captain Falcon were not convinced. Much like most of the other Smashers, they were pretty sure that Dedede was a tried and true villain, and the thought of him doing anything out of common courtesy for anyone was just plain ludicrous. Even Lucina had a hard time coming around to him until just recently.

"Look, let's just leave this place and regroup with the others," said Lucina all of a sudden. "Us arguing down here isn't solving anything."

"Who's arguing?" asked Falcon. "I was just trying to forcibly voice my opinion onto you guys."

The four Smashers agreed to leave the treasury behind and head back up to the surface, at least to see what was going on after the battle had ended. Just as they were about to go however, Shovel Knight's hand sprang from a pile of gold, and he slowly clawed his way free from the rich burial that Dedede had put him through.

"Not so fast!" he cried. "I'm not through with any of you yet!"

"Oh, is this the blue guy you were talking about?" asked Shulk, obviously referring to Shovel Knight's shining and now dented blue armor.

"Yeah, he's an asshole, let's go," said Dedede quickly.

"Yes, yes, run while you can!" shouted Shovel Knight. He raised a hand up, revealing a remote control of some kind. In that instant, the Smashers saw him press a thumb over the red button, and suddenly the flames of the torches that lined the walls had changed from a warm orange to a sinister crimson. It also got a little darker, but no one was really sure how he was doing that.

"What the hell's going on!?" cried Falcon, his feet stumbling as the ground began to shake.

"You really think I would build you a castle without installing my own contingency plan?" said Shovel Knight. "I rigged this place to explode! Now no one will have the treasure of Banana Beach!"

"You at least gave us some time to make our escape and survive though right?" asked Shulk.

"Of course," replied Shovel Knight casually. "How else are we supposed to fit a dramatic running sequence in this story?"

"Duly noted," said Lucina. "Everybody move!"

The Smashers booked it for the exit while Shovel Knight waved them good-bye on his mound of wealth.

"You have sixty seconds!" he called after them. "Good-bye forever now!"

He tossed the remote detonator over his shoulder, using these last few moments to kick back, relax, and enjoy his winnings. He had no intention of running away, not with his armor all banged up and his legs practically broken at the joints. This sandcastle was going to go up in flames since his detonator had awakened a random Bombchu that he had placed somewhere within the castle's throne room. The Bombchu was on a track and poised to collide with a stack of Blast Boxes, Bob-ombs, Cracker Lanchers, Gooey Bombs, Smart Bombs, and X-Bombs. It goes without saying that anyone who's played Super Smash Bros. knows the magnitude of the explosion that was about to rock Banana Beach.


	17. Banana Beach's Secret Revealed!

Banana Babe Beach Blast

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**Author's Note:** My goal was to finish this story before the end of summer. Eh.

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Chapter 17: Banana Beach's Secret Revealed!

* * *

Mario was the first to stir himself awake upon realizing the ground was shaking tremendously. He pulled himself up, barely able to maintain his footing as memories from the epic castle battle flooded his mind.

"Mama-mia! Everyone let's-a go! We gotta get out of here!" he hollered.

His fellow Smashers were mostly still asleep. One by one they began to yawn and stretch themselves up, but only after he started dashing from comrade to comrade in an attempt to slap them awake. He found Little Mac and Doc Louis leaning against each other's backs, while Palutena had her arms wrapped around Samus' head, and Pit has his arms wrapped around his goddess' waist. Greninja was looking a little dry under the sun's rays next to Donkey Kong who was curled up in a ball and sucking his thumb. Or was that Robyn's thumb? It was hard to tell since the big ape had somehow cuddled up with her next to Toon Link, who was lying face down with a mouth full of sand. Kirby was out cold on top of Wario's belly, somehow sporting his signature sleeping cap that no one even knew he brought on this vacation.

"Five more minutes…" mumbled Palutena as she fidgeted in her sleep. Samus opened her eyes to a face full of that bounteous Palutena boobage, admittedly so shocked that she hardly noticed the tremors.

"Will you let go!" she yelled, attempting to shove herself free. Fortunately she was able to escape this time much to Palutena's dismay.

"What are you doing Mac!?" shouted Doc to his companion. "You can't sleep now! We still got that championship belt to win! Give 'em a one! And a two!" He began throwing punches left and right at the air almost like he was in a drunken stupor. Little Mac was forced to bonk his beloved coach upside the head order to bring him back into reality. "H-Hey! Why is the ground shaking?"

"Something is coming from the castle!" cried Mario. "We have to leave now!"

Meanwhile, Robyn was struggling to free herself from the giant man hands that belonged to none other than Donkey Kong. Despite all the commotion, DK was still fast asleep, and miraculously no matter how loud Robyn cried for him to let her go, he simply refused to budge, merely shifting his position every now and then while Robyn pried with all her might.

"Pit! A little help please!" she called.

"But I don't want another donut Momma…" muttered Pit in his sleep. He was still snuggled against Palutena's backside, and had he opened his eyes, he would have realized that his face might have been a little too close for comfort.

"Pit!" said Palutena. "What did I say about touching me down there?" She reached for her sceptre and gave it a quick wave, releasing herself from Pit's paws and sending him toppling into the sand a few feet away.

"I'm here Lady Palutena!" he called, standing up immediately and giving a salute. "Where's the danger!?"

After some scrambling, Pit and Toon Link were able to finally pry Robyn out of Donkey Kong's clutches. This caused the big ape to wake up and thankfully he didn't go on a murderous rampage or anything out of annoyance. Mario washed Greninja off with his F.L.U.D.D., reviving him completely and by the time the group found Jigglypuff, numerous minions from Dedede's castle were already fleeing in the scene.

"Come on, let's get out of here!" shouted Robyn, noticing the mob of Waddle Dees running past them.

"Wait! What about Ultros?" asked Toon Link.

"Forget that!" replied Mario, ignoring the fact that the giant octopus was still sound asleep just at the tide's edge. He was making murmuring noises about "pretty little girls" as he slept. "What about Captain Falcon? And Shulk?"

"And Lucina!" cried Pit.

"We have to leave them," replied Robyn. "If we don't go now, we'll be swallowed by the sinking sand!"

As she said the words, the magnificent sandcastle started to crumble. Parts of the towers and walls already began collapsing, crushing any unfortunate Waddle Dee who just so happened to run back inside because he forgot to save his personal toiletries. Any of the sand surrounding the castle was caving in on itself as if whatever was holding it up beneath the ground could no longer do so anymore.

"We're all gonna die!" cried Wario, frantically dancing like his feet were on fire.

"Can't you do anything to stop this, Palutena?" asked Little Mac.

"Sorry Mac," she replied with a smile. "I may be a goddess but I'm no miracle worker."

Everyone kind of gave her a queer stare at that, unsure of whether or not she was telling the truth or just trolling them again.

"Poyo! Poyo!" exclaimed Kirby, who ran off to join the parade of fleeing Waddle Dees. Doc Louis quickly scooped him up and started running with him as if he were carrying a football.

"I'm with the puffball on this one!" he cried. "Every man for himself!"

At this, the group broke out in to a panic and started running for their lives. They didn't get far however, when they thought they heard someone calling after them from inside the castle.

"Hey! Who's that?" cried Toon Link.

To their surprise, Captain Falcon, Shulk, Lucina, and King Dedede were all scrambling from the crumbling walls, leaping over debris and trapped Waddle Dees in order to prevent themselves from getting stuck in the quicksand.

"Thanks for nothing guys!" cried Falcon. "You were gonna leave us for dead!"

"We never said that!" replied Robyn. "Just keep going!"

In the nick of time, Shulk activated his Speed Monado Arts, granting everyone a quick boost in speed in order to make it over the sand. The group collapsed just at the water's edge, safe enough from harm but close enough that Donkey Kong could charge a Giant Punch and send Ultros' overgrown body on a one-way trip back to the sea.

"I never got a chance to kiss any of the girls!" he hollered as he landed with a gigantic splash on the horizon.

The Smashers all sat on the ground catching their breaths as Dedede's once splendiferous castle crumbled to mounds of dust and sand. All of the treasure within it had once again been buried, never to be seen again by man or beast.

"No no no! My treasure!" he cried. "I could have been rich! I could have lived like a king!"

No one was paying attention to him however, nor the irony in his last statement because they were all gathered around Lucina congratulating her and thanking the gods that she was safe.

"We were so worried about you!" said Robyn, giving her possible-but-not-in-this-universe daughter a hug. "Are you hurt?"

"I'm fine everyone, but thank you," she replied. "I'm just glad to finally be out of that castle."

"And we owe it all to Captain Falcon and Shulk!" exclaimed Doc, putting an arm around the F-Zero racer in question. "When we get home fellas, drinks are on me!"

"Um, they didn't do anything," said Lucina. "It was actually King Dedede who saved me."

The Smashers were just about speechless upon hearing that, and when they looked at Dedede he was already in the midst of being kicked into the dirt by Palutena, Pit and Wario.

"We'll show you for making Lucina work in your sex dungeon!" shouted Palutena, shoving her sandy foot in Dedede's mouth.

"Yeah! I don't even know what that is but that sounds terrible!" chimed Pit. "What _is_ a sex dungeon anyway Lady Palutena?"

"I'll tell you when you're older."

"Aw, this again?"

"I couldn't care less one way or the other!" snickered Wario as he continued kicking. "This is just too good a chance to pass up!"

"Will you idiots get offa me!?" shouted Dedede. "Didn't you hear what she said!? I saved—"

And Palutena's foot was in his mouth again.

Greninja used his Hydro Pump to spray the crazed Smashers off of King Dedede, finally giving him a chance to speak for himself. Palutena, Pit and Wario all sat on their butts pouting and drenched, earning a chuckle from Samus.

"The only reason why I built that stupid castle was the win the stinkin' sandcastle contest that Kirby entered!" said Dedede. "I didn't mean to kidnap Lucina. It was an accident caused by one of my henchmen that was going through a little power trip. I took care of him though, so now you guys have nothing to worry about. I'm clean! See?" He put his hands up as if that meant something but they were still covered in sand and dirt.

"He's telling the truth," said Shulk.

"No he ain't!" interjected Falcon. "That's the same story he told us when we were in the castle!"

"That's because it's true you moron!" shouted Dedede. "You know what? Forget it. I'm not going through this again."

"You think you had it rough?" asked Wario. "We didn't even get our treasure…"

"Yeah…" said Toon Link, lowering his head. "Hey, wait a second. Where's Captain Jack Sparrow?"

As the dust settled, nothing of the castle remained but mountains of sand and broken party supplies. Footprints from fleeing Waddle Dees covered the beach, but anyone else walking by wouldn't have noticed that a giant sandcastle had once stood there. Captain Jack Sparrow had disappeared sometime after Ultros made his grand entrance. Whether he was still buried beneath the wreckage or flung somewhere far off to sea no one knew.

Donkey Kong patted Toon on the back, noticing how sad he was about losing Jack. In contrast however, DK was really happy that Jack was gone since the optimistic pirate annoyed the crap out of him.

"That makes two losses for us then," said Dedede. "Everything went down after the castle fell."

"Wuzzat?" replied Wario. "You mean to tell me the treasure was in there the whole time?!"

"It sure was," said Shulk with a nod. "Lots of it too."

"Argh! Why didn't you tell me!? We have to save it!" Wario ran over to one of the mounds and started digging as fast as his stubby hands could dig. He shoveled with all his might, but the more sand he moved, the more sand would tumble back in to the hole, leaving him clawing at the ground without much progression at all.

"Maybe we were wrong about King Dedede," said Robyn in shame. "All this time we thought he was plotting something devious."

"Uh-huh," said Little Mac. "I think we owe him an apology."

"Eh?" replied Dedede. "What's that I hear? Is it sympathy?"

"We're sorry, King Dedede," said Mario, followed by the other Smashers collectively (except for Wario of course). "Maybe you're not such a bad guy after all."

"Of course I ain't a bad guy," he scoffed. "If I were a bad guy, I wouldn't have saved all of your asses during the Subspace Emissary."

"Actually I still don't know why he did that…" muttered Samus.

"It's because I'm awesome!" he barked in her face. "You got that!?"

"Guys," said Doc. "What matters now is not what we went through, but that we're finally all together again. We have been reunited as a group, one true family that will always have its ups and downs." He put an arm around Robyn and Lucina. "Good guys, bad guys, we accept anyone and everyone willing to have a fun time. That's was Super Smash Bros. is all about after all!"

Doc Louis' speech was inspiring, and it really made the Smashers remember that after all this calamity, they were still a band of friends and fighters. They may have gotten into arguments sometimes (okay, maybe all the time) but at the end of the day, they were still a family. And if anything, this crazy vacation only made their bonds grow stronger. That's not something that any of them would have seen coming in a million years.

"Oh Pit…" muttered Palutena on the verge of tears. "Come here!"

"Oh Lady Palutena!" her angel boy said. "I love you!"

The Smashers embraced one another, coming in the form of hugs, handshakes, or simply slaps on the back in DKs case. It was a tender moment, something that none of them had taken the time to experience on this trip. Robyn gave Lucina another hug before they were both squeezed into Donkey Kong's arms. Toon Link patted Greninja on the head, Jigglypuff hopped up and down with Kirby, and Captain Falcon and Shulk gave each other the classic bro-fist. Samus, although happy to see everyone finally getting along, was perfectly comfortable in her own little bubble, but that bubble was burst once DK dropped the Fire Emblem girls and hooked onto her too.

"You guys are pretty cool! You know that?" cheered Mario, putting an arm around Little Mac.

"As are you, King Dedede," chimed Lucina, reaching up to give him yet another big hug.

"Heheh," he chuckled. "A guy could get used to this."

"Hey, when you're all done kissing each other's butts over there, you can help me get this thing out!" hollered Wario.

To everyone's surprise, Wario had somehow managed to salvage something from the wreckage, although it was still mostly buried under the sand. He was gripping onto some kind of yellow handle, yanking with all his might as sweat poured from the top of his head.

"Almost got it," he said. "Whoa!"

He flew back from some kind of explosion, launching him high into the sky before landing in front of his friends. Whatever artifact he had uncovered from the sand had grown to an extraordinary size, carrying with it a brilliant light that blinded anyone who dared to look upon it.

"What is that thing!?" cried Toon Link, shielding his eyes from the brightness.

"I don't know but it sounds big!" replied Shulk. "Monado Shield!"

"That's not gonna do anything to help us!" shouted Robyn.

"Eh, it was worth a shot."

A shield would have been nice, but the Smashers were more in need of something that could physically show them who their mystery challenger was. For as soon as the light began shimmering, a quaking voice boomed throughout the beach, kind of like the same thing Master Hand does when he speaks despite the fact that he doesn't have a mouth.

"_Yargh! You scalleywags! Who dares to disturb me from my eternal slumber?_"

As the wind cleared the dust away, the Smashers soon came to the realization that they weren't dealing with just any ordinary pirate. This pirate was from another world entirely, and although he spoke like a human, nothing about him was humanlike in the slightest.

"By the Bionis, it can't be…" said Shulk.

"How is he doing that?" muttered Samus.

"Sheesh, that is one ugly looking beard," mumbled Falcon.

The Smashers were standing before a giant animated floating head, much bigger than the likes of Master Hand and Crazy Hand. As the creature grimaced, the friends could see a golden set of teeth with a few holes in them, caged within a large mouth big enough to drink an entire ocean. The head had but a single beady eye, and a rather frisky one at that with the constant way in which it darted from one character to the next. The other eye was covered by an eyepatch, the head topped off with a black captain's hat and long straggly hair. The skin was mostly transparent, the entire being masked in a cloud of blue fog, but the most peculiar thing about this supernatural occurrence was no doubt the cluster of bananas that formed the creature's beard. It dangled far past his chin, and judging from the looks of it, the makeshift beard looked awfully heavy.

Donkey Kong was practically salivating at the lips, but everyone else gazed on in horror.

"No way…" said Toon Link. "It can't be…"

"_You landlubbers have danced on my grave long enough!_" shouted the giant disembodied head. "_Bow now as I smite you all into an eternal life of damnation!_"

"I surrender!" cried Wario, throwing his arms up.

"Hold on a moment, who is this guy?" asked Robyn.

"I can answer that, lass."

Beneath the Smashers' feet and out of the sand emerged the one, the only, Captain Jack Sparrow. He stood triumphantly before the Smashers, decked out in his pirate hat and cloak, with a look of overly confident determination that made him appear a little oblivious despite the gravity of the situation.

"Jack! You're alive!" exclaimed Toon Link.

"You're surprised?" replied Jack with a smirk. "Good work lads. You took good care of our octopus friend. I wouldn't expect anything less from the Captain Jack Sparrow Pirates."

"Um, technically it was Jigglypuff who defeated Ultros," said Mario.

"We fell one foe only for it to be replaced by another," muttered Jack, ignoring the plumber's comment. "Look sharp! We're standing in the presence of a great pirate king!"

Jack lowered his head and got down on one knee, Toon Link following suit almost immediately. The other Smashers were dumbfounded at this, but eventually they complied seeing as how they didn't want to contest the awesome might of the floating head dude.

"Captain Bananabeard the Pirate!" exclaimed Jack. "You are looking fruitful as always."

All of the Smashers immediately lost their balance and hit the ground, much like something out of an anime if you will even though I despise referencing that type of trope when it comes to writing.

"That's Bananabeard!?" cried Wario. "You gotta be kidding!"

"I wonder what gave that away…" said Samus.

"_Ah, so you do know who I am!_" replied Bananabeard, this time with a smirk of his own. "_It's good to know that mortals still remember me even after all these hundreds of years sleeping below the sand._"

"We remember and we are prepared to greet you," said Jack. "Pray tell though, what was it that stirred you from your rest? Have you come to seek your vengeance on mankind, consuming all living creatures in sight and plunging the world into a never-ending period of darkness?"

"Whoa, whoa, slow down there," commented Lucina.

"_Yargh! Well, to be honest, I was going to_," replied Bananbeard. "_But! Your kind mannerisms have swayed my decision._"

"You see kids? Manners can bring you a long way," said Jack with a wink.

"Get on with it!" shouted Falcon.

"_I want to thank you kind strangers for returning my treasure to where it belongs! For generations, many a man has tried to steal my treasure from Banana Beach, but now I don't have to worry anymore! At least not until the next person tries to dig it up. I'm not too worried about it though since the treasure is cursed anyway._"

"Now he tells us," whispered Wario to Greninja, who simply rolled his eyes in response.

"_As a small token of appreciation, I'd like to give onto you a valuable artifact that has been in my family for generations._"

"Oh this is it! We're gonna be rich!"

Once again the ground began to shake, but the tremors were not nearly as bad as they were before. A large mound started to merge before Bananbeard, an ancient treasure that could only be untold riches and fortunes. The expectations were short-lived however, when Bananabeard revealed the treasure to be nothing but a banana. Well, okay fine, it was a ginormous banana the size of a Sandbag, but it was still just a banana. Completely worthless!

Completely worthless to everyone except a certain banana-loving ape, who was infatuated at first sight.

"Well, that was anticlimactic," said Jack.

"_Take it and begone with you!_" hollered Bananabeard. "_Else you'll be damned to an eternity of walking on my banana-shaped plank! Bwahahahaha!_"

At that, the floating head of Captain Bananabeard dissipated in a puff of smoke, leaving behind the giant banana which Donkey Kong tackled to the ground immediately. The other Smashers kind of just stood there awkwardly, although ultimately pleased with the fact that they were no longer going to be smitten by some demonic pirate head.

"Pit and I would have been fine though since we're not mortals," Palutena laughed.

"At least we're safe now," said Robyn. "We can thank Captain Jack for that."

"Think nothing of it," replied Jack. "I owe your group an apology anyway for taking your men and leading them on a crazy octopus chase. Your monkey seems rather pleased with his prize though, so I guess some good did come out of it in the end."

"I guess that wraps up just about every plot point we had to offer in this story then, isn't it?" asked Falcon.

"Almost!" came a squealy voice from above.

Everyone looked up to be greeted by a tiny floating man in a green jumpsuit who was strapped to a giant red balloon. Pit fired an arrow at the sky, popping the man's balloon instantly and causing him to fall down to the beach in a matter of seconds.

"Aha! Thanks for helping Tingle down!" exclaimed the short man who apparently went by the name of Tingle. He was also kind of ugly up close. "I can't tell you how long Tingle has been up there!"

"Yeah, I saw you floating around up there since Chapter 6 but I forgot to mention anything to these guys," replied Doc Louis.

"Um. Who are you?" asked Lucina.

"I am Tingle!" replied Tingle. "I am the one hosting the sandcastle building contest! I would like to announce at this time that the contest is now officially over!"

"Aw phooey," muttered Dedede. "Both me and Kirby lost our castles during the fight. Ah well, that's okay! We're friends now so that's all that counts!" Dedede grabbed Kirby and lifted him up, much to Kirby's dismay since he was previously having fun playing with a random hermit crab.

"On the contrary, King Dedede!" said Tingle. "You may not have a castle anymore but Kirby still does! In fact, he's the only one still entered in the contest who has a standing sandcastle!"

"Say what!? Where!?"

Tingle gestured a few feet away from them, behind Captain Falcon and Little Mac, where a small mound of sand stood with a tiny red flag atop it. Some of it had been washed and eroded by the wind and water, but it was unmistakable that it was indeed a sandcastle. It was pathetic compared to what Dedede used to have, but without any competition to fight for the title, Kirby's castle was the only one remaining on the beach.

"I would like to announce that Kirby is the winner! Kooloo Limpah!" Tingle threw out some confetti from out of nowhere and a kazoo could be heard playing somewhere in the distance. Most of the Smashers applauded, but Dedede just stood there with his mouth agape.

"Poyo! Poyo!" exclaimed Kirby. He hopped out of Dedede's clutches and started playing with the hermit crab again, oblivious to his victory as always.

"So what does he win?" asked Pit. "Is there a prize?"

"There is a prize!" replied Tingle. "A year's supply of Super Spicy Curry!"

Suddenly, a dump trunk came beeping out of nowhere, backing up to the Smashers and dumping a huge load of Spicy Curry before them. The Smashers had never seen so much Spicy Curry in their lives, and even Kirby was surprised that all of this curry was his.

"B-But isn't there a second place prize?" asked Dedede desperately. "Or a third?"

"Sorry, but since no one else has a castle, everyone else is disqualified!" replied Tingle. "Kooloo Limpah!" He threw more confetti out mindlessly. "Those are Tingle's words that he made himself. Don't steal them!" With that, Tingle inflated a new balloon and took off to the skies. "Thanks for playing! Good-bye!"

He disappeared onto the horizon as the Smashers all stood there before the mountain of Super Spicy Curry, mostly bewildered at such an underwhelming prize. To be frank, none of them were very fond of this food since it gave them all fire breath whenever they ate it.

Eventually, King Dedede produced his mallet and then proceeded to chase Kirby around the beach swinging and flailing at him with all his might. He may have lost the contest, but he wasn't about to let Kirby leave this beach alive.

"Poyo!"

* * *

**Author's Note:** Wow, this story had more plot than I thought it would. I'm honestly glad to finally see it coming to a close though. This story has been needlessly long in my opinion, but if you've enjoyed it for what it is anyway, you have nothing but my utmost thanks. I know this story gets a lot of anonymous readers, so to the readers who browse silently from the comfort of their no-account homes, this one is for you. Cheers y'all, and I'll catch you in the final update to Banana Babe Beach Blast!


	18. So Long, Banana Beach

Banana Babe Beach Blast

* * *

Chapter 18: So Long, Banana Beach

* * *

With the sandcastle hijinks finally behind them, the Smashers could once again return to enjoying their vacation, or whatever was left of it for that matter. The sun had already begun to set on the horizon, painting Banana Beach's golden sand a brilliant shade of orange and red. Mario had finally unpacked his radio player, throwing on some tunes to help set the mood for the approaching evening. Greninja, Little Mac, Pit, and Captain Falcon had made it back into the water innocently enough, save for the fact that they were locked in an intense game of chicken. In contrast, Palutena had unveiled her secret stash of alcoholic beverages, which apparently she kept in a heavenly cupboard that only she could access at any time, and therefore made smuggling these babies no chore at all. Robyn's lecturing didn't sway her decision one bit however, and she found little to no help on the argument since Shulk and Kirby were busy trying to start a campfire, while Donkey Kong was making sweet love to his giant banana in a hammock strung between two palm trees.

"We can't have those!" said Robyn, snatching what appeared to be a bottle of rum from Palutena's hand. "There are minors here!"

"Oh come on, it's not like any of them like this stuff anyways," retorted Palutena. "I was just gonna have some for myself…and maybe share with Samus and Doc Louis."

Luckily for her Samus wasn't in earshot of her comment, for she was busy near the water's edge teaching Lucina some martial arts techniques. Lucina had mentioned to her that when she was in Dedede's castle, she was completely helpless without access to her sword. At least this way Lucina would be able to defend herself if she were to ever wind up in a similar situation again.

"Always keep one foot and one arm in front of you," Samus explained as she stepped across the sand. "This puts you in the best position for both approaching and retreating. Little Mac uses a similar stance when he enters the ring."

Lucina seemed to be missing the picture however, for she was spending so much time imitating Samus' hands that she practically lost her balance from not watching her feet.

"I think I—Whoa!" she nearly fell backwards, but thankfully Samus was able to react just in time. She reached out and grasped Lucina's hand, reeling her back into a standing position.

"You almost got it," she said. "Just try to make sure you distribute the same amount of weight on both sides."

"Eheh, yeah," replied Lucina. "I never realized how much I relied on my sword for balance."

The two girls laughed and resumed their practicing, while Palutena watched from afar clenching her fingers into her palms.

* * *

"Bah, this is no good," said Shulk, tossing his kindling wood in the sand. He had been trying to get a warm fire going for almost fifteen minutes now, but to no avail. Even with the use of charcoals, lighter fluids, and matches (which were all haphazardly chucked a few feet away) he just didn't seem to be having any luck at all. Kirby was doing his best attempt at starting a small flame by bashing a seashell against a rock, but the only thing that came out of that was an irritating sound that everyone was too preoccupied to notice.

"Poyo! Poyo!" replied Kirby, noticing a small spark, but then frowning when it disappeared moments later. "Poyo…"

"Maybe we can get Mario to light it for us…" mumbled Shulk as he tried to figure out a solution. "Or Captain Falcon! Yeah! Why are we messing around here when we have friends who can literally start fires with their bare hands?"

"Poyo!"

As if his prayers were answered, Kirby pulled one of his Super Spicy Curries from out of nowhere, inhaling it in a matter of seconds. Soon enough, his eyes began to water and his face turned pitch red, but he didn't even give Shulk time to duck and cover before he blasted the campsite with a burst of flame. A glorious fire immediately appeared, scorching Shulk's face in the process. The pink puffball let out a tiny burp before falling onto his back and laughing at Shulk's blackened face.

"Ah well," coughed Shulk. "At least the fire's started now."

The fire was huge, creating a smoke signal that could be seen from just about anywhere on the beach. Toon Link noticed it immediately, although he was nowhere close within the proximity of his friends. He had wandered off down the shoreline, kicking sand and water as he watched the tide roll up around his ankles. Now that everything was back to normal, he found himself growing bored just as he did when they first arrived at Banana Beach. The only difference here was that Donkey Kong was no longer with him, having found a new playmate in the form of Captain Bananabeard's banana.

"Something troubling you, lad?" asked Captain Jack Sparrow.

Toon Link whirled around to find himself face to face with the infamous pirate captain, who was decked out in his coat and abnormally large captain's hat. He seemed to be dragging his old rowboat, the Steel Slipper, tugging it to the water's edge in preparation for the castoff.

"You're leaving?" replied Toon Link in surprise.

"Aye, there's nothing left for me here. Bananabeard's treasure was the only thing worth coming here for, but with that buried deep beneath the sands, it's time for me to set sail and find another group of misfits to call my own."

"You can stay a little longer," said Toon Link earnestly. "There's still lots of food, and we'll be staying here the night."

Jack shook his head. "As much as I appreciate the thought, my friend, I'm afraid this is the end. The sea calls to me at this hour, and so I must return to her. Where she plans on taking me, I am not sure, but that's all part of the fun."

He smirked, but Toon Link couldn't return the gesture. Jack's departure only made him feel emptier on the inside, since realistically if it wasn't for Jack, he never would have been able to enjoy this vacation. From sword fights to treasure hunting to defeating a giant octopus, Toon Link had really done it all on this trip, and he had Captain Jack Sparrow to thank for that.

Toon felt his hands shaking, and he tried to stop it by clenching his fists together, but that only made looking at the deranged pirate even more difficult. Without raising his eyes, he managed to mutter a simple question.

"Will I ever see you again?"

He was expecting Jack to give him the old tales about why he was such a wanderer, or maybe something like how if they both just so happen to be crossing the same ocean then maybe, just maybe, there'd be a chance for them to bump into each other. Jack said neither of those things, however, and in fact, he didn't say anything at all for quite a while. For a moment, there was nothing but the sound of gulls in the distance. It was then when Toon Link suddenly felt something weighty placed atop his head. He glanced up, realizing that Jack had given him his captain's hat, complete with beads, scratch marks, and charred trimmings. More noticeable was the fact that it smelled like fish, but perhaps that was just the tide.

"We may or we may not," replied Jack with a warm smile. "Nevertheless, you will always have a part of me, as I will to you." He reached out a hand and placed it firmly upon Toon Link's shoulder. "You're the captain of this crew now, Link. I know you'll do a damn fine job."

He was going to leave it at that, kind of like a traditional send-off, only cooler. Toon wasn't happy with that, however, and found himself embracing the pirate captain in a hug, which took Jack completely by surprise.

"Thank you, Captain," he said, fighting back the tears. "Thank you so much."

Finally, it was time for Jack to make his departure, and so he shoved the Steel Slipper into the water and began wading through the tides, pushing it out to sea. Toon Link waved to him from the shore, the silhouette of Captain Jack Sparrow molding with the orange sun.

"Take care, Link!" hollered Jack. "And say good-bye to your family for me! Especially your monkey and that old fat one! He'll make a bloody fine pirate someday!"

And so, Captain Jack Sparrow returned to the sea as quickly as he had arrived. He certainly would never forget his epic adventure with the zany and colorful Super Smash Brothers. Toon Link watched him disappear on the horizon before scampering back to his friends. He felt much more cheerful now, his inner spirit rekindled after seeing Captain Jack one last time.

* * *

"What about me!?" hollered King Dedede. "Where's _my_ happy ending!?"

The penguin king was back with the other Smashers, although he was off on his own shouting at the communication device he had used to contact the Nightmare Enterprises representative when he first arrived at the beach. He had nearly forgotten that Shovel Knight's appearance was a result of him contacting N.M.E. in order to get a monster to clobber Kirby. Had he known the blue knight was going to give him so much trouble he wouldn't have bothered calling in the first place!

"Hey, hey, Triple D," came the optimistic voice of the same representative in a business suit. "Long time no see. Did you get that monster we sent you?"

"You bet I did, and it sucked!" replied Dedede angrily. "Shovel Knight tried to take over my castle, and he also hoarded a cursed pirate treasure underneath it!"

"Huh…" The representative gave a puzzled look through the glass screen. "That's strange. We didn't send anyone by the name of 'Shovel Knight' to your area. Are you sure you received the right monster?"

Dedede's mouth fell agape at the thought that Shovel Knight was not, in fact, the monster they sent and was instead just a clever ploy used to give this story a compelling antagonist.

"B-But it has to be him!" he stammered. "He did everything I told him to! He even built the sandcastle for me!"

The N.M.E. representative scrolled through what appeared to be a tablet, pulling up an image of Shovel Knight on Google. "Hmm, nope, that's not our guy. I've never seen this character in my life."

"B-Buh…Buh…Wha?" were the only words that managed to make it out of Dedede's mouth. The device nearly slipped out of his hand as he realized the whole sandcastle crisis was merely the result of a fluke.

"Perhaps our monster got lost in the mail?" replied the representative as he pulled up another screen on his end. "Oh! Would you look at that!" He chuckled. "I never gave them the OK to send the darned thing over there. Your monster is still sitting in the docking bay. How silly of me!"

Dedede's hand gripped tightly around the communication device, his grinding teeth so loud that they could be heard from the other end of the call. He was just about ready to bash the thing against a rock.

"Oh really now?" growled Dedede through clenched teeth. "Well isn't _that_ convenient?"

"My apologies, Triple D. I'll send it over right away!" He pressed a button, which apparently gave the signal to let the monster travel on its way to Dedede's location. "This probably doesn't look too good for me, though. Why don't I take a few dollars off the bill for you? That sounds like it'll even it out quite nicely."

He presented Dedede with the finalized price of the monster, but the value still had more zeros than he could stomach. That, topped with all the other bills the Smashers had piled onto him, left him to be a pretty bankrupted king.

"Some good that'll do me!" shouted Dedede. "The contest is over and everything is back to the way it was before! I don't need no monster anymore!"

"Don't look at it like that. Maybe you could find a use for it? Later, Dee-Three!"

And just like that the connection was lost, leaving Dedede with nothing but an image of a rotating N.M.E. logo. He grimaced, tossing the device in the sand and grumbling to himself how ridiculous this was.

Like magic, a giant metal capsule containing the monster he ordered came falling from the sky, crash-landing onto the beach several yards away from Dedede's location. As expected, the box had the N.M.E. logo stamped on the side of it, which implied that this monster was definitely the one they meant to send him from the very beginning. The door to the capsule swung open, a cloud of smoke and other particles crawling across the ground as the monster in question stepped out into the sunlight. The first thing that Dedede noticed was that the monster was severely lacking in the height department, for it stood about as tall as his own stomach. Not to mention, the creature bore a strikingly similar frame to that of Kirby, having a completely round and soft body. Dedede was at a loss for words, for right when he thought Nightmare Enterprises had done something right, they went ahead and pulled another stunt like before.

The creature threw off his cape, brandishing a sparkling gold sword that he slashed through the air. If the mask didn't give away his identity, then his deep and menacing voice sure did.

"I am Meta Knight, here to do your bidding!" proclaimed the creature. "Tell me who it is you wish to destroy, and my blade with swiftly cut them down!" Meta Knight struck a cool pose, not realizing who he was standing in the presence of. After hearing nothing of a response, he opened his eyes only to be taken aback in embarrassment. "S-Sire!?" He lowered his weapon and rubbed the back of his head. "Well…this is awkward."

* * *

By the end of the day, the Smashers had all gathered around the campfire to relax and chat. They had plenty of Super Spicy Curry to indulge in, although most of them only took small bites so not to blast flames from their mouths. Everyone was here and accounted for, including Meta Knight, who ended up showing up by some bizarre coincidence. It was getting a little dark by this time, but fortunately, there was still some sunlight coming from the horizon. There were plenty of chairs and towels to go around despite Pit complaining that his goddess was sharing hers with Samus and not him. Greninja and Jigglypuff were a small enough pair to sit together in their own chair, while Wario kind of just sat on the ground with his arms crossed in indignation. Mario had killed the music a while ago, but that didn't stop the noise from simmering down between King Dedede reiterating the Shovel Knight story to Shulk, and Captain Falcon arguing with Robyn why it's theoretically impossible for Lucina to be her daughter in another universe when they're so close to the same age. As for Toon Link, he was busy cleaning off Jack Sparrow's hat, having noticed that the old pirate never really took good care of it to begin with. Among all this, Doc Louis seized the opportunity and pulled an acoustic guitar from out of nowhere and started strumming some chords.

"You know, you guys are awesome," exclaimed Doc, plucking some strings and giving his instrument a fine tune. "This has to have been one of the best vacations I've ever had!"

"True that," chimed Little Mac, chowing down on a banana burger in one hand and a chocolate bar in the other. "Let's do it again next year."

"Are you going to play a song?" asked Samus unenthusiastically, who found herself squished against a napping Palutena on her beach towel.

"I very well might," replied Doc. "Unless we got any requests?"

"Poyo!" exclaimed Kirby, who was more than likely asking for something native to his homeworld like the Green Greens theme or Ice Cream Island.

"How about, 'Those Who Bear Their Name'?" asked Shulk. "That's the best song in my whole soundtrack!"

Captain Falcon would have said something in objection, probably along the lines of how no Nintendo game in the history of the world has as good a soundtrack as the original F-Zero, but thankfully Robyn had him distracted enough that he wasn't really paying attention.

"Nah, I don't think I know those ones," said Doc, resuming his strumming. "I do know a pretty good one for the fire, though." He cleared his throat and started playing. "_Let's gather 'round the campfire and sing our campfire song. Our C-A_—"

"NO!" shouted everyone in response, including Palutena who shot up from her pleasant sleep. Apparently, none of the Smashers were a fan of Spongebob.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding," laughed Doc. "All jokes aside, I think a song would be the perfect way to end this vacation, wouldn't you?"

"I think that would be lovely," said Lucina.

"Just play something already!" chimed Mario.

"Alright, time for round two," replied Doc. "You know what to do, Mac!"

As if on cue, Little Mac had replaced his food with a harmonica, but it was barely visible since he still had his boxing gloves on for some reason. He began to play along with his coach's strumming, and once they got the ball rolling, everyone seemed to stop what they were doing and listen to the soothing melody of the song.

"_One fine day in the middle of summer,_

_A group of friends met up with each other,_

_They found the coolest place_

_You've ever seen_

_There was a big yellow beach with plenty of sand,_

_The perfect place for getting a tan,_

_It turns out that this place_

_Was Banana Beach!"_

_Oh Banana Beach!_

_Banana Beach!_

_Banana Beach!_

_Banana Beach, Beach, Beach, Beach, Beach!_"

It was at this point where Little Mac really started showing off his harmonica skills, and even all of the Smashers listening couldn't help but admit that the song sounded pretty good. Dedede and Lucina especially preferred this song to the one that Shovel Knight sang to them, and they could see it in each other's eyes as they glanced at each other from across the campfire. They laughed.

"_There was a volleyball game that ended in flames,_

_A pirate captain that looked kind of lame,_

_And a creepy merchant that gave us_

_Banana treats!_"

"I heard that, strangah!" hollered a distant voice.

"_There were treasure hunts and castle fights,_

_And an octopus with perverted delights,_

_And who could forget the knight_

_As tall as my knee?_"

"Ugh, I wish I could forget him," murmured Dedede.

"_Oh, Banana Beach!_ Sing it with me!

_Banana Beach!_

_Banana Beach!_

_Banana Beach, Beach, Beach, Beach, Beach!_"

Miraculously, other Smashers began joining in on the singing, with the exception of Wario who continued to pout, and Donkey Kong who was content with swaying his head to the beat. The chorus was pretty easy to sing since it was only two words repeated, and even the Pokémon were getting in on the fun despite the fact that they couldn't speak English.

"Banana Beach!" sang Shulk.

"Banana Beach!" sang Pit.

"Banana Beach!" sang Robyn.

"Banana Beach, Beach, Beach, Beach, Beach!" hollered Captain Falcon.

"Banana Beach!" sang Lucina.

"Jigglypuff!" sang Jigglypuff.

"Banana Beach…" sang Samus.

"Banana Beach, Beach, Beach, Beach, Beach!" laughed Mario.

"One more time, Banana Beach!" sang Palutena.

"Poyo Poy!" sang Kirby.

"Banana Beach!" sang Toon.

"Greninj, Gre, Gre, Gre, Greninja!" sang Greninja.

Doc and Little Mac concluded the song with a small harmony, before bringing it to its close. Their song was met with an abundance of praise. Everyone applauded and cheered, that is, except for one individual who continued to sing the song despite the fact that it was already over.

"Banana Beach! Ugh! Ugh! Yeah! Banana Beach! Ugh Ugh! Yeah! Woo!"

The Smashers were silent as all eyes fell on Meta Knight, who was doing some kind of weird thrusting maneuver in his chair as he sang. It took him a moment to realize that the song was over. His voice faded to a whisper, and so he slowly stopped himself as he stared back at all his friends in embarrassment. A few second later, he took his cape and shielded himself, glaring at everyone.

"I am the darkness! Fear me!" he shouted, before using his Dimensional Cape to warp away.

"Awesome job, Doc!" exclaimed Pit, patting the old boxing coach on the back. "Who knew you could play the guitar?"

"I sure didn't, I can tell you that," replied Doc with a laugh.

"Well, I guess we can end it now, or keeping going and try to squeeze one more joke out of this story," said Captain Falcon.

The Smashers returned to chatting, although no one was really interested in fishing for one more joke. They were perfectly content with just enjoying the rest of the evening before having to return to Master Hand and the Super Smash Bros. tournament. They were so used to beating the crap out of each other that they never really took the time to relax, and so they planned on seizing ever last moment they could.

While everyone was talking, Toon Link noticed Wario looking rather glum. He was half-expecting him to try and getting another boob-shot of Samus, but for some reason, the fat Italian man was looking more miserable than usual.

"Hey Wario, what's the matter?" asked Toon.

Wario glanced up from his position on the cold ground.

"I'm just bummed we didn't get any of that treasure. It would have been nice to take _something_ back, you know? Plus, we could have been rich!"

The mere thought was making Wario anxious all over again, and he almost wanted to get up and go find Dedede's sunken castle so he could reclaim the lost treasure for himself.

"Well, even if we could get the treasure, it's still cursed remember?" said Toon. "We'd probably put everyone in danger."

"It would still be worth it," grumbled Wario. "It's not like anything good came out of this for me."

As luck would have it, Donkey Kong just so happened to be eavesdropping on their conversation. He moseyed over to Wario's spot on the sand, taking his giant banana up in one arm. Upon noticing the banana, Wario grimaced in envy.

"Here to rub it in my face again?" he asked.

DK shook his head and placed the giant banana down in front of Wario. Wario almost couldn't believe what was happening, and even Toon Link found himself staring in surprise at DK's generous offer.

"S-Seriously?" said Wario with widened eyes. "You're sharing this with me?"

DK grunted and pushed the banana closer in front of Wario, giving him the perfect spot to sink his massive jaws into. Despite DK's distaste towards the fat Italian man, it seemed that he really did have some sympathy towards him. This whole time he had hoarded the giant banana to himself, waiting for the perfect opportunity to take that first bite. It certainly was a privilege to partake in one of DK's precious bananas.

"Go on, Wario," said Toon. "He's giving it to you!"

Wario felt his eyes water up at the warm gesture, and for a moment he felt bad having to accept it.

"No one's ever done anything like this for me before," he stammered before looking DK in the eyes. "Thanks, friend."

DK nodded his head in approval, signaling for Wario to chow down so that they could enjoy the banana together.

"I may not have gotten the treasure," exclaimed Wario. "But at least I still got my friends! Bon appetite!"

He opened his jaw wide to the point of unhinging before giving the banana a massive chomp. Toon Link expected his teeth to bite right through the banana like butter since there was no mouth in this world that could match the strength of Wario's. To his surprise, however, the banana didn't change in size, shape or form. In fact, it remained as it did before, unbitten, undisturbed, and wholesome. The sound of Wario's teeth colliding with whatever material the banana was made out of sent a wave of chills down his spine as his eyes widened in horror. This banana was no banana at all but was in fact made of some kind of metal, like titanium, or more likely gold. The other Smashers heard the commotion and looked to what was going on, but by the time they realized what happened it was too late. Wario had already started shrieking as he fell backward writhing in pain, gripping at his teeth with his bare hands.

"Gold!" he cried. "It's made of gold! You bastard! You knew it all along!"

DK shrugged his shoulders. Ofcourse he knew the banana was made of gold. After all, if it were a real banana, he would have already devoured it by now.

* * *

**Author's Note:** And so concludes what I'd like to call, "If Super Smash Bros. was an anime and they had a beach episode." Because honestly, that's more or less what inspired everything that happened in this story. I hope you readers got the same vibe from this as well, and at the very least I hope it made you laugh! Thanks a million for reading!


End file.
